My husband forgot out anniversary.....?

Question

It's out 7th year anniversary and he (my husband) is notorious about remembering days - but his birthday was 2 days ago and he knew our anniversary was coming up... and he did nothing... planned nothing.... nothing....

It has been a rough year, we have moved around a lot - away from home to a place we hate, and have been fighting more this year then the last few years... and especially the last 6 months since we have moved to Vegas have been really tough.

Lately there has been external stress as well.

So needless to say, this anniversary was a big thing for me - because it was a time for us to reaffirm our feelings. Since he did nothing, planned nothing - not even a flower or anything - it makes me think there is something else going on.... not cheating, but just something. I don't know what to think...

I asked him just now and he says I am over reacting - that he is not like that. But he also didn't even reaffirm me with an "I love you".

What would you think/do?

PS I did plan something - we had a nice dinner, and we went camping (one of the things we do every year)

And since his b-day and anniversary is so close - I combined his present *I asked him first* I got him a Tom Tom - which is what he wanted. So he EVEN knew he was getting the present. I also got some wine and we stayed in and watched a movie - all which I planned

And since we moved out of state - it's not like I have any friends to go to - it's midnight - I will call my friends and ask their opinion tomorrow.

We went camping last night - and did the movie and wine tonight.... I had *other* plans - but those didn't happen yet... I am hurt and disappointed - not mad really. I understand it's been stressful....... but I am still sad too.

Did I mention I let him quit his job and work full time and homeschool our son - so he can go to school? I have given up a lot this year too - and he only goes to school part time!

Answer 1

Hi...you know what give it some more time before doing anything drastic.Two years ago my husband got me nothing for any of the holidays except x-mas...it was not like him at all.This is the kind of guy who brings me my favorite flowers every week or two.I never thought he cheated either but I knew something had to be wrong because he really wasn't himself.We were having a rough year and it just got hard to be sentimental when things aren't going so good so he just ignored the holidays like valentine's day..etc..See when things are a little weird we women need the affection or the confirmation of love from our guys to make us feel like it will all be okay.MY husband said he felt like less of a man because he couldn't afford extravagant gifts that year...and i think he ignored the sentiments we love to receive because he felt less of a man...the only thing that truly makes me happy is a simple card that says i love you...if your sweetie never forgot before and this year has been so tough try to let it go for now.He could be feeling inadequate about many things.Guys always work things out much more different than us.I know your feeling hurt but put it aside right now and relax and just try to be his friend,,,the sweetie he married.I have been married 20 years ....not always easy but worth the effort.Good luck and i truly hope your marriage works out.

Answer 2

I'm married almost 31 years... I have to say most of those years were filled with a lot of unbearable despair and pain for me-- not caused directly by him, but we were just unlucky in our life. Though he never forgot entirely our anniversary- he always had a card at least and of course I love you and out to dinner whether the same night or another-- mine chooses to downplay my birthday- I find that more important than our anniversary because that is MY day-- he has never thrown me a party- he has had at least 4 or 5 biggies that I had for him, and I don't believe in the day before, after or any other day than that DAY as the day you celebrate--which he also doesn't feel is important......men are funny, and don't relate to things like we do.. since you said this was a really tough year, I assume money is tight and depression comes with tough years---let him slide on this one-- he's still with you, you both had a lot of moves this year- which I KNOW is traumatizing in and of itself--but watch him - you say you live in vegas-- not a great city for relationships-so just keep an eye on your money- your cell phone bill phone numbers, who's he calling and who's calling him, his night outs- etc. you get my drift- I think everything is OK but better safe than sorry.... and by the way, don't say I love you to him until he says it to you and see how long it takes, and did you do something special for his birthday? because if you didn't that may be why he's ignoring your anniversary- men really aren't into anniversaries.

Answer 3

Give the guy a break! An anniversary is no big thing. If it is the 10th, 25th or 50th maybe. It sounds like he has a lot of much more important thinks on his mind that a 7th anniversary.

What can you do? If you are concerned about it, make him a nice dinner, light a couple of candles and have a little anniversary dinner a day late. Tell him you love him even though times have been a little rough this last year.

Answer 4

I think he is under some extreme pressure to please not only you but your child as well.
Try to lighten up. Men forget, women forget. It isn't the end of the world. As to why he planned nothing, from the sounds of it he knew you had gone to huge lengths to plan something & was being thoughtful in not taking away from you something that was improtant to you.
Also it sounds as if there is financil trouble too, & it doesn't take Einstien to notice that if you are short of cash, then buying extravegant things is a waste, Do you relise he actually may have given you an affirmation that you didn't even acknowledge ( in know my hubby & I have similar converations & it comes around that I was ignoring him when he tried to do or say something important to me)
Talk to him ask him his opinion & see what he says Tell him how you feel & what you need from him ask if he has anything like that he needs (you might get a pleasant suprise)
The dogdegirl62 is right on as well. Has some excellant advise

Answer 5

OOOOhhhhhh honey! This to say the least is not a good thing. I'll admit that men stink when it comes to dates. But if in the past he always remembered then this year he does nothing your need a serious talk. SOMETHING is wrong. Men like to say that woman are the ones who always put so much stock into dates and anniversaries. Bull. If he always remembered in the past and forgets now than something is going on. If you know its not another woman. (and believe me you'd know) then he's got something else on his mind and you have to find out what that is. Talk to him. Weather he's in the mood or not. Confront him! If there is one thing I want to teach woman in this world is to have a back bone. Have some balls! If you want an answer from your man or anyone. Corner them and accept nothing but the truth. I am a strong independent and some would say 'ruthless' female. I'm more like a man than most men. I don't accept crap from anyone. If I feel somethings wrong I stop at nothing to find the root of the problem. It may not be what your imagination is telling you but at least you'll know. Go for it girl! You deserve it!

Answer 6

I would think the same thing you are thinking; that he doesn't love you as much as you love him. Or worse, that he doesn't love me at all anymore. I think he's just too comfortable and a little bored right now. Spice things up if it's worth it to you because guys don't seem to respond/change much from talking. They seem to need action and for some reason (boredom?familiarity?) he isn't treating you like he wants to keep you. He knew how important this anniversary was to you so he should have respected that. Actually it should have meant just as much to him! So as far as what you should that's really up to you. Was his doing this something that affects the way you feel about him or view him? Act according to how you feel. There are a million possibilities for what you can do but only you know what buttons to push or how to make him feel bad. Either way you do it good luck. Happy Anniversary!!~~

Answer 7

Happy Anniversary!!

Men are dingbats when it comes to dates and feelings and all sorts of things that mean a lot to us women. I have been married to my husband for 7 & 1/2 years.
ONCE I got a flower and a teddy bear on Valentines Day. I was so impressed that I was speechless! Then I just had to burst out laughing when he told me that his boss at work gave them to all the workers. Dingy!!! He could have left me thinking that he did Something on this special day!

Anyway, instead of being sulky about it, I have started taking the special day matters into my own hands. I write down the dates on a calendar and I program them into his call phone. I also start asking about a week in advance, "Where do you want to take me for my birthday?"

That's what I do anyway. I want to have my special days special. But I'll tell you what - even though we love each other dearly and we are best friends, I can't MAKE that man buy flowers. Go figure!

Answer 8

Well, anniversary is a HUGE thing for women, so I don't think you're overreacting at all. I'd also think there's something going on, too, if my husband were to forget our anniversary. (No, I'm not married at the moment, but I'd feel that way, if I were married.) Especially if he didn't reassure you somehow or apologize for forgetting, I'd definitely feel crushed. What I would do is just tell him that anniversary meant a lot to me, and I would like it if he didn't forget it in the future, and to do something special for me to reaffirm that he loves me still. I'd ask him if he could do that for me. Guys are not mind readers, and they'd rather be told specifically what to do. Tell him it hurts your feelings when he forgets special days like anniversary or birthday, and you'd like him to make special efforts to remember these days. He can certainly put them on his calendar to remind him of the days. Just be honest with him, and if he still loves you, then he'll do something about it to please you.

Answer 9

I don't know what your husband's personality is like but my husband is a very caring and loving husband, we have been married for 16 years and both love each other very much BUT... if I wait for him to plan something, I will never get to do anything! I make all the plans and even though I don't get to enjoy surprises or the special unexpected or expected events or things that would come, I do make sure I plan the things that I would like to do. I plan my birthdays and other holidays. I get so much freedom because I always get things my way because I'm planning it. If I don't plan something, he never notices a thing. Sometimes I even plan things just for him, like music concerts or sports for him to go to with his friends or one of the kids, he wouldn't go otherwise.

Answer 10

I would confront him again and let him know you really are serious!!! Don't let what ever might be going on happen any further. If he does not tell you he loves you theres something going on in my words.

I would go to a friends house for one day and let him think about how he misses you, you deserve for someone to be special to you, remember that. I would believe after a day of you being gone he will be crawling back to you with flowers.

Hope you the Best