MY GF says she's never had an orgasm. She's 35 and we've been dating for over 6 years. She says she enjoys sex, but just no orgasm. Is that normal? Is it possible that some women never have orgasms? Your advice is appreciated.
2007-04-07 17:33:23 · 14 answers · asked by notyourbiz 1 in Health ➔ Women's Health
I dont orgasm during sex, but still love it and feel satisfied. I get a massive high from it and i enjoy that more than an orgasm.
Try oral clitoral stimulation, it works wonders
2007-04-07 18:38:02 · answer #1 · answered by . 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some women have never learned to have an orgasm. Women are born with the capacity for orgasms, but unlike men, they do have to learn how. In addition, a woman's brain is hardwired for one particular type of orgasm, so that a woman who has one earth-shattering orgasm can never have multiple orgasms. Yes, I know the "experts" in Cosmo, etc claim otherwise, but you'll notice that none of them is a medical professional. The medical professionals who specialize in sexuality issues know that this is not the truth.
I'm giving you some links for both you and your gf to read. Some of these have lists of books that will also help. And just as a reminder, THE organ for sexual pleasure for a woman is the clitoris, and it's not that close to the vagina. That may help her, and it may help you to help her.
From the sounds of things, you want her to be able to orgasm. You can't give her an orgasm (and she can't give you one, either) but a partner can and does help to set the mood and to facilitate the other's orgasm. You want to help her, and that's a great start.
2007-04-07 18:37:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is fairly normal, but it is typically correctable. You can do your part by reading a book, or going on to a website of a sex-specialist, or even just asking how you are doing in bed and having her let you know if there is anything that she really enjoys, or would enjoy you doing, However, for most women satisfaction, sexually speaking, is typically found without orgasm, as the release of sperm was much more strongly sexually selected for in human and mammalian evolution as more often then not it leads to pregnancy and the passing on of the trait, whereas the convulsion of muscles in the females groin along with he secretion of typically a small amount of natural lubricant and a slow release of endorphins for 5-300 minutes after the orgasm had absolutely nothing to do with getting pregnant, and thus was neither sexually selected for or against. Just make sure that she is enjoying her sexual experience and try to come to a mutual realization that an orgasm is not as sexually critical to the female experience as it is to the male experience.
2007-04-07 17:45:07 · answer #3 · answered by shabushabu 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a good boyfriend you are for asking... hopefully you'll want to help her through the whole process of finding "it".
Here's my attempt at an answer...
She would know it if she had one.
Is it normal? Hard to say.
It may be possible that some women never have them but that would probably have a medical explanation...(I've heard of something like the clitoris having skin covering it so it isn't as sensitive.)
It's difficult for most women to achieve orgasm with just straight intercourse...you'd have to hit the G spot like all the time and for regular guys it's difficult to maintain that kind of endurance.
My advice, get to the library or the book store and read up on that from the "sexperts" or check out websites from well-known doctors like Dr. Ruth or Sue Johanson or Dr. Drew.
Check out some soft porn or women produced porn (not nasty, hard core stuff) and watch it with your GF for some ideas...and communicating likes and dislikes will be very helpful.
Your GF may require lots of foreplay and teasing which can be fun and exciting (something to the effect is said that 90% of sex is in the brain). Be prepared to do cunnilingus for more than '5 minutes' and get her to tell you what feels awesome. She should also learn more about herself with your help...your tongue and hands. Maybe describe your experience to her...how it feels when you climax.
This will sound weird too... suggest she empties her bladder before sex so if she's 'close' to orgasm she won't feel paranoid that she has the mild feeling of having to pee.
You may have to visit a sex shop to find some toy to help things along too... it depends on what she likes or is willing to try...start small like a tiny clitoris vibrator that can be used when she's on top.
Just be understanding, very patient, tell her she's beautiful and mean it... get her to relax if that's a problem...tell her to stop putting pressure on herself too if that's an issue.
Deep breathing helps too... sounds a little silly but it helps. She could also picture herself having an orgasm. Tell her to not 'chicken out' if she feels close to orgasm and just relax and let it happen.
Hope this helps... I'm trying to think of all the advice I've heard on TV shows.
Maybe orgasms are as individual as people. So it's difficult to suggest specifics... I think your best bet is research and trial (& error).
Good luck to you both!
2007-04-07 18:21:20 · answer #4 · answered by Gigi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am the same way as your GF, but it is probably because the men I have slept with just suck at having sex and are sloppy and just worry about pleasuring themselves. They think if they are pleasuring themselves, then the girl must be into it too. I suggest getting closer to her as to what makes her orgasm. Has she ever been able to orgasm while masturbating?
2007-04-07 19:28:01 · answer #5 · answered by Jess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF she wants to change, you can help her. There are books on the subject. I would look for anything by Masters & Johnson. There's also a terrific book called, "ESO: Extended Sexual Orgasm" which will teach you how to help her have an orgasm, and how you can increase the length of your orgasms to several minutes.
2007-04-07 17:39:21 · answer #6 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes it does happen, but it's not normal. She needs to discuss this with her doctor and if everything is functional you both may need to see a sexual therapist to help you to satisfy her to orgasm. Some women are said to be frigid if they are unable to achieve orgasm but it can be over come. Good luck.
2007-04-07 17:40:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes that's true.not that your not doing right.i'm a 33 year old woman and sometimes i don't have one because i feel ashamed my boyfriend of 8 years always ask me did i .well she will in time don't worry .if not see if she will visit sex therapist to help her understand her body more. what matters is your going 6 years strong.love her in spite of this.she's normal or you would not have dated her for 6 years.good luck to you and her.
2007-04-07 17:44:49 · answer #8 · answered by tasha1973@sbcglobal.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to make her be on top. Have her do the work to what feels good for her. She is going to have to use her "girl muscels" and work it. Almost like a Keegal Excercise but while doing it. Has she ever had one at all??? Try focusing on just her and what feels good for her.
2007-04-07 17:40:27 · answer #9 · answered by Caryn 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Next time your having sex do it doggy style, you know have her bend over, with her hands in front of her, and get behind her and bang her not in the but, but just normal, but do it really really fast, until you just can't do it any more, exadgerate it, and pull it all the way it and all the way out, so it is like in fast foward motion!!!!
2007-04-07 17:57:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋