Seriously, I want to get married but it is not happening?

Question

I have had three long term relationships with all three of my kids fathers I have ended all of them for one reason or another (one cheated, the other just could not commit to me only, and this one has admitttied to using me so I have parted ways with him). I have a number a reason I would love to get married, the reasons include having someone share the same goals as I. A good role model for my children and someone to help lighten the load. An adult to conversate with about dreams, fears, likes/dislikes, basically a best friend who loves me and is honest and I can do the same in return. I just turned thirty, an african american female , I consider myself a cutie, a very hard worker, finishing up my bachlors degree. I think I have a lot to bring to the table, why am I still unmarried or cannot locate someone with decent qualities. Many men I encounter are attracted to the physical and could care less about your mind or thoughts that want noting more than a sex partner.

Answer 1

How on earth you would have time to see anyone is beyond me. You just have to be willing to walk away from every last single person who does not give firm evidence of wanting exactly what you want. Be willing to take no man over the wrong person. I would think church would be the best bet. And you might also see a therapist--in your spare time :-) --to help talk out why you have a pattern of unsuccessful relationships. I get the sense that what you say you want and what you actually are attracted to are not one and the same. I find it interesting, for example, that after the long explanation of how you are looking for a best friend, you then--first and foremost--describe yourself as a cutie.

Finally, marriage is not something you can reason yourself into. And it may well not be good for your kids for you to be spending a lot of time looking for a man.

Answer 2

Well in many ways you have answered your own question. It would appear if you were to closely look at yourself that you seem to choose the same kind of guy. Don't feel bad...many women have the same pattern. You may very well be on to something when you say that men are only attracted to the physical, so take that as probably one of many cues as to the kind of guy you keep ending up with. Problem is, you continue to have babies with all these guys and so now you have three kids with three different biological doners but not a single solitary dad for the kids........and I don't have to tell an intelligent, college degreed woman such as yourself how sad that is. So what do you do? First off start looking in a different direction for men than you have in the past, but first examine closely what it is on your part that allows you to be attracted to a certain kind of guy. This may offer up some clues to you, so you can go another direction when it comes to men. Some self analysis is in order because what you are currently doing isn't working but you seem to repeat the same story line when it comes to men. In a nutshell...for the kids sake....let begin to be very very picky when it comes to the men you allow into your life. When you do meet a guy lets pay close attention to stuff that maybe deep down in the past bothered you about them but you ignored. Lets step up the standard alittle...you deserve better and so do your kids and I do wish you well.

Answer 3

SWEETHEART don't let anybody tell you anything diffrent Theres a good man out there for you and it don't matter if you got kids or not! I was lokking and looking for a husband and then I gave up as soon as I did that guess what? I found one a good man,so what I got to say is maybe your looking to hard.Maybe you need to change what you think is a good man(I'm not saying get less)I was only into dark skin tall men and all the while I was letting some good men pass me by.Also( I know you know this by now ) but please this is where so many woman go wrong at don't move anyone into your house and life i nto you marry them-men think like this if I can get anything and everything(meals cooked good pu--y and a very pretty woman on my arm to show off to my peeps ect.....why go all the way

Answer 4

If you wanted to be married to a man who would be a father for your children then you shouldn't have had sex until you got married. You are still unmarried because you are looking too hard and you are looking for someone to live up to YOUR expectations. You want a man who will be a father to your children...they have fathers. It was YOUR choice not to stay with them. The first one cheated on you...ok, that could have been worked out if you were willing to actually work at it. The second one couldn't commit...so why did YOU spread your legs and allow him to impregnate you if he couldn't commit? That right there was YOUR fault not his. The third one admitted to using you...well obviously you ALLOWED him to do so and you wound up pregnant again...again that was based upon YOUR choice to allow yourself to be used. You say you have "a lot to bring to the table" but all I see are three strikes. And guys think in terms of baseball when it comes to strikes. The reason men you encounter are attracted to the physical is because THOSE are the types of men YOU are attracted to. If they weren't then you would be doing nothing to attract them. And that certainly isn't a lot to bring to the table...

Answer 5

I would say first of all, where are you finding these men? If you are looking for Mr. Right in the wrong place you are never going to find him! I have never done this, but if I were in your situation I would join a reputable service like match.com. That way you can right off the bat find someone who has the same interests as you and who has all of the qualities you are looking for in a man. You can also weed out the men you have NO interest in without taking the time, effort, or money going out on the first date. Good luck.

Answer 6

Well, you had three kids without ever getting married to any of the fathers. So you're giving these guys the sex they want without waiting to determine if he's marriage material. Instead of finding a new bed mate and hoping you'll get married before he turns out to be a jerk, form a relationship with a man that is not based on sex. Then, if that all works out, you can pursue the carnal side of it as well as marriage.

Answer 7

Be patient because the right person will come along.You cant sit at home and hope for too much so get out on the weekends and let the guys see you.Im thinking that you will not last that long at all.Some guy is going to take you out for dinner and you both will be swept off your feet.Hoping for the best for you sweetie

Answer 8

you sound like a good person, but it could be that men feel
uncomfortably with the fact that you are intelligent women
but also have three children by three different men. not try to
put you down. as a black women my self i understand what
you are going through but just hang in there there is someone
that will see the what you have to offered.. good luck to you.

Answer 9

you seem to be attracted to the wrong guys. Change your list of qualities and where you meet guys.

Don't be too desperate and just take any guy that gives you attention. I don't mean it in a rude way, but you sound cool so you should be really choosy especially since you have children.

:)

Answer 10

yeah i guess you got a lot to bring to the table... three kids from three fathers...don't you think that means something to a NEW man... i give up...oh it's not YOUR fault sweetie, it must have been all three of those men that just didn't know a good thing when they had it ... and had it...