My ex walked out on me and our son for the 2nd time just after new year,we had been together for 6 years,anyway we`re now on speaking terms for the sake of our son although he was cheating on me.
I emailed his mum and told her i`d never stop her being a part of my son`s life(he`s her 1st grandchild)no matter what happens between her son and i.I happened to mention to my ex on friday about his mum coming to visit as he couldn`t go through to hers as he wouldn`t settle,she has transport,i don`t.
He replied that his mum isn`t exactly going to come over to my house and make small talk with me,i have never done anything wrong to her or her family and was really hurt by this,i always got on ok with his family,i feel as though i`ve offered her a place in my sons life and she`s threw it back in my face.He didn`t even get a little easter card from her.Do you think she`s being childish?Ok i understand she`s going to stand by her son even though he`s walked out on us twice,am i overeacting?
2007-04-07 14:23:52 · 22 answers · asked by onlyme 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
screw them both.
like you said, its been thrown back in your face.
2007-04-07 14:28:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think you're over reacting. You've been quite generous in allowing her to remain a part of your son's life.
If any thing, I would bet that your ex is not being honest with her. For all you know, he is saying YOU were cheating on him and who knows what else. That would explain the sudden "cold shoulder," or as you put it, throwing your good intentions "back in your face."
Are you close enough, emotionally, to get in contact with her and tell her the real truth? You would have to be very gentle with her and have some proof of his cheating. This is something a mother would not be proud of. You, therefore have to keep reassuring her that she can see her grandson at any time.
She's not likely to believe you at first, this is why I say you should have proof.
Whatever you do, DON'T PUT YOUR SON IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL THIS BY SAYING NASTY THINGS ABOUT YOUR EX OR HIS MOTHER! Children are like tape recorders; they press their little play back button when you least expect it.
So if you say something really negative about your ex or his mother in front of, or to him, he will most likely innocently repeat those words.
The trouble is between you and your ex, not the boy. Bad mouthing the father will only end up making him resent his father as he grows up. And, if you've exagerated anything at all, he'll remember in later years after he hears his father's version and may turn away from YOU.
Always remember, your son cannot understand what the realities are at his age. Every thing you do WILL, however, make an impact on the rest of his life! If you really love your son, you'll spare him talk about all those things you dislike about your ex.
Give Grandmum some time too. It may take years. It may take until your son is a teenager or later that he might have the notion to call her up. You don't want him filled with hate when he does. All you can say to him now, if he asks why he didn't get a card or whatever, is the you "don't know." Leave it at that. He doesn't need all the dirty little details.
Good luck.
2007-04-07 21:45:58 · answer #2 · answered by ThisIsIt! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you have every right to feel upset. Your ex must be stirring things up, as you are doing all the right things to maintain a relationship between you, your son and his mother. Which is a brave thing to do, I may add.
I feel you should call her and sort it out. Make her aware that nothing has changed between you and her and your little boy. Hopefully, she will see that you are offering her a way to see your grandson without getting embroiled in her son's problems.
You shouldn't listen to what your ex has to say about what his mother thinks or what she is going to do or not, and get the truth from the horse's mouth. He sounds like he is not thinking of his son at all.
I wish you the best of luck. I know you are doing this for your little boy, and that is admirable. It is no easy feat trying to keep 'family' together when you have to deal with difficult relationship issues.
2007-04-07 21:42:37 · answer #3 · answered by Happihawkeye 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You were right to extend your hand and offer her a place in your son's life. However, if she abuses your kindness to disrespect you or your son, you must cut off contact immediately and completely. Neither you nor your son need toxic relatives in your lives. But don't jump the gun just yet. From what I understand, so far you only have your ex's word for what his mother's attitude will be, and he's not exactly ..... shall we say trustworthy? So give her a chance to show you how she wants to play this, and take your cue from her.
2007-04-07 21:32:26 · answer #4 · answered by Liz 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well I think calling a grandparent childish is like an oxymoron ! lol
Stubborn silly and just plain rooted is more like a grandparent the way you described and don't worry it's your child if they want nothing to do with their grandkid ...their lose you invited you made the effort! and that is the thing to do never stop don't give them the lead hand keep the ball in your court always invite them
this way your in the good
if they don't come well their lose
well and a bit on your kid but hey mom is there! and that is what counts
always invite so they can never say you never did!
2007-04-07 21:34:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're so not overreacting! She does descerve a place in his life, but if she's gonna act like that then again maybe she doesn't. Also, if you didn't hear that strait from her, there might be a little he said she said mix up. Just try to talk it over with her and see what's going on, just whatever you don't like, "forbid" her from seeing the child because that could lead to a nasty in laws battle.
Good luck!
2007-04-07 21:31:16 · answer #6 · answered by Jess 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does the mom know her son cheated on you, cause if she doesn't then her feelings might change, but if she does know, she is taking her own bloods side and it's sort of childish but all she is doing is taking part of her own blood. And in her head you are probably the EVIL WOMAN who drove her son to cheat. So good luck on working that out..... you arent overreacting.
2007-04-07 21:32:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like a complete witch, just be thankful in a few years that your son will find out for himself that you have tried to give him everything in life that he needs and his fathers side of the family have just behaved like horrible, nasty idiots. I'm sure he'll love you all the more for it when he's older.
2007-04-07 21:48:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Childish may not be the right way to put it, but it doesn't seem like she's taking the whole situation into consideration. Despite her feelings about you, she shouldn't let the child of her son be the one to suffer.
2007-04-07 21:28:49 · answer #9 · answered by Kealdra 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aww! She is the one missing out on a beautiful relationship with your son. Plus, she is lucky you are even inviting her to remain a part of his life.
Very childish and quite unbelievable.
2007-04-07 21:28:46 · answer #10 · answered by i.c. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Like Mother,like Son, sorry but she brought him up to be the Man he is "What do you expect"
Kick them all to the curb and get on with life.
Have Ans loads of your questions and one thing stands out
This Family you Married into is rotten.
2007-04-07 23:48:20 · answer #11 · answered by live life 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋