my sister has six kids she is always working (she is a single mom) i have four kids maried and have 3 jobs ! she makes me and i mean makes me because she is older watch her kids and clean her house she literly puts a guilt trip on me because she has not a husband! i dont know what she is crying about having a husband is not a bed of rosses! anyways what can i do or say to make her not make me feel like i owe her something because i dont!! i have 6 sisters and i am the baby and they all put guilt trips on me to make me do stuff that i dont want to do!! any advice is greatly appreciated thank you :) and i dont care if you dont like the fact that i didnt use spell check !!!!
2007-04-07 12:24:07 · 31 answers · asked by notyochic 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Stand up for yourself. You are (I am assuming) an adult now. Stop letting your sisters bully you. If you do not want to do something, then don't. They should be the ones feeling guilty. Three jobs, four kids and they still make you do things for them. They should be ashamed. Don't feel guilty about standing up for yourself and what is right. You support your kids and take care of them. Make them do the same.
2007-04-07 12:28:47 · answer #1 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First thing you need to do is tell your sister NO. She can't make you do anything. Putting a guilt trip on you is not making you. She is the one who had 6 kids with no husband. It's not your job to take care of her house or her kids. Now, helping out every once in a while is cool. All the time isn't. Stand up for yourself. You aren't a child anymore. You are a mother and wife and you have to take care of your family first and foremost. Tell your sisters NO.
2007-04-07 19:39:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing is to just live your life and don't worry about your sisters or anyone else that feel they have to put a guilt trip on you. More than likely they may be jealous of you simply becuase you are married and they're not.
Nothing is wrong with being a single parent, nor is there anything wrong with being a two parent household. Both has its ups and downs and this sure isn't a perfect world.
You are an adult, capable of making decisions that best for you and your family. Live your life and suggest that they live their own lives too and leave you out of their personal problems.
Good Luck!
2007-04-07 19:31:06 · answer #3 · answered by mathusalum 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start saying things like "oh I'm sorry I kant watch your kids today I have made other plans" or "oh I'd love to watch your children but I made other plans today, next time try asking me earlier in the week so I can plan around it"....as for the cleaning say "oh well since I'm watching your kids I thought I'd get some work done myself while I'm at your house...but I heard there's a great housekeeping service in this area...you should give them a call"
If you start putting your foot down then they'll eventually get the hint....if they put you on a guilt trip hold firm to your other plans and stuff...and if they really start pulling the guilt cards explain that although you love them you have your own life, your own job and your own family and it's rude of them to expect you to drop that for them...
2007-04-07 19:29:08 · answer #4 · answered by Love always, Kortnei 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to give her some of the attitude you just gave all the people you are asking for help on here. You can't blame your sister if you keep caving in all the time. Learn how to say NO. And stick to it. If she shows up with her kids, don't let her in or don't be home when you know she will be arriving. The only way she will respect you is if you respect yourself enough to stand up to her. You didn't tell her to have 6 kids. That was her choice, now she needs to do what she needs to do to take care of them. It sounds like you have enough on your plate with your own life. Helping out once in a while is great, but you need to tell her not to expect it anymore, because you are done being her doormat.
2007-04-07 20:27:56 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can MAKE you do anything. You ALWAYS have a choice. Even if she was putting gun to your head, which I assume she isn't, you would have the choice to say no and deal with the consequences.
So, that's what you need to do now. You need to decide if you want to do this for your sister. If you do not, then you say no and deal with the consequences. If you choose to do it, then you have no right to complain.
It sounds to me like you have a hard time saying no to your sister and I'm sure it's because you love her and her kids. However, you can not let doing this for her cause you to resent her.
The guilt is something you are allowing yourself to feel. Eleanore Roosevelt said, "No one can make you fee inferior agains your will." Make the decision that you know is best for you and best for your sister (sometimes it's best for people to stand on their own) and then remind yourself OUT LOUD daily that you made the right decision no matter what anyone says.
2007-04-07 20:06:46 · answer #6 · answered by Jacqi G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first thought was this.....when does this woman sleep! Honey, you are going to have to learn to say "NO". Your sisters may get mad and not talk to you, but is that such a loss? It's wonderful of you to want to help, but you have a full life like it is. I can understand and appreciate you helping with the kids, but cleaning her house is just a little too much.
You cleans yours?
I can't seem to say "no" either, and both of us is going to have to learn how and fast! You can't keep this up, it's too much, and your marriage is going to suffer. Husband and your family first, and then if you got anything left to give, do what you can, but sweetie, watching her kids some is enough.
Your sister knows exactly what buttons to push to get you do her bidding, and you are going to have to grow a backbone and say "no". Repeat it with me "no". I seen a little fire when you wrote "and I don't care if you dont like the fact that I didnt use spell check". That made me smile by the way! You bring that sass and fire to the conversation with your sister!
Remember the word to learn is 'NO'. Your sisters aren't going to understand or like when you begin saying it, but like I said, what do you have to lose but extra work, doesn't sound like they are giving anything to the relationship but more work and quilt to you. And Honey, you have enough of that yourself.
I am sorry that you are having to deal with all this crap. And it's not right, just because you are the baby doesn't give them right to ruin your life or run you ragged! You think of you and your family! You need to put them on the "to do list" if you have time, and frankly I still want to know how you are doing all this and when do you sleep?
Thanks for the smile! and I ain't using spell check either!
God bless us all........
2007-04-08 19:49:41 · answer #7 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not to blame for your sister's choices. You are however, to blame for your enabling her. Begin to pull away from helping so much. I am sure the children love you and you are attached to them as well, bottom line though. . . you are not their mother, you are their aunt and you have a family of your own. It may seem like you are starting a needless battle but if you don't put your foot down now, what will be next? Don't run away from the choice you make to say No! If you back down no one will take you seriously. And you will find yourself back in the enabling, doormat mode.
You can do it!!!
Best wishes and good luck.
2007-04-07 20:15:19 · answer #8 · answered by pjk'zwife 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where on earth do you find the time with 3 jobs ? What are you super woman? I want a woman like you . Just tell her no no no no and no . I know its hard to tell your sister that but hey you have your own family now and they come first . What does your husband think of all that?
2007-04-07 19:50:13 · answer #9 · answered by dad 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just say no. It's pretty easy. Try it. go on...
NO. See, now try it with her/them. The guilt thing you ghotta work out for yourself. No one can MAKE you feel guilty, you have to allow it. So just stop.
She chose to bring 6 lives into this world, with or without a husband.
It's one thing to help each other out. But not onesided, that the other feels taken advantage of. Again, repeat after me...NO, No, No
2007-04-07 19:32:56 · answer #10 · answered by AlwaysOverPack 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋