My boyfriends ex-wife wants to "interview" me about spending time with the kids?

Question

She claims she doesn't "know" me and wants to "talk with me" I say she should trust the kids father's judgment - Why would he let them be around someone that would hurt them?
I've told her NO, I will not grant her an interview and she should trust their Dad. Anybody got any suggestions?

Colleen-
While I appreciate your response- I have "thought" and "re-thought" this situation. No. 1- I am referring to a woman that has met me two times, comes in and inspects our house EVERY time she drops the kids off and uses her own children to gain information about our relationship.
I have offered her compromises to the "interview process" and she has refused- therefore telling me that this "interview" isn't REALLY about the kids.

Answer 1

As a single mother, I can understand her concern. Although requesting an "interview" is definitely a bit extreme. If you and your bf have been together for a few months now, she should trust his judgement; BUT there is a reason why they aren't together anymore! Has he "interviewed" the men she has brought around the kids?

When my ex-bf and I started dating, he told me how his ex said something about their son being around me, so I told him to explain to her that I am also a single mother and I have an education and a job, so she shouldn't worry. The funny thing about that is that before too long, she was dating a drug dealer and got pregnant by him, and we heard that he had someone else pregnant at the same time and 4 or 5 other kids already -- but she was worried about me! LOL!

• ADDENDUM •
With your additional details, you have shown that she is an over-controlling, manipulative witch, and by all means, you should not comply with her request.

Again, I suggest that the children's father ask to interview every guy she brings around the kids, as well -- and see how she responds to that. I do believe that what's good for the goose is good for the gander and vice-versa.

It is VERY difficult to take the 'high road' in these circumstances, but you and the father need to conduct yourselves with dignity and respect and let her immaturity show on its own. Also document the ways in which she is inappropriate with the children. This may sadly be needed in a courtroom one day. Good luck to you and the kids!

Answer 2

If she was not your bf "ex" would it make a difference?
Make sure who she is isn't what has you so torked off at her for wanting to meet you.
It's easy to take it as an "interview" if you don't care for her in the first place, and have listened to a bunch of negative stuff from your bf about her.
Don't be so defensive, she just wants to meet someone who is spending alot of time with her kids.
Wouldn't you?
Maternal instict is a powerful thing.
Take a step back and look at it from her perspective without the "ex" factor.
There is no harm and sitting down for a cup of coffee with her, is there?
You may even gain a friend, maybe not a best friend, but that's ok.

Answer 3

Okay well-
"interview" is really
a bad choice of words.

However, there is nothing wrong with
her wanting to talk to a woman who will
be spending time with her children -
and let's face it-
men and women don't always
make good choices when it comes
to choosing a partner, because if they did-
there wouldn't be so many divorces.

If you were in a similar situation-
wouldn't you want to know who
was spending time with your children?
It may be that your boyfriend has spoken
of you to her in such a way, that she
realizes your relationsip with him
is serious and could potentially lead
to marriage- making you a "stepmom" candidate.

So cut her some slack-
I know this sounds "old"-
but be the bigger person
and talk to her-
since you both may conceivably
be parenting her children one day.
And whatever questions may arise-
only answer the ones you feel
comfortable with-
no one says you have to tell her
your life story.

Good Luck~*

Answer 4

So why can't she come over for a few and look at you and the kids for a while because it don''t matter any. Come on it sounds to her as though you have something to hide! show her that you are more than she could ever be and make her to understand that you are confident in yourself and know what you want and are about.
She just wants to see how you act under pressure so play a little trick with her and turn the tables. Make sure that she knows that you despise women who make their kids an excuse for a man!

Answer 5

I think your boyfriend's wife is in the corporate world and is using 'interview' as her way of wanting to get to know you. You are a stranger to her and she wants to make sure she feels comfortable with you being around the kids. Instead of being offended, invite her over to dinner one night or even for just a cup of coffee so you two can talk about your views on parenting. It's not as bad as you're making this out to be, she just has an odd way of wording it.

Answer 6

I think she is going overboard. If she cant trust him to " watch out " for the kids around you than she shouldnt send the kids . He has visitation so she must have some trust in him. I am sure your bf is a good guy and perhaps her paranoia is part of the reason she is an ex

Answer 7

I would do it. If the relationship continues with your bf, then you can say that you did everything that you could to make the transition for the children easier and that you were looking out for their interests.

I think that it would be good of you to do that.

Sure the dad has a say so, but it opens the door for HIM to be able to Interview HER boyfriends, so he would have more control over who his kids are around.

Good luck on making your decision.

Answer 8

is this a sparkling element or new boyfriend? a chum of mine is amazingly close along with his ex spouse--she is married to #3 and he's single. They "love" one yet another, yet do not desire to be married and proportion a daughter now in college. He asked me if i thought it strengthen into ordinary; and positively, i think of a relationship of anger and resentment could be lots worse. She is committed to her husband and he's actively finding for a mate. in the adventure that your boyfriend and ex have constantly been like this, i could think of not something of it. it truly is the "after marriage" existence they have worked out.

Answer 9

I would have gone and talked to her. She could give you some great insights on dealing with HER kids. What you just did was put up a major wall between you and her as well as the kids and even your boyfriend. You have set yourself up for problems because you refused to talk with their mom about how you expect them to behave and what her and their father and you can do to make it easier on ALL of you to keep the kids in line. Now you're simply going to have to keep your mouth shut when it comes to discipline, you have removed any rights you had to have a say in their up bringing. I suggest you rethink your bullheaded position.

Answer 10

Ex-wives...aint that a *****. I hate them for sure.

Anyways an interview cuz she doesnt trust you is BS. but I mean they are half her kids so she should be able to atleast meet the woman who is gonna be spending time with them.

Sounds to me she is just being a nosey cow trying to pull typical ex-wife crap. I wouldn't let her "interveiw" you, that sounds so rude. But she probably deserves to know where her kids are and stuff like that.