How do I let my brother's wife know that I'm interested?

Question

My dermatalogist/brother got married to one of his patients, after months of begging. He even adopted her faith and asked for her father’s permission since she's Pakistani and pretty traditional. My brother is a good looking guy and I can clearly see why he went through so so much to marry her, she's insanely gorgeous and an extremely devoted wife. She happily quit law to become a housewife and mother, she cooks feast, irons his clothes, takes care of the baby, and is constantly pampering him. I understand that his wife is influenced from her culture and my wife can never be like her but I come home to an empty house while my brother comes home to a warm dinner prepared by a gorgeous wife.My wife and I had a great friendship until I wanted to start a family and she refused.I thought a career woman was for me but I envy my brother's traditional wife and the devotion he gets from her. I cant stop thinking about her,I go over to their house all the time just to stare at he how do i stop?

I know she's very conservative, but she has sisters, and my marriage is failing..do i just tell her, or do i not? will she think im creepy or terrible husband..clearly my wife doesnt want kids

Answer 1

dump your wife. sister in law will suggest her sisters all by herself.

Answer 2

You need to speak to a therapist. I would highly recommend couples counseling for you and your wife. Are you really going to throw away your marriage over hot dinners? Why not hire a chef if that's what you want. As for the children aspect, you haven't said how old you both are or what her reasons are for not wanting children. Does she not want them NOW or EVER? There is a large difference there. Yes, your brother has a "traditional wife" (whatever that means in this day and age), but you have a loving partner who is working with you to help you both build a better future. Maybe your wife enjoys her career and wants to help the two of you build a stronger financial position before adding expensive children into the mix. Is your salary alone enough to provide a nice house, cars, and all the expensive things kids need and families want?

Also, if you want her to get pregnant and have kids just so you can turn her into little Susie Homemaker, you have another problem. The important question is "Do you love your wife?" Is it HER that you love? Or is it an image of what she could be if....? You also said that your wife and you had a great friendship.... is that all there is to it? If so, then eventually you will get a divorce. If there is no love in your marriage, it will fail. If you do love her, then you need to accept her as she is and not try to change her.

If your only desire is to have a subservient wife who kisses your *** and treats you like god then you are definitely in the wrong marriage. Most American women have learned that we are equal to men and are not going to be cast back into a harem. A truly loving marriage is a marriage of equals who care deeply for one another and work together for common goals. A marriage where one is the master and the other is a slave leads only to resentment over time. Just because your sister in law does these things now does NOT mean that she won't have secret fantasies about slipping him rat poison in 5 or 10 years.

Answer 3

Isn't marriage for better or worse? You're going to have ups and downs and sometimes, it's going to look like the grass is greener on the other side, but guess what? It's not any greener than the side you're on now.

Frankly, just because you thought you wanted a career wife and later on decide you don't isn't sufficient reason to end a marriage. Sounds like you and your wife need to talk about the needs you have that are not being met and maybe even seek counseling. But one certainly doesn't make a decision to end a marriage just because their hormones are humming. And it is hormones humming, not the other stuff you mention.

By the way, have you considered hiring a maid or housekeeper to perform the housekeeping, meals and such that you admire so much in your brother's wife? And maybe planning meals at a time where you and your wife can actually have time together? When is the last time you took your wife out on a "date"? Or bought her flowers? Not for any other reason than just because you could.

Answer 4

I think that its disgusting how you can be envious of your own flesh and blood. Why would you want to destroy a family that is happy just because you are envious. You choose your wife for a reason, maybe your standards should have been higher before entering a marriage. The best thing you can do for everyone is to keep your mouth shut other wise you will not only loose your marriage, but also your brother. Quit making excuses and take control over your own life. If you are no longer happy then get out of your marriage but by no means does that mean go and try and break your brothers marriage.

Answer 5

You need to try to work things out with your wife. You might be seeing faults in her because of your infatuation with your sister-in-law. Focus on your wife. I do understand that it is hard when one person wants kids and the other doesn't. Go to counseling. If the marriage just won't work, get divorced. At least try, though. And quit thinking about your brother's wife. Remember 'the grass is always greener on the other side.' How do you know he doesn't wish his wife was out making money and helping with the bills like your wife does, or that he wishes he hadn't started a family yet? Nobody and no relationship is perfect. Please don't ruin your marriage because you are blinded by jealousy. Good luck!!

Answer 6

So how come you didn't talk about these things BEFORE you married her? Stay away from your brother's wife. Do you fix your wife a good hot meal when she comes home from work? Do you pamper her? Good grief do you have any idea how much children would change your life? And not for the better. I expect you married her so there would be a lot of extra money for you to live the good life. Your values are leaving much to be desired. Leave your brother's wife ALONE.

Answer 7

You need to work with your own wife on your own marriage's problems. You DON'T need to work on anything with someone else's wife.
This is something for a marriage counselor to deal with. Or a divorce lawyer. Preferably both. You seem to think divorce is inevitable and refer to your marriage as something that is dead already. You got a career woman but now your tastes have changed. Have you ever thought of a housekeeper? The devotion is great that you observe in your brother's wife but you don't know what is ahead for them. They could work on their own marital problems privately and it is something that you are not seeing. His wife may someday (possibly even now) think that your wife has the best life! Yes, children are great but your wife knows that you can make a career of them and her career is different. It's hard to have the best of both worlds. Surely you have benefited from your wife's success. Why not appreciate that? She loves you for who you are. Why not try to love her for who she is? You certainly would do that with your brother's wife if you had the chance! You're brother doesn't seem to be anywhere in this story - what's with that? Her sisters are not necessarily going to be like her; she is the one that you have put on a pedestal. And a pedestal is not a good place to be.

Answer 8

Unless you want to mess up your life, you should deal with your own marriage. Talk to your wife about what the two of you want and expect from a marriage and either work on making your marriage work or get a divorce and look for somone who can meet your expectations. Next time, think carefully about what you want in a marriage/spouse BEFORE you tie the knot! Premarital counciling is very usefull for working out the kinks ahead of time!

You will never fix anything in your marriage by going OUTSIDE of your marriage. If you make a move on your brothers wife, you are going to end up very sad and alone! Who will ever trust you if you screw over your own brother?!

Don't mess up your whole life. The one who you will hurt the most will be yourself.

Answer 9

Man you have to be sick to even sit her and plot on how to steal your brother's wife. Just like GOD created her, he created other women after her and you need to start to see that. You chose the woman that you married and now you have to suffer the consequences. If she doesn't want to have any kids then you need to find a way to make her change her mind. As for the situation with your brother, you need to chill out before he ends up beating your a**. It is totally wrong to be stalking his wife and you should know that. If you do anything to break up their home, you have to deal with "THE GREAT I AM" on judgement day and that is a line that will move pretty fast while you are in it.

Answer 10

divorce the wife you have before you start another relationship.2nd you are with out a doubt one of the most saddest examples of a brother i have ever heard of what kind of a man goes to his brothers house just to lust after his bothers wife,you want to stop,quit going over to your brothers house and get your **** together before you do something stupid huh i don't like hit on your brothers wife and end up destroying any love that your brother might feel for you,because if there is anything that come between brothers its the stench of betrayal and deception that comes when one brother tries take the wife of the other one.

Answer 11

I will join the 95% who have answered already and say that you sound like a very confused man, who is unhappily married and who is obviously envious of his brother's happiness....
But actually considering saying something to his wife ....You're in serious trouble and you'd better back off now- before you do something unforgivable!

You need to address the issues that are making you even consider doing such an awful thing....ASAP!

So the answer is NO! NYET! NEIN! NON!