How do i move on, had a terrible childhood?

Question

I dont even know where to start really.

My mum and dad divorced when i was 5, and before they divorced, my dad was violent.

Then my mum hooked up with a man who was just as bad.

For reasons that i dont want to go into too deeply,( lets just say abuse and leave it at that) i went into foster care when i was 14.

Had horrible foster parents for 3 years, then gor placed with lovely foster parents.

Moved out of foster care @ 18 y/o, and am now 29, with 3 kids of my own, and still cant get on with my real family at all.

We see each other 4/5 times a year, and on the surface, everything seems fine, but no one discusses all the stuff that happened years ago.

although i am happy with my life, i just cant seem to move on or forget all the stuff from my past, and would love to just forget about it and move on, please help me!

Answer 1

You don't need to forget about to move on you just have to accept what has passed and let go of it. I have had an unhappy childhood with many of the things you say, I wasn't sent to foster parents I went into a children's home which in itself was pretty traumatic.
I was chucked out of my mothers house at 15 years old and travelled around from relatives and friends house dossibg on their floors for 5 years then when I was 20 I moved in with a guy got pregnant and he became abusive just like everyone else I knew, but I didn't become a victim life taught me to be strong, I didn't turn to drugs or crime like I could so easily have.
I left that abusive man and made a life on my own, eventually I met a wonderful man who has put up with my mood swings. I went to counselling but after 5 times he told me I didn't need to come again as I was doing OK. I told him about myself and he told me that I may never forget about my past but then I didn't need to because my past is what made me who I am, but not to dwell on it too much.
He also told me not to worry about things I can't change like other people, if others want to dwell on the past that is up to them you don't have to see them, I didn't see my family for 5 years because I couldn't deal with the past that we had shared, both my sisters have ended up in a psychiatric unit and I have had two breakdowns but I am much stronger now so I can now help my sisters get over their past without it impeding on me, I am now doing a distance learning degree at the London Metropolitan University and I am living each day as it comes, I hope you can find your own way through the dark days and if you can't handle seeing your family one time or another don't feel bad it is part of you trying to forget the hurt from your past and you are enttiled to look out for yourself because in doing so you are looking out for your children.

Answer 2

1) It is absolutely possible to rebuild your life. And the best way ever is to get professional help. There are many organizations that tackle these issues and help victims. Try to find a community mental health centre. And seek a psychiatrist. Because eventually you counselor is likely to refer you to a psychiatrist. Don't even think for a moment that if you're seeing a psychiatrist means you're mentally crazy. No. You have to understand that your brain has suffered ongoing abuse and trauma. And these people are very friendly and supportive people who are trained to untangle all the mess and release you mentally from your pain. Do not be ashamed of your story. If you want help, then tell everything clearly. After the meeting, the psychiatrist will give you next appointments. It will take you a couple of sittings to get your problem resolved. 2) secondly, try to get away from abusive people and situations in your life. the abusers desensitize your brain and crush your self esteem. you are not an animal. you are a human being. and a human being must have a sense of respect and dignity in life. Ultimately you have to realize that it doesn't matter if its your brother or sister or parents or friend.. if they abuse you.. take action.. be prepared to leave them. its your life! its all about you! you must become independent. moving away from stressors will cut of 70% of your problem. that's a huge relief. 3) if you sincerely take professional help and the medications they give you.. then eventually you will become happier and more confident. when i said leave behind the stressors .. i meant that only if you are above 18 -19 of age and able to get casual or part-time job. yes. no kidding. earning some money by doing any work, small or big, (but legal), will release you from most problems. if not able to work, then at least voluteer for community work or something. coz you have to build your own identity by connecting with new people. these three things will help you rebuild your self. be sincere. don't give up. if you fail, start again. but dont give up. and soon you will be a new person. and that day you will look back and appreciate yourself for your resilence and effort. all the best ;)

Answer 3

You need to try overcome the the past and not be a victim for the rest of your life.

Your family probably want to forget the past just as much as you do and so don't bring it up.
My family is very much like that but I prefer it now as I am a very private person and would find it difficult to anyway.
If you feel you have to talk to someone in your family, then ask the person you feel closest to if they would mind talking, tell them how important it is to you.
Try writing it all down and then either add to it at the odd interval or burn it.
Good luck.

Answer 4

If you don't want to go to counseling, I suggest keeping a journal, and keep track of your thoughts and memories that disturb you. Get them all out on paper. Every word, every emotion, every curse. When you feel you've got them all down. Drive out somewhere and burn the book. Close the book on that chapter of your life, and let it burn and turn to ash. You're a survivor and you know strength and perseverance. It is no longer your burden to carry the wrongdoings of others or make excuses for their shortcomings. Take care of you, do it in secret. I hope this will help you to be able to continue your future and truly let go of the past and know that as the old saying goes, "You've come a long way, Baby." Good luck to you!

Answer 5

You Should really consider going into counseling. It will help you deal with a lot of your issues. You may need to go to more than one to find the right counselor.

If you don't have the financial resources or insurance there are places that base what you pay on "Sliding Scale", so pretty much you pay what you can. even if it is just Five dollars.

Good Luck I Hope I Helped

Answer 6

You have every reason to consider that you have been let down, only you can make the choice over what happens next. I don't know how much your biological mother is to blame, perhaps you don't. I do know that you need to be the one in control. My initial reaction was to say, 'don't bother with them'. You and only you know what the facts are, it may be right cut off contact with your biological family, it sounds to me that it is, but only you can decide that. Perhaps you should try to see a counselor, they may be able to help you work through this difficulty. Remember your own children are what must be your main priority. Good luck, I hope you manage to work things out.

Answer 7

As you raise your kids you will naturally relive your past ( when they are six ..you are six)Therapy can be a big help.. It will help you to understand your past through an outside source and explain the behavior of your parents without you in the equation, You may realize that they ..dispite all of their faults.. were doing the best that they could. And all that you have to do is avoid the traps that got them.
You seem like a fine person.. See a Psychologist (like the rest of us) and enjoy your babies. Life goes on.
Good Luck.

Answer 8

it's perfectly normal to still have the remnants of your childhood in your mind, despite a happy present life. first off, congrats on surviving and making it work. those are vital formative years and one has to heal from all that trauma. you need to see a therapist and work through those issues in order to move on. ask around and find a good and compatible one. is there are support group for other survivors of abuse? provide mutual support with others that understand what you've been through. you will eventually be able to move on but it will take time. and continue to enjoy the life that you do have (sounds like you are!)

Answer 9

It is hard to move on, I know I wish I could say it is easy.

I had a difficult childhood. I will not bore you with the details.

I find what has helped me most is psychology.

This sounds daft but part of the psychology work I do is pretending the adult me can hug the little me who needed that and didn't get what I needed.

I do a lot of other work in psychology that is only part of it.

Answer 10

Yes some kind of therapy would be good but do also remember be grateful for the life you have now. Be grateful for who ur and the strengths you have developed and the person u have become. nothing says u must forgive there has to be something about ur self that u like. i also came from abusive family life but I am grateful for learning to become strong independent person. Good luck