Therapy??not helping i now hate my hubby more!!?

Question

I have been married 3.5 yrs and i feel a mixture of hate/indifference to my hubby .We met my last year of college and we got engaged then married by the end of that year.I dont think we knew each other that well.Problems started on the honeymoon he was ultra christian and still a virgin. I had been with 3 guys before meeting my hubby so i tried to take charge he got upset and the many times after that when i wanted to try something he he turned me down.Our sex life never got any better i hate it and thus far have stopped having sex with him for past 4 months.He trys to force me to go to church since he goes every suday. I prefer to go to my own church(catholic) when i please.Hubby thought i should dress more conservativley and took it upon himself to do some clearing of my wardrobe.I am a free spirt who likes to try new things from food to hobbys and he would rather not most of the time.Feel like he is suffocating me and he never listens.

Currently i am living with my hubby in texas (not my idea we moved for his job in insurance)but i have a degree in marine biology that i cant use really here and i hate it!

Counsler gave us communication homework which just caused more fights!

Answer 1

Counselling is not an exact science and where people's minds are concerned, all the theories in the world will not help all of the people all of the time....it works for some and others, it doesnt. Giving you communication homework seems a bit odd. Unless your husband wants to be involved in the counselling, then all these exercises the counsellor is giving you is really wasted. You are on one plane and your husband is on another. You dont seem to have much in common at all and no counsellor is going to change that. Your husband has to become more tolerant of your free will.....so maybe he needs some non-christian counselling so as he can get to know you better. He needs to go to counselling with you if you want it to really work. Counselling does not get a couple back together.....it gives you power to make decisions...it teaches you better ways to handle things, but it will never make a marriage good unless both parties are open to change. Is your husband open to change? If hes not, then no wonder the counselling isnt helping. He has to learn to compromise...you cant do it all.

I hope it works out for you.

Answer 2

You two are deffinitely different. Your husband probably got his views from when he was a child and now that's all he knows. Unfortunate for you. Usually I would try to answer to someone who I'd hope would have a chance, but unless your husband starts respecting you for who you are, then I don't see how you two could possibly make it. Nobody has a right to go through your clothes or try to get you to go to their church. He's obviously putting his religion before his marriage and that is going to cost him if he can't change his way of thinking. You have some serious thinking to do about your life with your husband. Good luck.

Answer 3

I'm sorry to say that if therapy didn't work nothing will! I think that things have gone far beyond a kiss and make it better! Maybe you should call it a day and find someone else! It sounds easy but i know that it's not! Good Luck!

Answer 4

Sometimes, when we get married quickly, we are still in the infatuation stage of love. This is when your body is flooded with chemicals creating a high. This high is marked with butterflies in your stomach, amazing sex, never running out of things to say. The problem when we marry during this stage of love is that we are still wearing our rose-colored glasses. Everything about him seems to be perfect. We haven't seen each other yet with the glasses off.

It seems to me that the two of you are having a bit of a power struggle. Actually, this is the second stage of love. At this time, couples become disillusioned and disappointed when there differences seems too big to deal with. The only advice I have to give you is to continue with the therapy. If this therapist isn't good, try a new one. Healthy couples are able to negotiate their differences and move into the next stage of love. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

Hon pull the plug is over.. from religion to ideas you guys are like oil and vinegar, you are never going to be happy with this man because you said it your self he wants to force things on you like his religion how in the name of god can we force religion on someone? if you stay you will be very miserable that is why we have laws that can divorce us and we can have a real chance in life and plus you say you have an education, hey tell your hubby bye bye is time to realize you guys made a tremendous boo-boo when you decided to get married, you will find someone more compatible with you. end it before is too late, good luck.

Answer 6

If he does not want to treat you in the christian way and hope for you to come around then you need to leave. The difference for religion on moral problems is not bad because from my reading they are close to a point. The catholic worshiping Mary and saints as well as god would be my concern, not your dress and not being conservative. If he will not work with you leave and find someone that will love you the way god loves his church. That is how you are supose to love your wife.

Answer 7

I think you know this isn't going to get any better. Cut your losses and move on. I know it isn't easy, but you're a strong woman and you'll be OK. I know, I speak from experience.

Good luck.

Answer 8

if your hubby wont let you be yous self, then the relationship is and has been over since the begining. if your not willing to sit him down and tell him what you need, then end it now. it will only get worse, which will cause you to start cheating.

Answer 9

Why are you here? Spend your computer time polishing your resume and posting it. I don't often say this but your marriage was a mistake from the beginning. Move on, don't look back.

Answer 10

What does the counselor say? You left that part out.

Reading material:
Relationship Rescue, Dr Phil