A little background first, I quit drinking a year ago because my wife cannot handle her alcohol and we were fighting all the time when we drank.
Last weekend she wanted me to go to a party with her and her coworkers and I said no. I asked her to please not get drunk and drive. She said ok, of course she got drunk and crashed on our friends couch and then drove home in the morning. .
Last night she got home and said I have to go to a party with my coworkers and would you please go. I said no again, I have my son this weekend. I was woke up at 6 this morning with her crying and saying she had a problem. She reeked of booze and said I was raped at the party. I am suspicious, she didn't call, she went to the hospital supposedly and a rape kit was done, she says the guy was arrested, she has a small black eye, no other sign of struggle, she's very defensive, I am not getting much info. Yes she has lied to me before but not on this level. How should I handle this?
2007-04-07 02:48:23 · 15 answers · asked by Cliffy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Cliffy, think of the consequences of not believing her compared to believing her! If you believe her and find that it's a lie and she just had a fling with a rough individual, then you are going to be extremely upset with her. If you don't believe her and you find she "was" raped you are going to be extremely upset with yourself. I would approach this with compassion, not intellect. If you are wrong big deal. The truth will not change your next reaction. Just postpone it for awhile.
2007-04-07 02:59:16 · answer #1 · answered by delux_version 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why are you suspicious? Rapists do not always beat up their victims or leave bruises and if she was very drunk, perhaps there was not much of a struggle. She should probably get some counselling and perhaps you two could invest in some couples therapy to help you deal with this. She is defensive probably because she is ashamed and feels like it was partially her fault. That's normal for someone who was raped.
Wow, I can't believe that you think she's full of ****. That poor woman!
2007-04-07 02:52:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cliffy, just be there for her, let her come to you or at least try not to ask to many question. Sometimes when a woman get rapped, all they want to do is hide in the darkest place that they can find. I do not know the details but no one will say she got rapped if it didn't happen. For my own experience, a few years ago I was raped by 3 men that I don't even know, I was in a wrong place and a wrong time, to make this short, I didn't tell me husband for at least a few months,till I was stopped by a cop.
Let me just say that my life was changed, lost my dignity, self respect, my world and yes my dignity. That time all I want is to be alone, not because of self pitty, but I felt so dirty and confused that all I can think of is why?.why did it happened to me.....Now after that event of my life, I can really say that no matter what had happened to me in the past was for me to look at my life, it's really perfect and I can't really say that it will not happened to me...............so please no matter how bad your relationship with your wife, just be there, let her come to you, support her by saying nothing. And please.don't suggest to her that she needs to see a councilor so it can help her,..........raped women has their own different fear, so just listen when she wants to talk about it,..............and watch her if you can,......do am sorry for what's going on with the two of you................
2007-04-07 03:37:22 · answer #3 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
does she know her attacker? if she is suffering from this alot then she shud find this person and put him in jail so she can feel safe becuz most rape victims dont feel safe especially if that person is still on the loose. hopefully, ya wife has learned from all of this and that she wud quit her drinking. she needs help with that too. but u need to be there for her. ask her what can u do for her. ask how she feel about the whole thing.
2007-04-07 02:55:23 · answer #4 · answered by CaribbeanChica 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is your wife. So believe her. If she says she was raped then believe her. Just support her and do not show any doubt. If she is lying it will come out in court because of witnesses. So just support her. No one really lies about being raped. If it was consensual she would have just kept it secret, not made up a story about rape. she has no reason to lie.
2007-04-08 09:32:44 · answer #5 · answered by Educated 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love her then you can trust her to some degree...Just be supportive, calm & collective. If there is any deception in the matter, well these things have a way of coming to light in due time...Until then you may have to take her at face value being that is your wife. Good Luck!
2007-04-07 02:56:10 · answer #6 · answered by 411 Sponge 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
your wife needs professional help.
because of her drinking she's getting itno dangerous situations.
physically as well as emotionally.
just terrible all around.
she was raped...obviously no protection was used..oterwise they couldn't have gotten a sample for the test.
so now she's made herself open for possible HIV infection or any other STD.
unfortunately when a woman is drunk..she can't defend herself...
does she even remember what happened?
she does need to be sent somewhere to deal with her alcoholism.
it reached a very dangerous point.
2007-04-07 02:55:57 · answer #7 · answered by manhattanmaryanne 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Simple fact is that drunks lie.
You have some choices:
- she could get professional help for her drinking
- you could continue suffering from having a drunk for a wife
- you could learn to enjoy having a drunk for a spouse
- you could leave her
2007-04-07 02:55:01 · answer #8 · answered by Clown Knows 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hmm, i would ask her co-workers about what happened. if i was raped, i would tell my hubby and id want him to be with me at the hospital, but some women are different. she may be ashamed bc u told her not to get drunk, and not to go party and look what happend!!!..she may feel like crap..so id take baby steps and offer to go to court , see if you can go down to the station ...i am praying that she did not lie to you about something of thsi magnitude.
2007-04-07 03:53:40 · answer #9 · answered by yellabanana77 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you may checklist it because of the fact he fairly intoxicated you the comparable way date rapists usually use roofies to coax women into intercourse because of the fact they are going to be too a techniques long previous to be waiting to apply their inhibitions to decline, you probably did no longer prefer this to happen, they'd have referred to as a cab for you women or no longer slept interior the comparable mattress as you, what he did continues to be incorrect even though the way you seem at it.
2016-10-21 06:41:35 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋