i am (unhappily) married and in love with a guy i work with who has a girlfriend. He has told me that he is very sexually attracted to me, as i am to him. He has a girlfriend that he sees and talks to every once in awhile. He tells everyone that he is unhappy in his relationship, but doesn't want to be without her (they've been together for 10yrs), but don't live together. he has said he is afraid to have a long term commitment type relationship because of his divorce and of this relationship with his girlfriend. i'm not sure how to handle this...i want a relationship with him, but he doesn't....for now. how to i handle this situation??? we are really interested in each other...we talk everyday at work, and at nite online. Only serious answers please.
2007-04-07 02:23:03 · 12 answers · asked by Verge 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he says he doesn't have a sexual relationship with his girlfriend. in years past, he used to spend the nite at her house, but lately has not. he says (to the guys at work), that he talks to her a few times by phone, sees her at lunch, and talks to her at nite by phone or computer. there is a week long party going on in july that he really wants me to go to...it's out of state. he says he doesn't want her to go, but wants me to. what do i do?? i really want to go to this party with him..
2007-04-07 02:26:39 · update #1
Go with him to that party. Whatever happens, it will be a step away from the sameness of your current drudgery. He may decide that he wants to stay with you, or you may not like the idea. Either way, the break has been made. It'll be a mess, emotionally and practically, but is that any worse than continuing the way you are? Think about it. Serious decisions are the order of the day, Verge. Think hard about YOUR future.
2007-04-07 02:36:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a bad idea on so many different levels.
You don't know if he is really unhappy with his girlfriend, he might just be lying to get into your pants. I'm sure his girlfriend probably has a different story than he does, do you really want to wreck her life just for some sex? Since he isn't married, doesn't live with her and is unhappy, why does he stay with his girlfriend? See his story doesn't make sense.
You on the other hand are headed down the wrong path. If you are unhappy, cheating isn't the answer. It will just make you cheap and a tart, why don't you just leave your husband and get a divorce first? Is that just too easy, or do you really want to become the talk of work? The fact that he is "claiming" to not want a relationship with you is just a ploy guys use to set the hook deep. That way the fish (you) won't get away later after the affair gets public. You are being played.
Do the right thing, if you are really that unhappy tell your husband you want a divorce and leave him. That way you can hold your head high when you start a new life with a good man.
2007-04-07 02:33:59 · answer #2 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you are unhappily married. Why is that? Have you tried to put in the amount of effort towards your marriage, as you have towards this colleague?
You say you talk to this guy everyday, and even at night...when was the last time you and your husband spoke this way?
Seeing that he is not ready for a commitment, not only from his girlfriend of 10 years, let alone from you, i suggest you leave the situation alone.
In regards to your marriage, I don't know what went sour in it. However, i would advise that you remember this...the two of you got married. That was a commitment. It might have been for the right reasons, or the wrong reasons. Nevertheless, it was a commitment.
Now you are running after a guy who, clearly, does not want a commitment. He is even willing to just be with you (primarily sexually), even while he has had a girlfriend for the past ten years!
Please, for the sake of you and everyone else in this family, including possibly, kids and especially your husband, rethink this entire deal.
If the marriage is irreconcilable, then end it before entering into another relationship. If, and when you do decide to end it...I hope you don't place high hopes for a bright future with this co-worker. He does not seem to be in the same place as you.
2007-04-07 03:23:56 · answer #3 · answered by Patience 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lol some of the other answers to this question really suck... Its not about her being a woman and growing up u fools... Her parents have fixed the marriage this could b a part of their religion and that is also another reason why she is abiding by it. But to you dude seriously follow ur heart, if u love each other then u should b together, happiness doesnt come frokm marryin sumone to keep others happy. if u dont try to keep her i fear u both b making a huge mistake. Speak to the girl u love and go about doing things together this looks better instead of u just emailing the guy. This way u said united. The best of luck to u whatever u decide
2016-05-19 03:05:32 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Double negative:
You are married
He is settling for a girlfriend he is unhappy with
Maybe you could both decide to cheat and feel really good about yourselves getting one over on them instead of being adults and dealing with your situations...
2007-04-07 02:31:25 · answer #5 · answered by Ker Plunk 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but if he told you he's affraid of commitment, why do you want to get involved with him? 10 yrs, no ring? I'm a guy, and even i see a problem with that. But if you really really want him, i suggest you think about it. Good luck!
2007-04-07 02:28:06 · answer #6 · answered by Pink S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you both book a hotel room for a night and bang together and get over with it and see how good or ugly you or him body are and how good the sex is and for heaven safe ask him to put on a condom.
2007-04-07 02:33:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are throwing your life away if you leave your husband for this guy.
huge mistake.
you are an adult, think like one. if he really was unhappy then he would have left his girlfriend but he is still with her.
you might be sexually attracted to him, but are you really wanting to give up everything to have sex with this guy?
hope not.
2007-04-07 02:30:44 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet_Addy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol - you want a relationship with a married man and he doesn't want you... He's married, has a girlfriend and criticizes his wife to everyone. What a catch!
2007-04-07 03:11:53 · answer #9 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He just wants a sexual thing with you and nothing else. If you're good for that, fine, but it's cheating. You cheater!
2007-04-07 02:28:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋