don't these people sound a tad desperate???
2007-04-06 23:19:50 · 12 answers · asked by ~ B_e_K_z ~ 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
They sure as hell do.Dxx
2007-04-06 23:23:03 · answer #1 · answered by Bella 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree, it's not bad, but it doesn't flow very well. It's very choppy. You hop from description of the forest to his thoughts about his friend and back again. like this here: Hiking up big boulders and searching the gazebos I eventually got lost, circling the large forest. Really, I wasn’t lost, I was just confused. Where could she have gotten in twenty seconds? Not far—I hoped. The sun was blocked by the trees, making me feel only the slight breeze blowing through my hair. It cleared my mind. You switch from him thinking about his friend to how the trees blocked the sun. You need a lead-in right there. start a new paragraph first of all, then do something like, "I shifted my focus to the line of trees on the horizon, searching for the sun." Follow where he looks as well. and right here: I tried to map out where I was. -- show exactly what he's looking at. something like, "I turned my gaze to the invisible trail on the forest floor." you need more of that sort of thing to keep it fluent. You need to give small reasons for why he's doing thing, so it doesn't appear so jumpy. There's a technical word for this that's eluding me at the moment. I call them "tie ins". It leads from one thing to another fluently. 20 seconds is definitely too literal. Was he watching his watch? If not, use "a few seconds" or even count heartbeats or breaths or something a little more natural. hope this helps.
2016-05-19 02:41:32 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very annoying.... but sometimes I answer them for the 2 points, lol. If they wanna waste their 5 points asking that be my guest.
2007-04-06 23:23:19 · answer #3 · answered by exe 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Who people?
2007-04-06 23:23:12 · answer #4 · answered by Amanda 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes
2007-04-06 23:24:17 · answer #5 · answered by Jo H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES! and those who ask for stars LoL
I mean what do stars get you !
2007-04-06 23:24:33 · answer #6 · answered by MynameisShirl 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yeah totally
2007-04-06 23:23:36 · answer #7 · answered by tu madre 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nope, just bored.
2007-04-06 23:25:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh God yes!
2007-04-06 23:27:38 · answer #9 · answered by Maple Leaf 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's their goal in life.
2007-04-06 23:22:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋