I just feel so sick and disgusted at myself that I could even have these dark thoughts in my head..even worse get turned on by them.. I've never been "normal" sexually..ive always had fantasies of being tortured and hurt, and my idea of a perfect guy is a sadist, its like i want him to enjoy my pain..my first sexual thoughts were very scary..i dont know how i could have thought of things like that on my own at that age..i dont want to go into the detail because its private to me but its like that bd sm stuff, except more extreme. i just hate myself after and it makes me feel worthless..i need to stop having these thoughts?
2007-04-06 22:43:42 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Get an appointment with a counselor. It's not your fault that you have such thoughts. There's no shame in that. The point is not to do anything that's going to hurt you. You need to talk to someone as soon as possible. You need someone who is trained to help you deal with this and get past it. It's good that you're concerned and want to change this. Call and get an appointment on Monday!
2007-04-06 22:48:52 · answer #1 · answered by Annie D 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First off, no one develops in any way (emotionally, psychologically, sexually, spiritually) at the same level. Some people mature emotionally before they mature psychologically, and vice versa. So, the first thing you need to do is stop trying to 'compare' your sexual development to someone else. It will only make you more confused, and less confusion is what you need.
Secondly, whenever people fantasize about something, they do so in a way that (very often) their physical bodies are incapable of at the time. In other words, its easier to fantasize about satisfying 10 men (or women) in a row than it is to actually do it in real life. So, while your fantasies of being with a 'sadist' might seem to be quite extreme, what you could actually, physically, endure (and find pleasureable) is (or can be) something quite different.
Part of what 'turns' you on is the 'extremity' of the behavior. It's partly what makes sneaking ice cream taste so much better than when we can eat it out in the open.
In other words, the more 'deviant' you make the behavior, the more 'deviant' it has to 'appear' in your fantasies in order to satisfy the craving.
'Fantasies' of 'torture' and 'hurt' may seem contradictory, except that the operative word in that statement is 'fantasies'. In other words, although you may be 'fantasizing' about activities that others may consider 'torture' or 'hurtful', you actually do not consider them as such. I can say this because you cannot find pain 'pleasureable'. 'Pleasure' is what people find 'pleasureable' and pain is what people find 'painful'. And although you may not be 'aware' of the difference in your fantasies, I can pretty much guarantee there are incidences in your life where you go 'OUCH' and are far from turned on by it.
That means that the 'pain' being administered in the fantasy is really a 'certain' kind of pain, administered in a certain way or manner that your mind interprets as 'pleasure', thus, it is not 'pain' at all. Pain makes us go 'OUCH', it doesn't make us go 'Oh YAAAAAAH'.
Some people drink apple juice and go 'Yuck'. Some people drink apple juice and go 'Yummmm'. The difference is not in the juice but in the person processing the experience. There are ways to selectively 'experience' what you desire safely, but trying to deny or demean them will only make the repercussions of them (the fantasies you have afterwards will grow in intensity since they have to overcome the guilt you experience each time you give into them) grow.
You stop having thoughts when the desire creating the thoughts is satisfied. Trying to deny that your hand is on fire is not going to make your hand stop hurting. Likewise, trying to deny what turns you on is not going to make it any less attractive to you. Obviously, something inside of yourself is interpreting the 'fantasy' as something that is pleasureable (and thus beneficial) to you. You cannot begin to understand what that is by trying to deny that it is there in the first place, or that it shouldn't be there. However it came into being, the sooner you deal with your fantasy as being a part of who you are, the sooner (and safer) you will be able to deal with yourself.
2007-04-07 07:14:47 · answer #2 · answered by Khnopff71 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There really isn't any way to control your sexual desires on your own, if this is really concerning you then go and speak to a professional, just because your sexual desires are not based as NORMAL doesn't mean they are abnormal either, lots of people have fantasies and sexual thoughts that are devious, they just aren't as well discussed!!!
2007-04-07 05:48:07 · answer #3 · answered by ballarinababyz 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Dear Asha,
EVERYBODY has dark fantasies ... most of us don't dare to talk about it. You only have to really start worrying if you convert them in reality.
Analysis: It seams that those kind of thoughts don't give you pleasure. They are against your moral… so, most probably that kind of thoughts come from your unconscientiously desire to punish yourself. There is something dark in your life you are dragging and it's tormenting you; something made you feel guilty and you blame yourself for that; something maybe you did or you failed to do when you should have done it. Most of the time it is something coming from our childhood (whether we can remember it or not – it’s in our sub-conscience). Maybe you were molested & you feel dirty for that; maybe you feel you betrayed the confidence of your parents because you were not a good daughter, maybe your father or mother were not good example & you feel ashamed for that, etc, etc, etc…(again and again unconscientiously).
By the way I just read your profile & found you are ONLY attracted to much older men.
Answer: You are not searching for a husband you are searching for your father in the man you want as husband...It gives you stability & security.
Relating this attraction with your Dirty thoughts I can assure you that something happened in your life you are ashamed of & you feel you betrayed the confidence of your father & now the only way to have stability and security is by marrying somebody who represents your father.
Advice: Seek for Professional Help. (A good Psychiatrist) to have a Psychic evaluation from your childhood till now.
2007-04-07 15:06:20 · answer #4 · answered by Sam B 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Many people have the same problem. I respect your privacy. However, your mind may be telling you that you want it deep down. Perhaps you should try it. If you hate the real thing, just never do it again
2007-04-07 06:06:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just write down these thoughts or talk to a really close friend that will understand it. I know exactle what you are talking about.
2007-04-07 05:59:00 · answer #6 · answered by bee bee boo 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
These are your sexual fantasies that you have in your soul or consciousness...However you are repressing those thoughts because it is not accepted in our common society...But i would advise you a therapist...Its your desires that you need to control really
2007-04-07 05:52:23 · answer #7 · answered by MK <>< 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
you have to talk to professional..or mybe you watch a lot of fantasy movies or something like beyond possible? that makes you feel that way..
2007-04-07 07:56:23 · answer #8 · answered by charm 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have some pretty nasty thoughts myself, but.. They're just thoughts, you can push them aside by thinking of something nicer. Just accept yourself as you are, you don't have to act on thoughts.. I recommend you don't. But surely there's nothing to fear but fear? :)
2007-04-07 05:58:22 · answer #9 · answered by Destiny Palmist 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
talk to a professional
2007-04-07 05:58:03 · answer #10 · answered by booge 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋