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I'm soon to be deploying to Iraq and I am engage to a beautiful woman back home. Me and her are still a very young couple and I was wanting to know other people opinions on if we should try getting married before I leave or if we should wait tell I come home.

2007-04-06 21:27:01 · 19 answers · asked by Detective Dick Davis 1 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

19 answers

Love can happen at any time during your life. Being young doesnt mean you dont know how to love.....love isnt exclusively for older peope. You need to discuss this with her. Find out what she wants to do. She needs to know though that she will be alone a lot while you are in Iraq, but let her make that choice. Let her make an informed decision. If you love her enough then ask her to marry you, then tell her what it will be like if the two of you marry before you go. Inform her of the risks, then let her make the choice. Tell her what your preferences are, then allow her to choose whether she would like to marry before you go or wait until you come home. The two of you need to sit down and discuss this. It's her choice too. She may be young, but she will know what she wants.

2007-04-06 21:34:35 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0 0

I'd get married before I deployed if I were you. She would be the recipient of benefits if something should happen to you, and be able to carry on although this position may seem unpopular to those whom are not a Service Connected Disabled Veteran as I am.

I'd make it a simple legal wedding with a Judge or J.O.P.

It would give you both a more tangible bond, and also as I said would allow her to be Mrs. Soldier and be able to set up home with the benefits of being a Soldier's/Sailor's/Marine's wife.

I would however when I got back...if I were you, after rotating out have a nice ceromonial wedding with all the bells & whistles. You both could celebrate, and see how your marriage survived with the great test of being in theatre from the get go. Just as many soldiers before you in many wars married before shipping off, .....many such marriages have survived for many years. It gives you both something to look forward to, and also will give you a point of reference and well proving that if you both can survive being apart because of a war, then your marriage could survive almost anything. This has been the crux of those I know that were married under such circumstances.

I wish you the best my young fellow Veteran/Soldier. Be safe, and God's Speed!

2007-04-07 04:57:08 · answer #2 · answered by The Sylvan Wizard 5 · 0 0

It's really up to you two what you want to do. If you truly love and trust each other and want to get married then go for it but if you are doing it because of the fear of losing each other or growing apart then you might want to wait. Just make sure it's for the right reasons. My husband and I became engaged and were only able to write letters (I got his a week after he sent them and he'd get my replies two weeks later). We got married later and the distance had actually strengthened our relationship. We realized just how much we could get through together and that whether we were apart or together that didn't change our true feelings.

I've seen some friends of mine getting married right before a deployment and they had mixed feelings about it. On one hand they were happy to be married to the men they love and also there's knowing that they will be taken care of should the worst happen but on the other instead of having a long honeymoon and having the joys of starting a home together they were on their own. If you decide not to get married until after... if she really loves you she will be there waiting for you when you get home. If you do then I say the same.. .if she really loves you she will be there waiting for you when you get home. Don't let anyone tell you that she'll leave if you don't marry her, that could happen either way if her feelings really changed or she didn't truly love you. A true love will wait if they must.

So again it is really up to you two. I've seen girlfriends, fiancees and wives get through deployments it's really all about the love and trust. I wish you luck and thank you for your service to our country you and your family will be in my prayers.

2007-04-07 05:00:35 · answer #3 · answered by KayChalce 1 · 0 0

It's your choice and use the factor on how long
you had know her. When I was in the military I met
my wife and had to get deployed also before we
were married. We waited and after 5yrs later she
was still there for me so I knew then that it was
meant to be and we got married afterwards and
are still married more than 20yrs. I know that is
a little long that she waited but again use your
judgement and you will not be deployed for 5yrs
in Irag so maybe wait a little and while on leave if
the feelings still are the same then you can get
married. It's your decision however.

2007-04-07 10:18:50 · answer #4 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0 0

Dont get married if it is just for the "extra benefits" you guy will get. How long have you been engaged? Do you really know each other? Dont jump into anything. She will be there when you get home. I would say if anything propose to her now, let her plan the wedding while you are gone and set a date a few months after you get home. Make sure you make the right move! If it is meant to be it will! No need to rush!

2007-04-07 09:24:57 · answer #5 · answered by kewpiedoll0409 3 · 0 0

My husband just left Tuesday for Iraq (called me to tell me he is already there now). We got married this time around. Via: his second time in Iraq right now.

We were more steady, committed to the fullest and were ready. We orginally were going to wait, but we decided not to as the benefits are good and we felt it was time and can spend our orginal wedding date/place for our 1 year anniv still.

Even though President Bush signed the bill and things are suppose to be more calmer in Iraq, there is still that chance you might not come home and that is not a reason to go out and get married either. If going to do something, do it right and do it at the right reason.

The main reason I say to wait is because you are asking strangers for a personal decision. If you are ready to marry her now, you wouldn't need strangers "okay".

Where suppose to get stationed at in Iraq? (My husband was in T-Q and now going to Rawah, eventually transfering to "hit" I believed it is spelt?). He was in T-Q andAl Ramadi last time.

I am always open for any of those military wives, fiances, girlfriends and others who have someone special/spouse etc being deployed. If she wants to, she and you can email me anytime.

Arrive safe and come home safe.

2007-04-07 04:46:13 · answer #6 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0 0

How soon are you deploying? How long have you been with this girl? Do you trust her completely? Would you share a bank account with her? My advice...since you aren't married yet I would wait until AFTER you come back from Iraq. I am not saying she will cheat, but there are a lot of women out there that screw their husband's over while they are deployed.

Just wait...trust me.

Oh boo hoo whoever gave me a bad rating. You should hear the stories my husband has heard about their skanky wives!!!

2007-04-07 04:32:12 · answer #7 · answered by Brianna's Mommy 4 · 3 1

You could always get engaged before you leave and then get married when you get back. Also, planning a wedding will give her something to do to take her mind off of the scary things that run through our minds when y'all are gone to a dangerous place. Good luck!

2007-04-07 04:32:10 · answer #8 · answered by shellshell 4 · 0 0

I think that you should get married for two reasons the first being for maybe crude to talk about for some people but I see it as a necessity and if you truely love her you would want to leave her taken care of if God forbid something happens to you. Second reason should be for the obvious the love factor I would definetly feel better sending a husband there than a boyfriend atleast I got to marry my man before he left for the unknown. I would carry him in my heart and keep the fact that he had the respect and love for me to make the commitment of a lifetime...good luck...Angel

2007-04-07 04:37:28 · answer #9 · answered by Angel 2 · 0 2

this is an easy question. if you are reserves or NG you will get paid either way, but if you are active duty, you need to hook that marriage up. you will get BAH, BAS, and separation pay on top of all your extra pay . i say go for it. but if you're not active duty then go ahead and wait it out. see what she does while you are gone. stack that paper in the meantime. i've been there done that. matter of fact i'm here now but i'm on the civilian side which is way better this time around,

2007-04-07 06:49:49 · answer #10 · answered by sfslowcivicvx 2 · 0 0

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