When we first started dating, he was a virgin and I wasn't. I was up-front and honest with him that I had been with 4 other guys previous to him, and he was ok with it.
I don't know why, but 2 years into our marriage, he's now feeling like he's "missed out." He often wonders what it might be like to have sex with someone else, and he keeps making comparisons between himself and the other guys from my past. He says they were probably better in bed than he is, and it makes him feel inadequate.
is this normal? what can i do to reassure him??
2007-04-06 18:42:18 · 8 answers · asked by KC 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He asked how many other men I'd been with, and I told him.
2007-04-06 18:58:52 · update #1
Saving yourself for marriage is such a sweet sentiment...
But if he was fine with your previous sexual experience in the beginning, and you were totally upfront about it, then he has no reason to complain. If I were you, I would just reassure him that you love him and you wouldn't want to be with anyone else. If it hurts you that he is making such comparisons, tell him. Assure him that he satisfies your needs and that your past is irrelevant. Does it bother you that he wonders about how it would have been to have experienced sex with someone else? Tell him if it does. Talk about this together. You were honest with him in the beginning so don't feel bad. If it doesn't go away, seek couples therapy.
2007-04-06 19:40:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is why God says you should only have sex with the person you marry. When you have other sexual partners there is something to compare to and you're never really alone in the sack. You need to make it a point to really reassure your husband. Tell him how much you wish you would have waited for him because he is the best and the other guys paled in comparison and you don't even like thinking about your experiences with them. Go to counseling together to resolve this or he will cheat out of curiosity.
2007-04-07 01:52:17 · answer #2 · answered by Surfer_Lee 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Is he very young? It sounds like something a young and somewhat immature person would feel - no offense to your husband. A mature person learns to live with their choices, and won't let it eat away at them if it is something thay cannot change. But for someone who is still growing and is trying to find themselves, feeling this way is pretty normal, I think. On the one hand, it's too bad he did not do his "soul searching" before marriage; on the other - he's honest with you, and you should respect that. Try to help him deal with it, and don't take it too personally at the moment - hopefully, he will give it some thought and realize that his family is the most important thing.
My husband and just got married a few months ago; we are both in our 30s, I have had lots of sexual experience before, and he's had very little. We know about each other's "past", and neither of us has a problem with it. He has avoided the "dating scene" by choice - he's very un-social, and he's never been particularly driven by sex; he is very confortable with his choices, and this self-confidence was one of the things that had attracted me to him to begin with. He does not at all feel threatened by my past experience, and I just love that about him. A few of my former boyfriends were somewhat insecure, and very jealous of my past - which was what ultimately drove us apart. I hope you and your husband can get past this, and that his "soul searching" will strengthen, not weaken, your relationship. I'm not really sure what you can do to make him feel more "secure", besides simply being patient. It seems like something he himself has to come to terms with. You haven't done anything wrong, and it is not in your power to "fix" it - you just have to try and be understanding, not confrontational. Good luck.
2007-04-07 02:04:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
That's why you should never give detailed information about your past. All you should have told him was that you were no longer a virgin. Don't play his mind games with him about this. He needs to see a counselor or it could lead to divorce. Let him know how upsetting his behavior is to you.
2007-04-07 01:54:26 · answer #4 · answered by lcmcpa 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is insecure and immature. I don't know what you can do
Just tell him he's the best.
2007-04-07 01:49:05 · answer #5 · answered by Tom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Um, you should not have married this man. Why? It is important to be well-matched in this area. Best of luck to you.
2007-04-07 01:49:39 · answer #6 · answered by Jacques 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
you should tell him to it doesn't matter cuz you are with him now, you chose him
2007-04-07 01:46:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
yeah its normal.
2007-04-07 01:54:52 · answer #8 · answered by Brian D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋