Why do some on-line support groups support staying ill rather than the work it takes to accept & act better?

Question

This an over simplification: "Aw honey it is okay that you could not help being rude because that is the nature of being depressed. Your depression makes you rude its an illness that can't be help. If people cannot accept you being rude screw them" This really goes on in some support groups.

I am recovering from a few personality disorders which includes depression and anxiety,,, I have learnt new behavors and attitudes that bring little vacations from my depression and anxiety. It took years of self-growth, courage, and devoted earnest honest therapists and some readng... but it worked.

Answer 1

I agree. I think that a lot of problems could be solved if we were just more open and honest with each other. People are so concerned with hurting other people's feelings that they don't see the bigger picture. Yes, I understand that people get depressed, but that should not give them carte blanche to be rude and nasty to other people. We all have to work at holding our tongues and not being rude...why should someone who's depressed be treated any differently?

Answer 2

Actually, for someone who has suffered from a few personality disorders, you either have a low capacity for memory or a callous disregard for a situation that is hardly 'simple'.

It should be quite clear that not every therapy works for everyone in the same manner or fashion. What brings results for one type of person (with one type of disorder) would have little or no effect on someone else with an entirely different disorder, and thus different tools by which to cope with the situation.

Also, for someone who has been with therapists for years, it should be quite obvious that the 'simplified' advice given IS a valid mode of therapy. In some cases, a person with depression (especially in the initial stages of diagnosis and/or treatment) can be overwhelmed, and thus made even more disabled, by attempting to deal both with their depression and with any societal repercussions associated with it, including choosing to be 'rude'. In other words, the therapist (or a well-informed observer) can cut the patient some slack for being rude, or for being 'selfish,' in the hopes that reliving some of the emotional pressure will allow them more resources to better cope with their depression. Assigning 'priorities' to one's life, and rearraging them to suit one's circumstances, not the circumstances of others, is hardly providing incentive to another to stay ill.

In other words, when someone is running a fever of 99.6, has a stuffed-up nose, and a blinding headache, it's 'ok' for them to walk out of the house with a less-than-perfect/perhaps even societally rude appearance. Being 'selfish' when you are sick, physically or mentally, does not carry the same weight or meaning as when you are at full physical/mental capacity.

Answer 3

i know exactly what you are saying. i think the issue here is these people love the attention and they love the pity and they love an excuse for bad/poor behavior. some people as you probably know, would rather stay sick and get a disability check than to try and really enjoy life with an illness as best they can. i have a dibilitating illness myself. i could in fact get disability benefits but i dont. i live every day in physical pain but i dont load my body with precription medication that will ultimately destroy my organs. i feel, if im gonna hurt anyway, why not work and hurt. if and when it gets to the point i just cant work anymore, then im fortunate enough to have a very supportive spouse and i will not have to work. but thats just me. i still think there are millions and more that are much worse off than me and i still try to enjoy every day i have on earth with friends and family. to hear a bunch of people complaining and whining over conditions that could be helped exactly the way you did........well, they piss me off. really they do. i just feel they enjoy the pity/attention they get. you are right, most support groups focus on the whole disability thing instead of.........this is how we get on the road to recovery. or this is how we change our lifestyle to better our health with this condition. so, congradulations on your success. i love it when people take their lives into their own hands and do what they have to do to live the best life they can.

Answer 4

.....any present realization that may be excused by depression/anxiety or other mind/feeling/body creations are realizations which respond to a more or less critical thought/feeling sequence in the body and in relationship.

and depression/anxiety are not excuses rather they are manifestations of present/previous being as in relationship of a self with more or less respect to another.

likewise...the perceptions and interpretations of another as one or collective are not to disown the realizations/fears/loves of an individual.

"rude" is an interpretation/perception of an expression as may be impressed upon one or collective and "rude" may and do make less of the realization(s) of one or collective which are expressly made in fear/anxiety/depression but otherwise fail to realize expression in meaning and context in relationship.

too often they whom have been used and abused by they or other(s) whom disqualify the experiences and realizations of one or other(s) are put down as rude and other less than fully realized experiences in relationship.

this is the very technique of social snobs. to dismiss with the realizations and experiences of those whom are considered less to be considerate of.

within a secret adversarial security/power seeking social collective they whom enable advantages greater of the conditions to compete and over-come they whom are considered less worthy will often knowingly or unknowingly also consider they whom are over-come to be less human or less worthy of having their expressions/realizations validated.

written or unwritten license to bully ... use and abuse they whom are considered less worthy is yet uncivilized relationship.

but making expression/realization of these experiences for their self and other to be validated is not bullying nor is it necessarily invalid if anxious/depressed or otherwise.

when the bullies accept that relationship create health and illness in their self and other they too will be on the path to love and life.


love all ways


be well