My husband has a female friend.?

Question

My husband has a female friend who he says is his best friend EVER. He and she both assure me that they are just friends.

She does not come inside our house but they take our kids for walks, to the park, to stores, etc. while I am at work. (We work opposite schedules so we do not have to put our children in daycare.) We have two kids and she has one.

I told my husband that I was jealous of the time that they spend together because she sees him more than I do! He took it the wrong way and only heard the word "Jealous" and now this HUGE argument has started between the three of us.

They both say that they are exactaly alike and that they have never found anyone else in the world that is like them. This makes me angry!

He says that I am being ridiculous and it is not fair that he should have to sacrifice the best friend he has ever had.

We only meet this girl four months ago...

What do I do? How do I change my feelings and be okay with their "relationship"?

My son is 2 1/2 years old and my daughter is 13 months old.

We have been married since 2002 and we met in high school. He is 28 and I am 26.

She cannot come into our house because we live in a protected home. Visitors are not allowed.

Answer 1

Do NOT change your feelings. What they are doing is NOT okay. When I first read your question I thought that they had been lifelong friends... Not friends for 4 months!!! He seems to like her more than he likes you if he argues with you about her. I think that he should make a choice and stop spending private time (or time with your children) with her.

Answer 2

Okay....woman to woman, it's never just friends. It just doesn't work. Guys get itchy in the zipper department, everytime! The jealous comment is absolutely juvenile! Why should a wife even have to feel jealous of someone in HER HUSBAND's life. He should know that if you all of a sudden started dating in front of his face (that's what they are doing), he would be certainly pissed, because somehow, his manhood would be threatened. I would sit this brother down and tell him that either he has a wife and children, or an ex-wife and children. He has to choose! He can't have his cake and eat it too. Unless you guys are swinging and it's okay like that, otherwise, he needs to see it from your perspective and that it's about trust. If they are so right for each other then maybe, they need to be together and he can have visitation rights. Okay??????

Answer 3

I don't think that even as his spouse you have the right to tell him he can't have a friend but their relationship has gone beyond that. He is having an emotional affair at the very least. You did the right thing by expressing your dissatisfaction with the directions things have gone. If this was a guy he would not have become so defensive he'd have told his buddy, "dude, wife wants ya around a bit less. Sorry man but the ball has spoken".
Marriage counseling is always a good call. I don't think you need to change your feelings about their relationship.

Answer 4

I always say trust your gut. If something doesn't seem right, it's probably because it isn't.
I understand people have friends of the opposite sex. I do, too. We do not hang out all the time like that and when we do, our spouses are always included and if I ever thought that my friendship with anyone ws affecting their marriage, the friendship would be done.

Friends are there to enhance your lives, not destroy your marriage.

And why doesn't she go inside your house? That seems really weird to me if she honestly is just a friend. Friends go in each others houses and don't even think about it.

Without fighting or being accusatory, I would try to talk to your husband because my opinion is that you wont change your opinion about her.

Answer 5

Oh, can I identify with you. My husband has a very close woman friend too. They have been friends for about 20 years. They both are into auto racing, football, and baseball and read the same types of books. He says she is like his twin that was separated at birth. but sometimes I feel like the odd one out. We go out as a threesome every Friday night for dinner and have traveled on vacation together several times, but I often feel inferior because I don't keep up with sports like they do or read the same books.

It may be time to reconsider your work schedules so that you have more alone time with your husband it may be worth putting in childlren in day care and rekindle the relationship you had at one time and again become your husband's best friend. It's what I have done, not necessarily to the exclusion of his friend. Who knows she could become a great ally to you to.

Answer 6

Umm Your kidding right? Do you really want to be okay with this? What do you think would happen if the roles were reversed? Even if their relationship isn't sexual it is inappropriate. Sounds like he's in denial. Change your job, put the kids in daycare and work on your marriage. YOU should be his best friend. I'm not saying men cannot have female friends but there need to be BOUNDARIES. Sounds to me your excluded, why won't she come in the house? She can have only 1 best friend? Good Luck

Answer 7

I could MAYBE see this okay IF he has known her for years, but after you are already married, he brings her into the picture? It sounds VERY suspicious to me. Of course you have a right to be jealous, I think most women in your position would have given an ultimatum by now and you are trying to figure out how to be okay with it. It is not appropriate to have a relationship like that while in a marriage and I would leave him immediately if he doesn't stop seeing her and if you catch him lying about it, I would leave him. There are a lot of men out there that would not even put their wife in the position he has put you in!

Answer 8

Your husbands best friend is supposed to be you. Not another woman. The relationship that your husband has with the other woman should not even take place. You do not have to be okay with the relationship. This relationship does not sound normal to me and I would not put up with it if it were me. Your husband needs to have respect for you and put your feelings first instead of the other woman. How would your husband feel if you had a best friend and it was another man? Your husband needs to find a male best friend and end the relationship.

Answer 9

You only met her four months ago? I feel for you. Your husband is being unfair and selfish. It sounds like you need to draw a line in the sand, so to speak. Maybe go to a nice dinner, then bring it up and let him know exactly why this bothers you. If he refuses to understand, find a lawyer; this cannot end well.

Answer 10

okay, well dat is an interesting predicament. u could just try 2 calmly talk 2 ur husband (alone) and really explain why u feel da way u do. if dat doesn't work try 2 accept it and put trust into ur husband. just trust da man u promised 2 love and charish until death do u part. or u could call da show cheaters up and have dem spy on him. (if u eva found out u did dat he would probably get extremely angry) if all fails DIVORCE HIM!