Overbearing mother in law?

Question

My mother in law and I have had problems for years. We have just had our first child and she is driving me mad. We went there yesterday for lunch and when he cried she wouldnt let me have him back, even to feed (she told me to just express and she would do it!) she is insisting that when he is old enough to talk he call her mama, and keeps telling me that I am doing everything wrong (she says breast feeding is bad, picking him up when he cries is bad etc) I feel almost like she is trying to push me out of the picture and I dont like that, its going to sound stupid, but I definitely dont want the baby calling her mama. She is an alcoholic and I really dont want her near him, but thats not really an option. How do I get her to back off and let me be a mother?

Answer 1

tell her she had the chance to raise her kid now you're gonna raise yours and you can raise her however you think is best

Answer 2

Sounds EXACTLY like my ex-boyfriend's mother. She had his oldest son calling her mama from birth, even though he has a mom somewhat in the picture. By the time the oldest son was 6, she had him mixing her drinks for her. She would tell him he didn't feel good so she could call into work...because of a hangover. Tell her point blank, YOU are that baby's mother. YOU are raising him and YOU are breast feeding him. Remind her that she already had her chance to raise a child (her son), and let her know that this is YOUR chance. You don't mind bringing the baby to visit...never leave him there alone if she is an alcoholic....but you are his mother, not her. Tell her if she doesn't start acting like a GRANDmother, you won't bring him over anymore, though you will be more than happy to fill her in over the phone about how he is growing, crawling, walking, etc.

Answer 3

you just smile and tell her that breasts are made for baby as you take him from her arms. Don't let anything that she says bother you, the more she spouts the outdated stuff the less intelligent she appears.

Also, go buy yourself a nursing sling. ($30 at target for a very cute infantino sling) Next time you go to Grandma's house, carry baby in sling near feeding time. DO NOT let anyone tell you how, where and when to feed your child!!!

If you don't want him calling her mama, just say so. You are the mama, if she wants to have someone call her mama, well thats what her ovaries are for.

I would also talk to your husband about this. Point out how hurt he would be if your dad wanted to be called Daddy or something like that. He should stick up for his wife!!! After all, you just gave him the best gift ever... his son!!

Answer 4

She doesn't want you to breast feed because it's something only the mother can do. She doesn't like you being #1 in her son's life or grandson's life. Oh well....that's her problem. Put your foot down. Don't be disrespectful to her but let her know you will raise your son as you see fit and he will not call her mama. She is not his mama...you are. Try not to let it stress you out too much. My ex's mother tries the competition thing every now and then. She does little stuff like ask my daughter's if they would rather stay with her then go with me when I come and get them after their visit with her. Everytime my oldest girl says "No". I crack up on the inside. Children always know who their mother is and no one not even grandma can replace that.

Answer 5

Does your husband have anything to say about this? He should step up to his mother and tell her that she is smothering you and that she needs to let you raise your baby the best way you know how. It is your baby, not hers, she had her turn already.

As far as breastfeeding is bad, what the h*ll is her basis for that? It is the best thing you can do for your baby! I mean some people just can't or don't want to, but if you are able and willing to do it, you couldn't give the little guy anything better!

You need to stand up to her and tell her that you will raise your son as you see fit and that it is not her place to tell you how to do it. Also inform her that you are his mama and he will call YOU mama, not her.

If it comes down to it, just don't go to her house anymore, because you may always feel a little "powerless" there. If she comes to your home, you certainly have a right to stand up for yourself -- do it!!

Meanwhile, if your baby is hungry, take him and feed him. Don't express and let her do it. It just sounds like she is trying to push you around. The more you bow to her commands, the more she will do it.

Stick up for yourself!!!

Answer 6

Get some guts. She will ruin your marriage and your life and your family. Where is her son in all this? He need to have the balls to tell his drunk mother to stay out of your business and keep telling her until she has to be cut off.

You cannot ever change her, especially an alcoholic. But you deserve to raise your own child. That woman will bury you along with your self-esteem and your self-respect. I was where you are now, except she wasn't an alcoholic, and it went on and on. Finally my husband put an end to it 20 years later and now we don't even speak.

Life is not a movie and there is no happily ever after when you deal with problem people who try to suck the life right out of you. Take over Kiddo. And catch her sober to finish it. She will never change. Take over and raise your child. Don't let some dysfunctional drunk do it, even sometimes. You owe your child a good decent home-life without her interference. Be tough for your child's sake. And let your husband know he has to make a choice between his wife and his mother and he can't wait 20 years to do it either. You pray about it and then make your plans and act on them.

Answer 7

"Overbearing" was a polite way to put it! This woman is never going to get it. Still, you need to be firm with her, and tell her in no uncertain terms that she is the grandmother of your son, and as such welcome to be a healthy part of his life, but that *you* are the mother and will decide what is best for your son. No mother in her right mind would want her son calling someone else "mama", and no granmother with a good heart would request it. That is way over the line. You don't have to find a way to "let" you be a mother. You *are* the mother. Instead of thinking in terms of you offending her, think of it in terms of doing what is best for your baby. This will make it easier to tell her to back off.

Answer 8

lay down the law let her know where you stand and tell her you will be the only mother tell her to stop her drinking or you are not going to be bringing the baby and you are tired of her bossing you around with your child you will make the decisions about your baby and until she is a doctor of some type shut the f up i know what you are going through be honest with your self your husband because it will only get worse

Answer 9

I would cut back on the visits. You need mommy and baby time. Become homebodies for awhile and if they come over keep the baby limited. It's harsh, but she may learn that she can get more flies with honey and you hold all the cards. Grandparents are at the mercy of their children and their spouses.

Answer 10

That's a hard question to answer. Mother in laws are very hard to deal with. They never realize they are not only woman in their son's life once he is married. Did you try talking to your husband about this problem? If so have your husband tell his mom about her butting in. We are not professionals at raising kids...parents make silly mistakes along the process of raising kids. Talk to your husband first about this problem. This may sound like a small problem at first, but it is a major problem. Good luck dealing with your mother in law.

Answer 11

Tell her she is entitled to her opinions, but this is YOUR baby and you will raise him the way YOU want.

If she doesn't see the baby that often, just supervise the visit, but don't let her hold him if she's drunk.