My wife early in the marriage abused me psychologically by making me feel worthless (like anything I did was never good enough for her), acused me several times of having an affair even though I never had the time or reason to, and pushed me away sexually. She eventually brought another woman into our bedroom, even though I was mostly allowed to watch & not participate.
I asked in the past if my wife was the one having an affair and most of the answers came back as "yes she was" in an e-mail and few postings.
So my questions would be:
1) Would you get a divorce or have an affair and just stay married?
2) Would you allow your spouce to be in an "open marriage"?
3) Would you ever bring in a 3rd party or go to an adult club?
2007-04-06 08:41:14 · 15 answers · asked by ? 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel that an "affair" - i.e., doing anything behind your spouse's back - is never justifiable. If you and the spouse have an agreement that you can be seeing other people, it is not exactly an "affair", just a non-traditional marriage arrangement. I personally would get a divorce if I absolutely wasn't happy, and look for a new man. While I'm not in principle against open relationships, it feels to me that it brings too much uncertainty with it - and I'm not the type who wants to "live on the edge"; the whole point of being "in a relationship" for me is security.
2007-04-06 08:52:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no justification (or absolution, which is really what you seem to want) for having an affair.
You have mentioned that she brought other people into your home and bedroom, and that there is a one-sided open marriage (and therefore, none at all). You have allowed this pattern to continue, to the extent that either: a) you have not issued an ultimatum (stop doing these things or it's over), or b) you have not followed through and she doesn't take you seriously.
So:
Step 1: Make sure you have a big talk and that neither of you leaves until you both know where each other stands.
Step 2: If she is not willing to change or modify what she's doing, which is clearly hurting you, then it's already over, and a divorce is simply a legal recognition of that fact.
I don't know your specific facts (kids? etc.) but based off what you provided, these are your options.
2007-04-06 08:54:25 · answer #2 · answered by Hurricane77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your wife doesnt appreciate you. I mean she wants sex just not with you. Marriage is a commitment a union between 2 people. Theres no such thing as an open marriage, I think thats just an excuse to cheat but still get the perks of being married. You should really talk to a lawyer I think you have grounds for a divorce. Dont have an affair because if she finds out your going to get hurt in the divorce for your actions. Just do things right from the beginning and talk to your lawyer. Best of Luck!
2007-04-06 09:02:33 · answer #3 · answered by Naomi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is never justifiable reason for an affair. If the marriage is in such a state as you describe, why stay and suffer for the sake of remaining married? Get a divorce and move on with life.
To answer your questions:
1. I'd divorce
2. I would not allow an "open marriage".
3. NEVER
2007-04-06 08:56:24 · answer #4 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just get divorced and get it over with. Having an affair isn't going to solve anything and I definitely wouldn't stay in a marriage where trust is always an issue.
2007-04-06 09:02:06 · answer #5 · answered by Maricel S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you want to "get back" at your wife, then you should just consider divorce because that's not how marriage is supposed to work
If you are okay - REALLY okay - with the idea of open marriage, then discuss it with her
If you're asking these questions, I'd gather you aren't decided on anything on your own. Maybe you should be asking your wife these things or if you feel you can't ask, then stop being married.
2007-04-06 08:47:56 · answer #6 · answered by Cassandra G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would never have an affair. I'd get a divorce. She obviously doesn't love you.
I would never have an open marriage. Marriage is suppose to be between 2 people, if she doesn't want to commit to just one person, she doesn't want to be married.
No, I wouldn't bring a 3rd person.
2007-04-06 08:48:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Divorce him if you want, but an affair is not justifiable. Has he truely abandoned you? If yes, again, divorce him!! and how will your affair sustain your children? If will only make you look like a slut to them.. Why not go and live where he is?
2016-05-18 22:32:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
To answer your questions: 1. Yes 2. No. 3. No.
2007-04-06 09:01:39 · answer #9 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never.
If you are going to divorce, then wait a year after it is final, then date.
No open marriage crap.
Option three is garbage.
2007-04-06 09:20:39 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋