It's my 23rd Wedding Anniversary tomorrow, I think my husband has forgotten. I've been looking for an excuse to tell him I don't love him anymore and think this could be the perfect opportunity. How should I go about telling him?
2007-04-06 08:00:54 · 43 answers · asked by shady lady 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would just like to add that my husband cheated on me several years ago and during that time he forgot our anniversary twice. I think I've been incredibly forgiving over both the affair and the forgetfulness! I don't hate him but he has made no efffort whatsoever to make our marriage work, I have always put 100% into the marriage. I've been with him for 30 years altogether and not once has he cooked me a meal or done anything romantic.
I realised I have to do something last week when a man half my age made a pass at me and I was very tempted to take him up on his offer.
2007-04-06 08:43:44 · update #1
Maybe he's looking for a similiar excuse?
Really, unless you absolutely hate him, telling him on your wedding anniversary is bad timing. you are obviously at the stage of not communicating much with each other; he's forgotten your anniversary, you don't love him and can't tell him.
If you have decided you must tell him, it's going to hurt like hell, even if he was half expecting it. I did it 20 years ago.
I'd been married for 10 years, had four children by this man, and had to tell him I'd made a mistake. He lost it..told me I was insane; called me all the names under the sun, tried to take my kids away from me...
We are civil to each other these days; but it took a long time to get to that stage.
Just be honest with him. It is going to take a lot of courage on your behalf, and be prepared for the fallout.
2007-04-06 08:36:12 · answer #1 · answered by marie m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that since you have been married to him for so long you should be honest with him. You may not like what I am going to say and that is fine also. I think for something this important you should not need an excuse. If he does remember your anniversary you should talk to him about this anyway. I think if je does remember and he buys you something you should give it back to him and tell him you can not take it this time because you have diffrent feelings then you have had in the past and be honest with him on how you feel. I think you should have already spoke to him before your anniversary and have not waited like you did to drop something this important on him. Remember most men do not remember dates like us women do and maybe you should have marked it on a calendar some where for him to see before the day arrived. But if you really no longer love him then your anniversary should not have any meaning to it anyway. It sounds to me like a part of you does love him but maybe it is not the love you once felt and that is ok to. Maybe you need to talk about trying to rekindle what you once had instead of how to end it? It is not uncommen to grow apart when you have been with someone as long as you have been and I am talking from experience. Maybe you need to look inside you more and try to figure if you no longer love him or if you longer have once you once had for each other. Then decide if you still want to confront him about ending your marriage or trying to save your marriage instead.
2007-04-06 08:24:25 · answer #2 · answered by Ginny 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have compassion for the person you made the choice to spend the rest of your life with. What happen to that? Being married is a constant work-in-progress.
You say you're looking for an excuse to tell him you don't love him..What? Communication isn't something that the two of you practice so that explains the reason for why problems have grown out of hand.
Don't throw him away just yet! Every person has their own set of flaws, and you know his. What about the next person? A whole new set of BS to deal with. At some point you're going to point the finger at yourself.
2007-04-06 08:29:52 · answer #3 · answered by Mr Grant 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look after such a long time being married I don't think he would forget but honestly you need to talk to him and you shouldn't wait for him to do something wrong to do it. That is unfair. If you don't love him anymore it is time to either reconnect or get divorced.
You might find he feels the same way then you will both be set free and if he doesn't maybe he will do things differently to re spark the marriage. Either way I think it is a better situation then your in right now.
2007-04-06 08:07:57 · answer #4 · answered by Murray 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men do not think like we do, know this! Just tell him straight out and to the point, you are not happy be honest you need no other reason. Waste not another second being with someone you do not love. You are the only one who is responsible for you own happiness. What are you waiting for? Ending a relationship is the beginning of a new life the way you probably have be dreaming it could be. Get started!!!!
2007-04-06 08:45:33 · answer #5 · answered by dettie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And you're gonna tell him you don't love him why? Are you planning to leave him? Divorce him? If not - what is the point of telling him this? If his only "sin" is forgetting your anniversary once, let it go; if you have lots of other serious problems, the anniversary is not what you should be worried about most. I'm not really sure what you not loving him has to do with your anniversary. If you're fed up with him and don't want to be with him anymore, just tell him - honey, I'm not happy, and I want to leave. Making a point of tying it with the anniversary is vindictive and immature, IMO.
2007-04-06 08:17:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would him remembering make all the difference, is that one thing holding you marriage together? Talk to your husband about the way you are feeling without any pressure about anniversaries, it's a known fact men forget dates all the time but he deserves you to be honest, after 23 years.
2007-04-06 08:06:31 · answer #7 · answered by isleofskye 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Look the thing is you only think he has forgotten...you could be wrong. If he still loves you then you should tell him today that you don't love him anymore. Telling him on your anniversary or just after it could break his heart...you may not love him anymore but if you're sensible you will try not to break his heart as much as possible.
2007-04-06 16:39:37 · answer #8 · answered by Just a Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said in another post that you don't love your husband and that you're just there for the kids. Why then are you worried as to whether or not he remembers the wedding anniversary? That seems kind of lame don't you think?
2007-04-06 08:14:08 · answer #9 · answered by Deep Thought 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
23 years?? How long's the love been gone girl?? There is no perfect oportunity. You just gotta grit your teeth and do it. who knows it may not be as bad as you think it will. It might feel very liberating. and on the flip side, he might be feeling the same way, you two can get counseling and save those 23 years. who knows? but I do know this you are hurting him more by dragging it out then you will when you finially tell him. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. Good luck hun!
2007-04-06 08:09:30 · answer #10 · answered by babydoll 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋