We have been living together since November and he has probably washed the dishes 3 times. We have two sons who require most of my attention when I am at home, one is 2 yrs and one is 6 months, I work and go to school full time. When I am home I have to feed the kids shower them and myself, feed the little one a lot because I breastfeed, and clean and cook for us, and in between all that I still have to find time to do my homework to keep my grades up. How can I make him understand that it is not easy for me to do all of this alone, he cant even watch both of the kids while I shower! What can I do? When I am not home he just watches tv or is on the computer, meanwhile the house is a mess. Do you think this is right of him? His mom and sister are housewives so he wants me to do that as well but with his income we will not make it with me at home. Please give me some good advice....
2007-04-06 07:53:57 · 10 answers · asked by Momof2 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I never ***** or nag to him, and I haven't even brought it up to him. When we moved in we had the agreement to do everything 50/50 but that has not worked as agreed
2007-04-06 08:10:52 · update #1
Unfortunately hiring someone is way outta our league, It would be nice though
2007-04-06 08:18:18 · update #2
Some guys need a reward system. They want to feel like they got something out of the deal. For some of us, just getting things done and clean makes us satisfied, but as long as the guy doesn't feel like he's being punished, he'll pitch in. It's also good to do things *together*. For better or worse....
I also recommend doing a his-and hers(and babies) laundry baskets. Put his in an obvious spot and just let it fill up until he figures out he has no clothes left to wear.
Attach an envelope to his basket that says, "For Laundry Service, put $10 in here. For folded laundry, add $5 extra". This one has worked for me. Finally, when he was running dry on cash, I told him, "let's go do the laundry together". I set a specific time, we would go, he would help, then he got his guy-time playtime with no distractions as a reward.
Dishes are always a pain in the butt. Even guys who have dishwashers still let it pile up. I'm still working on this one! Believe me!
As for messes, my mom has always put the offending person's stuff all in their personal space - whether it's their room or their couch. Sometimes it's all thrown in a box with a note that says, "put away or I'll sell it or give it to Goodwill".
I don't have kids, but I see how full your plate is - I hope this will at least eliminate 1 or 2 chores. Kudos to you for not being the b**** and moan kind of wife. Nagging definitely makes it worse, I think!
2007-04-06 08:13:06 · answer #1 · answered by foxwings 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can't make anybody do anything, they have to want to do it, and if you manage to force him into helping you the he will start to resent you. This will cause tension in your marriage, however I know that you being angry at him is also causing tension. My best advice for this situation is to hire a house cleaning service for a few days a week, and take away his cable or whatever else needed to pay for it. Tell him that you have to give up something in the house so that you can pay for the house cleaning service, because you are unable to keep up all of the demands placed on you. Then politely tell him that if he helped out more them you would not have to hire help. Then politely and I do mean politely explain why you need help. Show him a chart of how many hours you are away from the house (including work, school and any actives you have to do), how many hours a day you spend with the children, cooking, doing homework and so on. Make sure that you are a sweet as apple pie, be very nice in telling him all of this information. If he gets mad then tell him that you will talk about it when he calms down and leave the room. Start cooking dinner or do some house work. Also tell him that he will need to start picking up after himself and that he will have to do his own laundry from now on, that considering your time constraints that you just don't have time to take care of those things. And be nice, smile. Then tell him that if you had more time that you would want to make love to if more often, but most of the time you are just plainly too tired, because you just have too many things to do during the day. Then politely tell him that his help would be greatly appreciated, any help at all would help so much and that his help would make you very happy because then you could fire the house cleaning service. You can always fine cheap housing cleaning services just look through your local yellow pages or ask a friend for a recommendation.
I hired my neighbor once because she was out of work and needed the money. I did pay her a fair wage and helped you her in cleaning, so it was more like a girlfriend get together, and it was not uncomfortable. So if you know someone that could help you out you could also pay them for their help. Well good luck.
2007-04-06 08:45:40 · answer #2 · answered by Lilstar of FFXI 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I work and go to school (and don't have kids) so I understand how hard it is. We do have an agreement that while I'm in school, he helps around the house. It doesn't always happen like I want it to or when it should. But I've noticed the more I praise him for doing things, the more he does it without me asking. Like the dishes, if he does them, I just tell him how much I appeciate it and how much it helps me....how nice it is to see a clean kitchen. I don't ever nag him, I ask nicely once then let him do it on his own time (though I wish he'd do it when I ask) he eventually always does it. Men like to be providers and heros, so make him feel like one, even with the little stuff.
2007-04-06 08:01:50 · answer #3 · answered by PhantomRN 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, my husband helps around the house. He does all the cooking, I do the dishes. He cleans the shower, I do the rest of the bathroom. We each vacuum once a week, he does some laundry and I do the ironing. We have the chores pretty well split up among us. And that goes for the outdoors too. He mows the lawn, I do the weed whipping. He sweeps the walks, I weed the flower bed. He waters the garden, we both weed that. We just work really well together.
2016-05-18 22:20:41 · answer #4 · answered by merle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not give him sex until he starts doing his share around the house and tell him this that should change things fo the better.
Good Luck some men just have the mentality that the wife is to do all the house work.
2007-04-06 08:58:54 · answer #5 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Read the book "The proper care & feeding of husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. It will teach you how to get what you want out of your man, not by nagging but by giving.
2007-04-06 08:00:11 · answer #6 · answered by Nunya 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you havent already you need to ask for his help.
If he still doesnt help just stop doing it.
Take care of yourself and the kids.
He will notice the dishes piling up after awhile.
And no supper left over for him.
2007-04-06 08:01:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you married him knowing he was like this, then that's your fault. If you didn't, then he is not holding up his end of the bargain. Nagging and b*tching at him won't make it better either.
2007-04-06 07:58:07 · answer #8 · answered by SillierKimmie! 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Feed you and the kids only and just wash the clothes for you and them. Tell him he's a grown man, he can fend for himself.
2007-04-06 07:58:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
what if you hire someone to help you out...some men are just not cut out for helping around the house...I know cuz I'm married to one of them
2007-04-06 08:15:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋