What percentage of your marriage does sex make up?

Question

I mean how important is it to you? Can it effect your marriage? Should it be overlooked? I ask because sex before my marraige was wonderful and after it is not too good anymore. It is too quick and feels like hubbie hardly puts any effort into it, therefore I rarely want to anymore. I almost feel like why should I bother if I am never satisfied. I have talked to him about but i wonder if i should still continue to tell him or just get over it and keep my mouth shut. Is it really big deal? Am I exagerating?

Answer 1

I think it is only as important as you feel it is. Like any other issue, it tends to become important mostly when the two people have vastly different ideas on the subject. And if two people are compatible, it becomes a "part of the landscape". Sex is not that important for either myself or my husband; there are a lot of other things we feel are more important in our relationship. Being that both of us feel this way, it is not an issue. But I think it would become one if one of us suddenly started pushing for sex three times a day - it would then come onto the foreground as a problem to be solved.

To sum it up - I don't think that the actual quality or quantity is as important as the compatibility of the partners' attitudes.

Answer 2

Sex is a simple bonding activity, but it does feel really good and I do 'need' it as part of a 'romantic' relationship. It can effect marriage and should not be overlooked, but it is not the most important. As for your husband, you do need to continue to talk to him. Don't keep your mouth shut when your needs are not being met. You need to make it clear that you require better sex and you need to communicate with him about why things have changed. It is a big deal, but at the same time it isn't. It depends.

Answer 3

50% of the relationship is based on sex. It is very important to me, that is one way I can connect to my husband that no one else can( well that I know of anyway). It will be real damageing to your relationship if you overlook it. It is a huge deal if you are not getting satisfied, question is how much effort are you putting in, maybe if he feels you are not into it anymore. He isn't going to put forth any more then he has to to get what he wants out of it? Try teasing him about how he isn't getting any until you get it when, how and how often you want it!

Answer 4

If you see this as an issue within your marriage, then by no means would I say you are exaggerating! Keep talking about it. If you communicate, then things can change. If not then how will he know to change? Let him know that it isn't the same, and offer some suggestions to help him get excited about it. Go to a toy party and bring some fun things home. You won't always use them, but it could be fun from time to time. I bought whipped cream at the last party to make a whipped cream bikini....not to say it will be used frequently, but it will be a fun surprise for him from time to time.

Answer 5

To me its about 40-50%....if you can't be intimate and bond, then there isn't much hope for a true relationship. However, be careful....for men sex is more physical than emotional and for women its the opposite. He may not understand that with you. What I'm saying is if you feel like he's not putting any effort into it (heart and soul) then you won't be fulfilled emotionally or physically. Try to connect with him outside the bedroom and see if it spills into the bedroom. Good Luck

Answer 6

It is part of our marriage, and very important, but it is certainly a challenge when it isn't going well. It's the one area we think should go smoothly and its a symbol of our self-esteem, but in reality it is a reflection of other things going on in the relationship. Most of our fights are about consideration, him understanding my needs better, listening, not getting so focused, as men are prone to do. This stuff is the same in sex as in other areas of our marriage.
No you should not give up - God says you should give to one another in order to keep the temptation at bay. You need it too, and you need to be satisfied, or you will be tempted as well. What you need to do is talk about it, not in bed, and also the other things in your marriage, because I bet he isn't considerate of your needs in other areas as well. Let him know that you want to try some new things, and tell him what you like. Be careful of criticizing because men don't like to hear that they are wrong or bad, but quick sex meets their needs and not ours. That's the way we are made, and it is good, but he has some learning to do.

Answer 7

I would say around 5-10% the rest is communication 60-70%,respect 5%, caring, loving, kind,faithfulness110%, devotion, and so on. It appears you are exagerrating a tad but really maybe you need to try different things maybe start with some oral pleasure then move to the intercourse really if your ma loves you he should be trying to pleasure you everytime.

Answer 8

I think actual sex itself probably makes up about 10-20% of marraige importance.

What's important is intimacy and feeling of shared pleasure. That makes up a lot more of marriage. Sex is a special thing that a married couple can do together that exists in its own unique realm of being. You can't have the exact same sexual experience with another person - every sexual time is different with each person because of background, attention to the other person etc

Sex in a marriage should be a very special thing because this is the person who you share your thoughts, feeling and inner self with, thus sex should reflect that. If it doesn't, you feel cheated, used or neglected. THrough sex, two people can really speak to one another on another level about their feelings and their trust.

If your husband is neglecting your needs and going through the motions of sex, you are becoming distant to each other. He seems to be looking at sex as a function, not a shared act of expression. Naturally, that leaves you feeling empty. It's not about the mechanics of it either per se, what works for one person may not for another, but everyone in a commited relationship wants to feel bonded with the other person and feel special to them. This is usually how sex works for them, regardless of how the sexual act is done.

You need to go to counselling with your husband. He may have issues regarding enjoyment of sex. Sounds like he may have hang-ups about the intimacy and trust part. Trying to just talk to him yourself probably comes off sounding like "you're no good in bed" to him and that's hard to break out of when you want to express your sadness about the loss of intimacy. A therapist can guide you both through your expectations and learning to meet them. I'm sure your husband doesn't want to be letting you down and make you feel uncared for, but he may be having trouble seperating "sex is bodily function that a man does to satisfy his needs" from "sex is a shared experience for both people" In fact, he may be intimidated by the fact that you actually expect something out of it that he doesn't understand or know how to enact. That's his problem but it will stay on you until you both address it.

Really, a therapist specializing in sexual problems can really help in this situation. They understand a lot of people's hangups and how to address them without making anyone feel inadequate. You are not exaggerating at all. It isn't that sex (the mechanics) is so important, it''s the expression of intimacy and shared pleasure that is important.

It isn't too different than if your husband never wanted to go to the same kind of restaurant that you did: it isn't the food or the restaurant, its knowing that your happiness is important to him that matters.

Answer 9

SEX SHOULD BE A BIG PART OF A MARRIAGE AS IT IS A BOND FOR THE TWO OF YOU. NOW IF YOU AREN'T INTO IT ANYMORE THEN MAYBE THE LOVE ISN'T THERE ANYMORE. I AM IN THE SAME SITUATION AND I HONESTLY HAVE TO FEEL LOVE SEXUAL FOR THE PERSON TO HAVE SEX NOT JUST BECAUSE I WANT IT.

Answer 10

10%