how do you get over the fear of people rejecting you?

Question

if all past relashionships have failed because you have low self esteem, and because you have clingy, intamacy and neediness issues and get dependant and posessive
plus if you dont feel worthy of people, especially girls,
how do you overcome this?

Answer 1

Well, other than a little therapy ( don't over do it or go into that Freudian stuff), I'd say you should learn about women more. Read "Body Language" by Susan Quilliam. Try to keep in touch with your emotions so that you can "feel" the way that girl is feeling who is all alone some Saturday at the mall - you know, the one who is probably in the same boat as you, sitting on a bench by herself. Such sensitive ladies make good girlfriends. Just go up and say something like: "Hi. my name is (YOURNAME) and although I am a little shy and it took a lot of effort to come over to to talk to you, I'd really like to ask you how your day is going because it looks like you're a little sad ...", etc. You have to work on it just like you would when you learn any new activity, such as shooting pool. Do NOT make this encounter out to be a date - it is only an experience in becoming less afraid - if you guys go out, so much the better. Besides, once you do get yourself over this fear of rejection, you will realize (as I did) that up until that point you have kept yourself from being happy; and generally speaking women have as many if not more issues with men than men do with women - so look at it from their perspective - they'd like to be with someone nice, too. Let it happen.

Answer 2

You get over it by feeling the fear but doing it anyway. Getting back up after you get pushed down is the only way. Just like when babies learn to walk. They are scared to fall, but keep trying, and pretty soon they have overcome their fear enough where they run instead of walk.
The intimacy issues are similar, you can't get over them if you don't learn the social skills, and you can only learn social skills from being around and interacting with other people. So, when one feels it's time to hustle, one must be social. You don't have to overwhelm yourself, a little at a time. As your comfort level grows, the less apprehensive you'll feel and the issues will have been resolved.
Being dependant and posessive are clear signs of low-self-esteem. One can work on building those through self-affirmations, cos no one criticises you more than you do, and again, working on building your social skills. I don't recommend rushing into another relationship right after a loss of some kind. The heart and mind need time to heal and get back in sync. Friendships are very helpful with that. Just be friends with whomever, and don't allow yourself to be in the mindset that you're constantly husband (or wife) shopping. When that time comes, it will be a long time from now. If the case is very serious, then I would recommend counseling, medication is not necessary. It sounds like you're referring to a younger person, and it is important to establish a strong sense of self and be independent before considering a serious relationship. Also, if this person is so dependant and posessive, the sooner s/he learns that this is unfavorable, the better, otherwise, everyone will tell this person to get lost cos no one wants to be smothered. I hope this helps.

Answer 3

Rejection is just the pits ay? Whether it's rejection in relationships or not getting that job... no matter how much self worth and self esteem you have, it's often still like a hit below the belt.
Though there are a couple of things I would suggest to you, to help you get over this speedier than you normally would.
Stand back and take a good look at your inner man.
Do you feel worthy of being accepted?
I would say your answer to that is probably not.
After alot of rejections, a person loses any feelings of self worth that they may have.
To use an anology;
Fred has just aquired a new dog. The dog is healthy happy and fine.Apart from when fred feeds his dog he kicks it,
time after time, soon that dog loses any dignity it may have had even though it was looking to be loved, it has learned that his new owner hates him and he does't know why.
Desperate, he runs away and a lovely person from the roadside takes him in and loves him. But it is going to tske a little time before he'll accept love and acceptance. Eventually he does and all is well.
So what I'm basically saying is stop presenting yourself to these situation, where you set yourself up to be hurt.
Please take a little time out to spend with your friends and feeling that your love and courage are coming back.
And when there is a girl who seems a little shy too encourage her and get to know her. This will help you and her -- and your confidence with the girls will come back...
If you pray, I wold encourage you to pray about it. He Loves you unconditionaly! And He is in the business of Helping and Healing His children.
God Bless

Answer 4

draw a horizontal line 8 cm long. One cm represents ten years of your life. Write "birth" on the left. Write "The end" on the right. Draw a cross on it to represent where you are, for instance 2.5 cm for 25 years, or 2 cm for 20 years.

Scarey or what?

Now get out there and have a good time, and when you are not having a good time think about that line and where you are on it.

Answer 5

if you know what the problem is why have you done nothing to solve it. it sounds like you just keep repeating the same pattern sp you have to learn to do the opposite of everything you have just said. (Or do you actually like being this way because at first it gets you symapthy and attention - but after a while people find it too drasining being around you?)
in which case therapy is of no use because you know what the problem is.
i suggest you take an assertiveness course instead. it might help.

Answer 6

I'm a really shy guy and it takes me ages to ask a girl out or for her number. You should look at it not as a challenge or something that is going to fail, but look at it as an everyday occurance. Just ask the question straight out being completely honest with her and if she says no just laugh it off and think to yourself, 'at least i asked' otherwise your never going to know and it's better than never knowing because who knows you could find the person of your dreams!

Answer 7

Hi,
I don't really know the answer because I have this problem and it doesn't seem like it's going to go away anytime soon. After being hurt so many times by nearly all the people you trust, its very hard to accept that the next one won't be like all the others. however I hope you find the answer to help!
x

Answer 8

accepting the truth about yourself is half of the answer...

now go out there, and in any relationship situation you get into, be constantly aware of yourself...feel the pain of denying yourself all those annoying habits...

once you do it long enough over a few relationships you might just start to do the better thing without thinking about...

take a player mentallity...dont care...no matter what happens, your cool as ice, and unaffected...

Answer 9

Get counselling (preferably group therapy), then join the gym & some evening classes of things you may enjoy. You should meet like minded people who you can bond with.

Answer 10

I would have to say that you really need to work on accepting yourself unconditionally. Remember we all have faults and strengths and I am sure you do to. Learn to accept yourself unconditionally and then it won't matter if you are rejected since you accept yourself. People can be cruel sometimes but just remember not everyone is. Good Luck