For married women who deal with ex wives?

Question

Ok, my husbands ex is a controling B**ch! My husband has only stood up to her once since we have been together. The other day their 10 year old son was vomiting. 2 weeks ago she asked me what we do over here, becasue every time he comes home he is sick. Well, I told her that she should take him to the doctor because I think he has an ulcer. Needless to say she took him and then she called my husband, talked for 45 minutes and told him that his problem is me and my 13 year old daughter. That he does not like coming to our house and that she is taking him to consueling because of "the issues he has with me" Well, I think that my husband should stand up for me. He said that she did not talk bad about me. How can she blame me for his problems and that not be talking bad about me? He simply just listen to her, and for all I know he could have agreed with her. HE says he did not, but when he doesn't disagree, isn't that the same as agreeing? He would rather fight with me than disagree with

then disagree with her. Now, we got into a HUGE fight about this, and still did not get anything resolved. By the way..... his ex is a pathalogical liar, so I doubt she even took him to the doctor, she has faked his illnesses before. But my problem is why won't my husband tell her that I am his wife, and that he is not listening to the BS about all his problems being me. I will say that this child is a challenge. The main reason is because his mother makes sure that he does not have a relationship with me. She talks bad about me to him, and he believes it. I am at my witt end. I am due to have a baby in 2 weeks, and cannot leave. I love my husband more thatn anything. Yes, we have had some serious issues in our marriage, but we are a lot stronger now. The only problem is why he fears her? I am starting to wonder if he is still in love with her, and cannot except that he needs to be on my side now. HE always says that I am just out to F**k her over.

I say he is ther to kiss her a$$. HE does too. When ever she wants to change plans, he will go along with it.... saying that we did not have any plans. She screwed us out of memorial weekend, labor day weekend and christmas day last year. He let her. Now he says tha the no longer gives into her, but not disagreeing wiht her is the same as giving in. I don't know. Please help!

They have been divorced since he was a baby. By the way this woman is evil. She commited idenity theft against my husbands mother. Both parents went to prison. Their grandparents raised them untill I got involved and my husband and I went for custody. She won by doing some illegal stuff. She has custody. And yes I agree that I could become one of his ex wives because of this, but if he is not the man I thought I married and will stand up for his family. Then perhaps that will happen. All I want him to do is simply tell her to stop blaming me for everyting. Everytime the kids get sick it is my fault. (They get sick 1 week after the go back home) She is just an evil person who cannot except any responsibality or blame.

Answer 1

I agree with you and your husband should stand by you and support you because he married to you not his ex wife anymore....

I will do anything to stand up for my wife and I have alot for her becasue she is my wife... and so he choose to believe his ex not you... and I don't think he learn anything about you becasue If I know more about you and then he would blieve you more and stand up... but he didn't and 2 weeks your baby due so i smy next week due..

but to the point is that I am sure that he need to hear from you saying that I am your wife and believe me why in the world would I ever lie to you?? did I ever lie to you?? if he said no then see why ar eyou believing her... what the point??? because you afride not going see your son if you don't agree with your ex??? that is wrong we can go to court and get cousdiy to get him back..

All I want you to do honey is that to tell your ex to stop blaming me for every little thing.. did she take her son to dr?? if not then she needs to.. I am in the middle between you and ur ex wife becasue you not supportig me and you stand by her and i am going to have baby soon and you not ogin to mess this up.. so i fyou want to agree with her waht ever it is don't come to me and cry about it...

You gonna have to deal with it and I have my own plm to deal and I hopeyou will wake up and smell that damn coffee.

Answer 2

When you marry a man with kids, you are always going to have to deal with the ex wife. It doesn't really sound as if she talked negatively about you. And people do get ulcers from stress. Perhaps the divorce and his dad's remarriage has been more stressful on him than you know. It seems your husband is taking the high road by not fighting with his ex. You should commend him for that. Family counseling for all of you would be beneficial and might clear the air between you and the ex. Try to be pleasant to her and act with the goal of always doing what's best for both of your children. Your husband should not have to choose between you and his son--that may mean him staying on good terms with his ex for the sake of his son.
Also, if the boy is at your house and he is sick, you are just as responsible for him as his mother and you and his dad should have taken him to the doctor if you felt he needed to go.

Answer 3

First of all I was in a similar situationa while back and I always felt that the 10 yr old needs to be told that he needs to understand that his mom and dad are not getting back together no matter how much he hates you and try (not saying that you dont) doing something extra special with just him. I went as far as going to the school getting him out and taking him to Mcdonalds and then shopping for new games for his Nintendo( game console that was popular back then)If that I dont work I dont know what to tell ya sorry but good luck anyhow

Answer 4

When it comes to planning it is the hardest thing to try and meld two families, the only way to do it is to stick to your plan. Make plans with your husband if he decides to screw them up go without him. Having a new baby in the mix is only going to bring on more tension. Concentrate your efforts on being the best mom/step mom you can and let him make his bad decisions. There really isn't an easy way to deal with the exwife other than trying to become a friend with her. You have to realize you took her place, that's a tough thing to swallow. I agree with soime of the posts that you should probably have your husband take him to the Dr. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

Honestly, from your post. You sound totally psycho. Maybe her child is sick because you're living in a stressful situation? Remember that he is parenting a child with her. If I was her, I'd limit visits until your household calms down. What are you doing bringing another baby into this situation?

Maybe you're hormonal, who knows. Imagine what your baby is feeling inside you right now.

Calm down!!!

You knew what you were getting into when you got married. Stop taking out what you feel for her on a 13 year old child! Grow UP!

Answer 6

No he would rather not fight with either one of you. You on the other hand want him to do something that will only make his life harder just to make you feel good. It won't make things better, but you don't really care about that. If you keep bashing your husband about things he has no control over, you will soon find yourself as one more of his ex's...and it will be your fault.

Why do women not understand that the guys ex will be part of their life when they choose to marry him? If you didn't like her, then you shouldn't have married him. It's not a hard concept to understand.

Answer 7

okay well here it goes, i dont know how to deal with a ex wife, but i am a ex wife with kids from the ex hubby, and sometimes, when we say stuff we dont exactly mean it the way it sounds, plus, its hard to deal with a nother woman in the home and family we once had, we have to deal with the other woman being around our children, i dont know anything bout your case, cuz i dont know u, and you might be damn good to them kids, but i know my exhubbies new one , i could just kick her ***, cuz she is lazy, and dont take care of my children when they are there, and she wont cook clean nothing, but maybe its a big misinterpretting, i do know kids can cause alot of this, cuz they will go back and tell the otehr parents stuff that isnt true that iwll cause a fuse! good luck

Plus:its not good to fight with the ex hubby or ex wife, cuz its not stable you should always try to fix it with out fighting, and talk it out, cuz i try to express this to my new hubby who cant stand for us to get along!

Answer 8

well regardless of what the exwife is saying... there are the custody laws saying that he can go over there every other weekend and she is not supposed to keep him from that. my parents are divorced and my mom tried to keep me from my dad and if he was one minute late to come get me and my brother she would leave so he couldn't... it really hurt my childhood relationship with my dad... so you two should let her know that's it's illegal and also immoral to keep a child from their parent out of spite.

Answer 9

Well, you knew he had been married before when you were dating, and you chose to date him. Then you chose to marry him. Hmm - so you knew what you were getting into.
His responsibility will always be to his first family, and he is a good guy for that. If you have troubles with her, you just don't deal with her. Be polite. Let him deal with her.

Answer 10

Why don't u take your husband far away fom her to a different city.... u will never have to deal with her, because else u will do this throughout life,and it will never be over.
Never give him her meassages, ensure that they are not in contact