Ok......I'm not looking for judgement or "you're going to hell" or any of that....I just need help. I made a huge mistake. There's this guy that I've been friends with for 3 months. He has a huge crush on me and has been trying to get with me since we met. I'm not a sexual person, so I just accepted his friendship and ignored the rest. It doesn't bother me. It doesn't change who he is. Well, one night we were hanging out (me, him and a mutual friend). He was getting stoned with our friend. I wasn't. But it felt right, so I hit on him and long story short, we had sex. He has never been happier, but I've never felt worse. I feel so guilty. I thought it was right, but now I know I made a huge mistake. not only was I not prepared for sex, physically or emotionally, but now this guy thinks I have feelings for him. I don't. If I tell him, I'll hurt him and risk losing his friendship. If I don't, he'll continue to think I'm into him. How do I make things right? i feel so low.
2007-04-06 05:14:04 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I'm not saying I regret it b/c he's male and so am I. That doesn't matter to me. I'm not claiming to be straight. I just feel bad that I lead him on when I shouldn't have.
2007-04-06 05:45:57 · update #1
The only way to make things right is to have an honest discussion with him about it. Make it clear to him that you don't feel good about what happened but that you aren't blaming him for it. The best thing you could ask for is to come out of the situation being good friends and understanding what happened.
2007-04-06 05:17:45 · answer #1 · answered by Jeffrey 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Well, you screwed up by having sex with him in the first place. There is no way to handle this correctly without feelings getting hurt somewhere. I had a similar situation myself but I cut it off and solved the problem before the sex was ever a question. You should have done the same, but now that you have a problem you would be better taking care of it now rather than later. You have to tell him the truth in the most serious, mature way and if he's an adult and mature himself he should be able to take it. It's tough to do but I'm letting you know you'll be happier in the end and will be the right decision. Good luck with that!
2007-04-06 05:22:14 · answer #2 · answered by sg300c 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Zack, just tell him that it was a mistake. Don't be afraid that by doing this you will lose his friendship. You won't. As for your conscience, what happened happened. There is no turning back the time. If you feel that you really made a mistake, then just avoid getting into a situation where things could happen again. Finally, I assure you that this incident will not earn you a place in hell. You've made a mistake (in your own view,) and mistakes happen to everyone. The important thing is that you learn.
I am gay, but I know that my fellow gays will respect another person if that person says he made a mistake. We're not all after sex, you know.
2007-04-06 05:24:33 · answer #3 · answered by Dowland 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, kuddos go to you for not getting high. Drugs = death. I know from very close experience.
Second, like the other answers I agree that you have to tell him the truth, but I don't think you have to call him up immediately and blurt out that you made a "mistake." It doesn't sound like a mistake to me. It sounds like you were having fun.
Finally, what do you mean "I'm not a sexual person"? Unless you've had no hormones since birth, you are a sexual person. It appears to me that the root of the problem might possibly - just maybe - lie in you. I may be wrong. I may be out of line.
However, that statement drips with repressed sexuality and self-denial.
If you live in an area where such things are available, speak to a counselor. Check out your local library. Google "sexual repression." Look for books at a book store in the health section.
Good luck.
2007-04-06 06:32:57 · answer #4 · answered by inactive account 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, first of all..let's get things into perspective here. It was only one time...he was stoned and easily accessible...you are human. Period. that's all that happened. One night in bed doesn't necessarily mean that you are going to marry someone. You must, however, tell him the truth...exactly what you said here. If he really is a good friend of yours he'll understand. Friendships are not bonded by the good times...the really strong bonds come from getting through the tough times together. I'm sure he'll still be your friend. But I don't think any of this will work if you are not honest with him.
2007-04-06 05:54:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The hardest thing to do, sometimes, is to be truthful. You may hurt your friendship with this fellow by telling him the truth.....but, isn't that better than having him think you two are going together? Make things right. Tell him, just as you wrote this........exactly what happened. Tell him how you feel and tell him you still want his friendship. Tell him, "I am not ready,emotionally or physically, to have anything except good friends." "I value your friendship very much.".
2007-04-06 05:40:58 · answer #6 · answered by laurel g 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is the best policy. Tell him what you've told us...that at that moment it "felt right" but in hindsight you weren't prepared physically or emotionally. Tell him how you feel...that you don't want to lose his friendship but you're not "into" him. It may cause a little rift in the friendship but in time it will heal. And if it doesn't heal, then perhaps it wasn't such a great friendship after all.
2007-04-06 05:19:51 · answer #7 · answered by behrmark 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's a real easy one. Tell him very directly that it was a mistake and that you value his friendship but never meant to do that and will never do anything like that with him again. If he is a true friend, he will be hurt at first but will understand and work to make your friendship right. If not, then you will eliminate someone from your life who was never a true friend to begin with.
2007-04-06 05:39:51 · answer #8 · answered by Justme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know the answer.... Just invite him out for coffee and be honest and tell him that you feel bad and that you made a horrible mistake. Tell him that you are not yet prepared for what occurred, but that you still value his friendship.
That's it ! Plain and simple. Remember, you cannot be two people and you have to do what is right for you first.
2007-04-06 05:51:53 · answer #9 · answered by johnnyman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel I never had sex with the same sex but I have had sex with someone that don't really want to,I felt sorry about that but I don't tell him about it I remind friend with him that about it. Now I am in love with a person for 15 years. Just be yourself that about all you can do and be friend if he like to.
2007-04-06 05:19:51 · answer #10 · answered by Linda 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋