My wife of 8 years wants a seperation. Nothing led up to this. In fact, our relationship so I thought was better than ever. When asked she simply says "I just need some space". She's hot and cold. Sometimes she hugs and kisses me, others, she shys away. She works alot. And I know she is really at work and not somewhere else, so what gives? we still live together and I still love her very much. She loves me but is questioning whether she is in love with me. Were both in our twenties. She no longer calls really when she is away, she doesn't say I love you or I miss you hardly ever. I would love for this to work, but, i'm at a loss as to what to think or do. She rarely cuddles up when we go to bed. Half the time she even rolls over. Please what should I do? I truly love her.
2007-04-06 05:07:09 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Telling you she needs space, showing you she needs space by not calling, rolling away from you, etc. seems to show some uncertainty. Why not let her know that you've noticed that she seems to be needing a lot of space, and ask her what or whom she needs this space from. Let her know you love her, but that you are confused as to her actions, and just need her to clarify what is going on. Listen closely to what she is saying before reacting, so she feels safe revealing anything that will tell you what the problem is. It could be a situation at work for all you know. Best of luck.
2007-04-06 05:17:08 · answer #1 · answered by sandy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've felt the same way with my husband, the problem is that you both get caught up in the rat race, chasing the almighty dollar. For a woman who works a full time job, comes home cooks dinner, cleans up the kitchen, does the laundry, makes the bed..........and on and on........you start to fill like a slave in a Thank Less relationship, it will really wear you down, and can totally destroy a marriage. You get to thinking, What do I need him for?, you long for a change.............I would suggest, that if you want to save your marriage.........take some time out for her, maybe a drive to the beach, or the lake. What does she like to do? I'm sure that the everyday drudgery of life is playing a toll on her. You sound like a great guy, show her how much that you love her, help her out around the house, keep life interesting, and keep her laughing, she will come back around. I really don't feel like she is having an affair, I feel like she is at wits end and depressed, more like, "Is that all there is to life?" Take her on a sailing trip, put some gusto into your life. If you don't have any kids, buy an RV and start living, because when they stick your butt in that box, it will be your butt only, all the material possessions in the world won't give you any gradification. Life should be more about Quality, not quanity . Good Luck One other thing that I hate to mention, she may want to see a doctor for depression, because when it all becomes to be to much that it affects your marriage, they can prescribe her some anxiety medication or some medication for depression
2007-04-06 12:47:04 · answer #2 · answered by Cheryl 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes one person just decides they don't want to be married any more and it has nothing to do with the other person. They just want to have the freedom to do anything they want when they want.
I would suggest that you find someone you trust to talk to about things as you will need to unload your feelings and not keep them inside of you. As for your wife, well, the reality is - we can't make anyone do anything. At this time she is saying she wants to have her own place and do what she wants and there really isn't anything you can do or say that will change her mind. The best thing to do is accept it and continue to live your life the best way you know how. Take each day as it comes and let things work themselves out one way or another.
You'll be okay, no matter what.
2007-04-06 12:19:54 · answer #3 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My belief is that two people will either grow together in their love and marriage, or they drift apart and strike up their own independent lives that basically excludes the other (for whatever reason). It sounds like she is doing the latter. Wait for an optimal time (not when there is an argument going on!), and ask her point blank what she wants out of this marriage and relationship. Ask her to be honest about her feelings for you. Then tell her how you feel, basically everything you said above. See if there is any hope for a compromise in the relationship that would benefit both of you.
2007-04-06 12:48:27 · answer #4 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
People can absolutely fall "out of love" over time.
It took you time to fall in love with each other and as your life changes, you can fall out of love.
Your key to saving this is to find out if you still have things in common that would let you enjoy life together. This doesn't mean that you won't always love her or she doesn't still love you, but it may be a different kind of love. The kind you have for a best friend or a parent...do anything for them out of love, but probably couldn't live with them.
Don't separate, but have separate lives for a while. Separate bedrooms, checking accounts, etc. Begin "dating" again and rediscover if you love the new her in a passionate way. On your dates, find out what she her new likes and desires are - can you fulfill them or is that not the person you are or you're willing to become?
If you this isn't saveable...agree going in to part as friends. To discuss the separation/divorce openly, honestly. Decide on how it would work if you did get divorced NOW while you can still talk to each other.
This is exactly how my wife of 14 years and I divorced 2 years ago. We simply didn't have the same things in common as we matured, but we maintained our friendship still.
2007-04-06 12:18:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hopefully, you have already tried talking to her. She has to want to make this work. No matter how much you want it, love is a two way street. If she needs space, give her space. If she wants to leave, let her leave but make sure she knows you may not be there when she's worked out her inner conflict unless she shares what's going on with you.
2007-04-06 12:18:28 · answer #6 · answered by jax0817 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may just be bored with the routine of everyday life!!!
The only way (apart from asking) is to treat her exactly the same as she treats you.
Dont ring her,Dont say i miss you,Dont cuddle up to her,turn your back on her. Dont mention the relationship until she does.
You should start going out with the boys too,She will soon work out what she wants.
You will be fine,If she was cheating you would not be living together still,and she would have ended it ny now.
Good luck....Dont think u need it.
2007-04-06 12:20:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This always seems to happen when you marry at a young age.
If she is questioning whether or not she loves you, then you'd better give her her space.
Why not go for some counseling?
2007-04-06 12:22:44 · answer #8 · answered by Ella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her time, and if she wants it give her space, something is going on and she needs to think and she can't do it around you for whatever her reason is. Give her time and space, but don't let anyone walk on ya. Good luck
2007-04-06 12:20:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried talking to her? You didn't mention that. But if she is not giving you answers then she may be up to something. You need to confront her and if she does not tell you the truth, then do some investigating of your own.
2007-04-06 12:12:51 · answer #10 · answered by ♦ Phoenix Rising♦ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋