We got married last year but since then my husband has refused to touch me sexually, is remote and distant, accuses me of cheating on him all the time (I'm not), then refuses to speak to me for days at a time, he just looks at me with dissgust in his eyes which really hurts, he gets very stressed at work and takes it out on me when he gets home by being angry and shouting over nothing. It's hell, but we're only six months in and sometimes I think I should try to honour my vows a little longer. I can't work on it because he won't let me near him to speak without him getting defensive and shouting that everything is my fault and I should stop complaining all the time. I sugested counselling and he told me to f**k off. He never comes to bed until he knows I am asleep and refuses to wake up until I leave the room in the morning. What do I do? Help I'm at the end of my tether.
2007-04-06 04:51:48 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hey, thanks everyone for replying. You are right I should have seen signs before we got married, we did have a few ups and downs, but it seemed like stuff all couples go through. I know relationships aren't perfect all the time by any means, but how it is now is just baaaaaaaaad. It did cross my mind about him maybe cheating, all I've done is go out and continue my social life with my female friends as he refuses to leave the house with me. I get back home to face the spanish inquisition while he tries to trip me up on the details of my night out, accusations of acting suspiciously followed by days of silence. Hey at least he's talking to me while he's asking the questions... (sorry dark sense of humour). It was a dumb question really, just looking for moral support, thank you all for supplying it, you're all great.
2007-04-06 05:19:50 · update #1
You need to get out. Get out now. It doesn't matter if you were married for 6 months or 1 month, you should be thankful that you foud this out about your husband now. Sorry to say but you cannot change your husband and he will not change for anything or anyone. He has no respect for you and most importantly he doesn't love you. Why would you want to be married to a man who doesn't respect you and love you? Get out....and get out fast.
2007-04-06 05:06:04 · answer #1 · answered by Victoria78 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately you will need a good lawyer to help you through this. If you financial situation does not allow for that to happen, just concentrate on your kids, and show that you are a good parent; that is your only option. This country's legal system favors women over men most of the time, therefore, unless he can prove you're a bad mother, it is unlikely he'll be able to take your kids away from you. If you're after money, you may not get what you want, as he seems to be set up pretty well, from a legal standpoint. If the kids are what's important, and you've been a good mother, you should be fine. If money is what you worry about, then you're making a bad judgment call, just like the one you made when you chose an abuse person to have a family with, and there's probably not much you'll be able to do.
2016-04-01 00:37:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it was me I'd be getting someone to look into his daily routines.
If he is that distant from you and refuses to seek counsling then their really is not much you can do. I am sorry to say that but both parties must be willing to try and save the marriage.
If you stay in this relationship and do not get the help you both need then you are just wasting time and becoming more miserable.
You have been married 6 months and he won't even touch you? He accuses you of being unfaithful? My first thought is that he is the one unfaithful... It is his own guilt why he can't look at you or touch you. I may be wrong though and if I upset you for saying that I am sorry.
You need to think if you want to live your life this way or if it's best to say goodbyes and move on with your life?
2007-04-06 05:01:25 · answer #3 · answered by Susan Goodknight 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When my ex-husband was cheating on me, he acted the VERY same way.
If your husband is refusing counseling, then how does he expect your marriage to work? Or does he?
Ask him what he would like to do...........
Try to fix the marriage or divorce and go your separate ways.
This is not a healthy relationship for either of you, and I'm sure you're feeling like you are walking on eggshells when he's home because of his attitude.
If you have family members or friends that you can crash with for a few weeks until you get settled into your own place, you may want to consider this. And doing so may be his wake-up call to reality.
2007-04-06 05:06:11 · answer #4 · answered by Ella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Years ago, I had a woman friend from work who had an almost same situation going with her husband. She did divorce him because she could not live with him anymore, he made her life so miserable and he was so angry at her constantly. He was always flipping out on her, acting unstable. And she was shocked by his unwarranted behavior. Well, it turned out he was doing this ON PURPOSE. He wanted to end the marriage and didn't know how to do it, so he created this hell so she would seek the divorce. He did admit this to her after they parted ways. I don't know if this is what your husband is doing - or if he is mentally ill and delusional. Either way, there is something wrong with him for acting this way. I believe he was nuts before you married him, he just hid it well until after the fact. Maybe he never intended for the marriage to succeed. I'd tell him you can't live like this anymore and move out, and seek a divorce if he isn't willing to try to resolve it.
2007-04-06 05:14:09 · answer #5 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make it very clear to him that you are not his door mat and that you will leave if this does not improve. I wouldn't be surprised if he just lets you go. With such a short marriage you may be able to get an anullment instead of the long wait for a divorce.
One thing I've heard several people say is that often when people accuse their mate of cheating out of the blue, they are likely cheating themselves.
But either way, he's being so rude and hostile to you it's time to move on. I really doubt that he's worth holding onto if he can treat his wife like this, but that's really your decision.
2007-04-06 04:59:02 · answer #6 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did he treat you this way prior to the marriage? If so, why in the world did you marry him!? If not, perhaps he feels as though the marriage was a mistake too. It does not sound as though he is at all content in the relationship. His lack of willingness to try and improve things seems to indicate that he wants out. I would tell him one last time that either you attend counseling together and he makes a sincere effort to treat you with love and respect......or you are filing for divorce. You don't have to accept this treatment and perhaps both of you would be happier with other people.
2007-04-06 05:04:48 · answer #7 · answered by Sophie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mika, I do am sorry for what's going on with your life right now. Seems that he is a different person, if you think you can hold on to save your marriage, then stay, but if you think that it will not make no different, please think of your health, and safety. Divorce will take a while but if you go to the minister that married the two of you, then do so by asking him that you want annulment for the reason that your husband is not really a husband and verbally abusing you. This is the easiest way for you to get out before one day, he might hurt you. Do this for yourself.............and be stronger...
2007-04-06 05:06:24 · answer #8 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sounds really terrible. Even if he's giving you a nasty look, try suggesting marriage therapy where you both can talk to someone who knows how to deal with things like this. If he doesn't answer you or says no in one way or another, you really have no other choice then to separate. If he doesn't change then it could end up really bad. You're doing the best you can to fix things and he's just not meeting you half way. Talk to someone in your family about what you should do.
2007-04-06 05:02:16 · answer #9 · answered by bri 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry for your situation it's really tough. I would say to continue to suggest counseling everyday and state how he's making you feel. I'm suprised that you didn't see any signs of this behavior before you married this man. Well that's not the point now; tell him you need to got to counseling whaen he's NOT UPSET then if he still says no give him your alternative........... Hope that helps, I'll pray for you. Remeber you can do all things through Christ Jesus our Lord, he'll never leave you nor forsake you.
2007-04-06 04:59:34 · answer #10 · answered by kleb317 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I'm so sorry!
You should probably write something like, 'Why do you think I cheated on you?' And if it doesn't work, file for divorce. You don't deserve to be treated like this!
My parents have been together 15 years. Dating five, married 10, but they haven't gotten a divorce, and they really don't like each other.
But, you should really try to talk to him, say exactly what you said here.
Someone (like a b****y neighbor) could have spread the rumor.
2007-04-06 04:57:57 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋