I'm 23 and have been with my boyfriend Xavier of the same age for 3 months now.He's a really great guy but unfortunately has some serious trust issues due to having been cheated on twice before.I've always been into friendly flirting regardless of whether I was single or not and have stayed friends with a lot of my ex-boyfriends though I have never cheated.Xavier doesn't seem to be able to deal with that.All my other boyfriends have been able to get used to the idea but none of them have ever treated me as well as he has.I don't know where to go from here.I don't want to give him up but won't I just be enabling by cutting down on the flirting and seeng less of my ex-boyfriends?
2007-04-06 04:16:04 · 15 answers · asked by Xavier's Girl 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
The 3 month mark is where the decision is made as to how your relationship will progess, if it does. If after three months Xavier is not comfortable with who you really are, and the life that you have besides being his girlfriend, then girlfriend, he's got to go. All you'll do is argue and fight and break up anyway. If he can't accept you the way you are now, then too bad. You don't have to change your life for him, he hasn't changed for you - he still has "trust issues". He needs to have time to learn to trust again, alone. You keep hanging out with your friends, you'll meet someone else. You've only been with him for three months, it's the trial period, and it's still underwarranty. Return the merchandise and exchange it for something else. Hope this helps.
2007-04-06 05:06:35 · answer #1 · answered by Hot Coco Puff 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My answer is a combination of the first two. Xavier needs lots of reassurance from you and you should offer it. However, you should not cease to be yourself. You are an extrovert, a people person. He needs to accept your personality if there is hope for your relationship. If he cannot, you need to look elsewhere.
I have an online friend who is very much like you in personality, and married to a quiet, withdrawn person and that marriage is not in good shape now.
You may well need someone who is more confident and secure. Some men would take pride in how outgoing and attractive and flirtatious their wives are, affirming that they made a good choice.
2007-04-06 04:29:00 · answer #2 · answered by Bob T 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not a matter of enabling or not. Most people aren't thrilled with the idea of their girl/boyfriend flirting with their ex-s. It looks like you two are not compatible, he believes in monogamous relationship without even a hint of impropriety and to you innocent flirting means nothing. It will be difficult to reconcile over a long period of time.
One of you would have to give up something - you - flirting, or he - security and trust. Not very likely scenario.
2007-04-06 04:32:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Enabling what???
You need to make a decision for yourself what you want out of this relationship and where it might lead...you say no one ever treated you as well as Xavier has...well, is this for fun, or could it be something more???
Instead of seeing it as enabling, try to put yourself in his position and imagine how you would feel...if it would bother you if he were to flirt with ex-girlfriends, you need to stop. If not, he is not the right guy for you.
2007-04-06 04:57:11 · answer #4 · answered by avechm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
!. Teasing will get you into trouble - I notice only ex-boyfiends put up with it.
2. Always consider that any kind of controlling behavior is bad. I don't know how many times someone has told me that the person was good to me, but... A little controlling behavior eventually leads to greater controlling behavior. A little flirting leads to... down the line.
2007-04-06 04:29:25 · answer #5 · answered by cavassi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first. it doesnt have to be one extreeme or the other, there is always a compromise if you two are willing. secondly you said he treated you better then the rest right? well then he is more sensetive to your feelings than previous men. he seems to want a different kind of relationship than you are used to. dont be offended, but how would you feel if the women hes been with were stopping by and hanging on him?
2007-04-09 11:33:28 · answer #6 · answered by railroader454 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Flirting and teasing is not appropriate behavior in our society and does not engender trust in boyfriends. Stop it or seek counseling if you just can't stop.
My then future sister-in-law was an extreme flirt and tease. I put an end to that annoying behavior, by telling her to put up or shut up.
2007-04-06 04:24:25 · answer #7 · answered by Clown Knows 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no you both have to compromse u cud try being less flirtatious and not see ur ex's and he should try and see that your not the same as those other girls that cheated. it will have to be both of you that make it work not just one but good luck
2007-04-06 04:41:43 · answer #8 · answered by TheOneNOnlyTK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate it when people refer to their relationship as "doomed"! Unless he's a rapist or psycho,which it sounds like he's not, there's always at least a small chance! Explain to him that there's no way you would want to hurt him!
2007-04-06 04:23:53 · answer #9 · answered by Emily The Teen Trump 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
weigh it up
continue flirting or keep Xavier
2007-04-09 22:44:31 · answer #10 · answered by ~*tigger*~ ** 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋