Should I stay married out of guilt?

Question

I have been married for 26 years. We never had a tradional marriage. He works nights I worked day no vacations ect. We have different bills that we pay ect. No joint accounts. I got behind in my bills after we had children and he did not help much and when I asked 4 money he got upset. I never asked just got a little more in debt. Now I have ask him for divorce and he cried, told me he could not live without me..Then he told me he had no where to go and now we are broke because he had to give me money to help get me out of debt. After asking him for a divorce he is now nice and ect. But I feel I no longer have any feelings for him and the way he was before I can't forget. I had my problems mostly with money I paid some bills out of his account without him knowing. I know I shouldn't have but I did. He has 2 boats and trailers ect. I have clothes and car (it least that is how it feels). Should I go knowing how hard he is trying now or should I go and be happy. So guilty

Answer 1

sounds like you've been married out of guilt for years now! i think it would be better to get divorced and go and each of you can find your happiness.

Answer 2

Not out of guilt, but yes you should stay married. You have a lot to learn from working through this. You won't grow from walking away, and neither will he.
You got married not understanding how to do that. You both probably had terrible role models. The first step would be to find better role models and get help. Then work on learning how to share your life with another person.
You should have one bank account. You need to start being "one." You need to learn how to communicate, to be vulnerable to each other. You need to change your jobs so that you are together. With the situation you describe, no wonder you have no feelings at all. You never even see each other, and that is just a plan to keep yourselves safe.
Since he is trying, why don't you? Take a risk. Stop looking for results and start planting the seeds. You will reap what you sow, so sow! The old feelings will go away when you replace them with new ones by changing the way you think and act. Don't substitute guilt or taking care of him, find ways to actually enjoy time together, even if you don't feel love for him. You both have so much to learn. Don't look for the easy way out.

Answer 3

If you can actually walk away with no feelings, then you are likely ready for a divorce. Since you feel guilty, though, it seems as though there may be something still there. Think back to why you fell in love and married in the first place. Try to reconnect and talk about the issues with the money. Explain to him how disconnected you felt and how detached he seemed from you. He obviously loves you, so look back to 26 years ago and try to find that. If you can't then go....do not stay married due to guilt as it will only turn into resentment.

Answer 4

the way i see it, you have 2 options:
1. stay with him, try working things out, it'll bring you closer together and make your marriage stronger than ever before

2. if you really, truly honestly don't think things are going to work out, then NO don't stay married out of guilt. sometimes in life, you have to be a little selfish, and i think deciding on how and with whom to spend the rest of your life with counts as one of those times.

26 years is a really long time, so don't opt for a divorce just because you're feeling helpless, do it if you think it's over between the two of you. take you're time, i'm sure you'll do the right thing. good luck, i'm praying for you :)

Answer 5

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Remove your feelings for the other woman from the equation for now. I know, you're in love, she's perfect, etc., but try to picture a scenario in which you hadn't met her. Would you still want out of the marriage, or would you be looking for ways to try and make this relationship work? If divorce still sounds like the better alternative, then do what you have to. It will be hard on your children - there's no way around that - but you're not doing their development any favors by modeling a loveless marriage for them, either. Just be supportive of them, and don't take your lack of respect for your wife out where they can see: no matter how wonderful a stepmother you think the other woman might make, your wife will always be their mother.

Answer 6

If I were you I wouldnt stay married. You only live once you better do what makes you the most happy. He might be upset and depressed at first but he will move on and then I'm sure he would agree that was the best thing to do

Answer 7

Don't allow money to tear your marriage up. It seems like that's the only real issue here and that can be resolved. It seems like you feel out of love because he wasn't a good supporter as you desired. I believe that could be worked on. How would your life change if he leaves you? Maybe greed is a problem for him and he don't know how to deal with it. I say love him. Find out if he really loves you and if greed is acutally the probably. If so, I must say this Acts 20:35 In everything I have pointed out to you [by example] that, by working diligently in this manner, we ought to assist the weak, being mindful of the words of the Lord Jesus, how He Himself said, It is more blessed (makes one happier and more [a]to be envied) to give than to receive.

Answer 8

Don't lie to him
if you dont like him any more after 26 years what held you together if you never really shared things?
dont feel guilty its partly his fault
dont stay married out of guilt
that just gonna torture the both of you
and the kids would be able to tell and it'll drive them crazy thinking things are their fault so talk to them and help them understand unless they're older

Answer 9

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/g54vh

Answer 10

How sad. How totally and completely sad. After 26 years of marriage, you two never figured out how to be a couple. When you're BOTH ready to actually commit to each other emotionally, physically AND FINANCIALLY you're marriage might have a chance. Otherwise, how could it?