While we dated in high school, my hubby cheated on me and completely broke my heart. He even lost his virginity to her, when he and I were planning to get married and only be with each other. Since then we've reconciled he's apologized and proved to me that he's learned from his mistake.
But I still hold a grudge. I don't mean to, but it was so painful at the time that I still hurt over it sometimes. How can I finally let go of it all?
2007-04-06 03:39:47 · 27 answers · asked by Eowyn 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This started about 2 1/2 years ago. I am already married to him (for just over a year now) and I love him with all my heart. I know he'll never betray me again. That's not my concern. I'm just still bitter over the hurt he already did sometimes. I want to get rid of that. I just don't know how.
2007-04-06 03:48:11 · update #1
I have no interest in leaving him. He is the only man I've ever loved. And I don't believe in just giving up on my marriage. Everything about my marriage is wonderful, except that one little thing I've got.
2007-04-06 03:54:09 · update #2
i would say you need to seek counselling yourself. maybe after you figure it out you can invite him into the sessions. but i think on some level you do want to hold onto it cause you still have it. having him cheat on you and you being apprehensive is understandable and takes time to heal. talking and open communication will help. when anyone's trust is broken it takes time to recover, especially when its a traumatic event as that. so go to counselling. start talking about it more with a professional that will help you resolve the situation so you can be able to let it go.
2007-04-06 03:46:02 · answer #1 · answered by Jody SweetG 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get over it! If you want to marry him, then get over it. Because carrying this grudge into a marriage will ultimately destroy it. Imagine God not forgiving us. Where would we be? Let it go, he loves you, if not he wouldn't want to spend the rest of his life with you. Make sure you communicate this hurt and pain to him instead of holding it down inside and allowing it to eat you up. Let him know how you feel and what this has done to you. High School students are some what immature. But you must, must learn to forgive him and forget it. Now if he cheats on you in your marriage that's a total different ball game. As long as there is still trust there, then everything is okay. If it isn't then you probably shouldn't have married him.
2007-04-06 10:53:31 · answer #2 · answered by Destiney 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sometimes you never get over this. I was cheated on with my ex and honestly I'm so glad I left him finally because now i have a son and a wonderful fiance. I don't believe it that once a cheater always a cheater. I do believe that people can be sincere and sorry for there mistakes. I don't know how old you are but if your not happy you need to figure out a way yourself to be happy. whether that is leaving him or not. It's hard when its your first love but honey it gets easier with time. Try going to marriage conceling and see if that will work if you want to stay with him. I have trust issues with My fiance now not with cheating though and I know how it is to love someone and then the next minute to want to strangle him for what he put you through it just takes time and eventually if you really love him you will learn to trust again.
2007-04-06 10:51:53 · answer #3 · answered by Tracy G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Where does your interest lie? would you like to continue living in the past or would you rather move on and create a future for the 2 of you? Your pain is just that...Yours!! He is no longer doing anything to hurt you, you are! He made an error in judgement, he apologized, he's working in the relationship, so now what more? I don't want to offend, but I am so glad that my Higher Power doesn't hold on to my mistakes when I ask for his forgiveness!
2007-04-06 10:50:13 · answer #4 · answered by 2be4real 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Probably shouldn't have married him in the first place. If you made a committment like that before getting married and he wasted his virginity on someone else before you that shows he really wasn't committed to you in the first place. I know. I've been with the same guy since I was 14 and lost my virginity to him and we had kids early. 4 kids later and many times he has cheated. Currently with a bimbo right now that I can't get rid of but I got problems with my house and credit and with four kids and trying to finish my law school education I can't leave and have no choice (well I do have choices but not ones that are appealing). He has been a bastard to me from almost the start. I say dump his *** before he hurts you more.
2007-04-06 10:48:18 · answer #5 · answered by Puleeeze 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I could go into the whole "God wants you to forgive, but never forget" thing, but I won't I'll just tell you that it will always be there, and you have to learn to cope with it. If you trust him now then that's half the battle. Don't make him suffer any longer, the more you make him suffer the more you will suffer. Just remember, it's in the past and try to move on. I know that probably didn't help much, but I wasn't going to lie and say it will all be forgotten...
2007-04-06 10:48:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it might depend on how long ago it's been and what's he's done to prove himself otherwise. If you constantly feel upset, cry or even mistrust, you might consider counseling. I have friends who went through the same thing. He cheated on her and this was in 05; she's still not over it but won't get help. He's proven to her he's changed and apologozied etc..and it hasn't been good enough.
2007-04-06 10:48:06 · answer #7 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You either have to forgive him and let it go or move on and get a new boyfreind. Definately dont marry him if you still haven't came to terms with what he done. There's no way that could be a happy marriage with hard feelings still lingering. Good luck.
2007-04-06 10:44:21 · answer #8 · answered by I know, I know!!!! 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Couples counseling. Seriously.
It can offer a wealth of resources and tools to help deal with the anger and pain you're feeling. It takes a long time to forgive, and you have to do it for the RIGHT reasons. He has to be patient and understanding as well.
It takes a long time and even more work. That's the voice of experience.
A great book to start that journey is this one: http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/
It helped me with ALL the relationships in my life. :)
Good luck in your journey...
2007-04-06 10:45:50 · answer #9 · answered by FieryOutlaw 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its very important to be able to forgive, it takes up more energy and stress to hold a grudge than what it does to forgive, living is for the future not what happened in the past there is nothing you can do about the past its been and gone, thats why its important to forgive and focus your energy on the future, or the past will just make you bitter.
2007-04-06 10:45:55 · answer #10 · answered by matty b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋