Why the guilt trip?

Question

How do you deal with a mother who makes you feel guilty about leaving a man you're involved with? We've been together for almost four years now and we share a child in common. I'm terribly mistreated to say the least. She's aware of his past but doesn't want to hear how bad the problem has become. I'm told that I should stay and try to work things out for the sake of our child. What can I do to convince my mother that moving on with my life is the best decision for me and my child?

Answer 1

No need to convince. She had her turn at raising her children and likely did as she wanted, not what her mother wanted her to do. You do what is best for your child and get out of that relationship. You r child can still see the father, if it is safe, but an abusive relationship between the parents is very unhealthy for children. It distorts the reality of what to expect in a loving relationship and can damage their future relationships.

Answer 2

Gal, Ask your mom why you need to workout. If it is for your child what good it will do. Tell her that you are not selfish and want a good life for both you and your kid. Why she thinks the other half is not going to create this situation again. Sure you have reasons to all and tell her that you are ready to workout what if it does not work.

That is old time that only married couples get respect, it is 21st century, there are more single moms now then ever and have self respect.

Show couple of achievements from past that you are a strong persons, give reasons to her that how you handled the past and what was wrong during marriage. Tell her that how your child was treated during and after the fight.

She is right cause everything was good with her life. (She adjusted the situations as there was no way out) You should have asked your father, I am sure he would have supported you.

Answer 3

Interesting. Well, here's the thing. You don't have to convince your mother of anything, you know? I know she's your mom etc, but she's not living your life or being mistreated. I would get out of the marriage. It's not healthy to stay in a bad marriage/relationship because of a child. When the child gets old enough; the situation can be explained. Kids I've learned adapt well to situations and are resilient. If she knows his bad past and still expects you to stay with him, that makes her ignorant, and I don't like to talk bad about other peoples parents, you know? Try and get your ducks in a row and find a way to move out and move on with your child. She doesn't have to like it, or anything else you do. Best wishes!

Answer 4

It doesn't matter what she thinks you need to do whats best for you and she is your mother she'll get over it and she will always love you. The first thing you did wrong was ask for her advice. It was nice you did but now you know where she stands and what she thinks you should do and it is hurtful b/c she is not supporting your decision like we wish she would. It doesn't matter anymore what she thinks b/c you need to do what you need to do for YOU for the individual that you are as well as the adult that you are. She looks at you like your young and still HER "child"! Put some distance between the two of you and move on accordingly as you planed; As long as it doesn't involve moving back in with her and if that is the plane then that is her hidden problem that she hasn't dicussed with you, she can't and won't! Leaving the father of your child is not waht she intended for you and your child she's just bummed out b/c she had high hopes for you and your family and she just wanted things to work out and she is still hoping things will work out. Good luck!

Answer 5

My guess would be that your mother stayed in a bad marriage and feels that if she could do it, then you should. (just a guess). Remember: our parents were raised to believe that divorce was taboo. They have a hard time understanding how much society has changed since they were younger. Even though they live in today's day and age, they are really not a part of OUR age's lifestyles and have a hard time understanding how it is for younger people. My mother can be the same way. Best thing you can do is, stay true to YOUR convictions and follow your heart. You are the only one that has to deal with the consequences of your decisions. Good, Bad, or Indifferent.

Answer 6

It appears you have a grown-up job.

You look like a grown-up.

Now act like one.

Tell your mother she did everything she could to raise you right and you thank her for that but you are just going to go ahead and live your own life how you see fit and take all the consequences on your own good or bad and she can't protect you from the world any more no matter how much she worries and tries to guilt trip you into doing things and how worried she is that your actions reflect on her.

It's nicer than "Mom, go p*ss up a rope and keep your snoot out of my business" but it gets the job done all the same.

Answer 7

I would ask your mother if she wants her grandchild to grow up and have a relationship like the one you are in. Not real sure what you are going threw but if it is abusive there should be no question if you stay or not! Your first priority is the safety of your child, if he is abusive to you he can become abusive to the child.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

I don't think you can convince her. She will see the difference in you and your child maybe 6 months or a year after you are seperated and realize the difference in you. It will then hit her, how unhappy you were in the relationship.

Answer 10

stuff your mum. Doesnt she want the best for her daughter?? she shouldnt want you and her grandchild to grow up unhappy just for the sake of being in a relationship, thats ridiculous and she should get a clue. Stop trying to please your mum - as long as you are happy thats what matters the most. You dont have to convince her.