what is the next step in a 7 yr marriage if trust and communication is not there? He doesnt want marriage counseling. he thinks this will all go away? It wont tell me how he feels and cant decide (sp) if he still wants to stay married or not...How long does it take for a man to make up his mind..there are 2 kids involved and he doesnt like confrontation....we have had the perfect married up until the last 6 months.
2007-04-06 02:30:35 · 13 answers · asked by machele 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You ask - "How long does it take for a man to make up his mind?" Goodness! You can't just clump half of the people on earth into one category. He's an individual - and you have to treat him as such.
I don't know why the trust has gone away - or the communication. If the marriage was perfect until just recently - then somebody must have done something for those areas to be hurting. If it was him - YOU can decide to forgive him or not. AND - if he refuses to do counseling - YOU will have to decide how important or needed that is - and either go by yourself - or decide that if you can't do it together that your marriage will not make it. Those are a whole bunch of decisions for you to make.
Now - if you did something to diminish the trust - then again - you COULD go to counseling yourself or decide that the counseling will take both of you - or your marriage won't make it.
You also could just decide that your marriage is worth saving - and you will do whatever it takes in order for that to happen.
These are all decisions for YOU to make. All you can do is make your own decisions. You cannot make your husband do anything. That control is not yours. Step up and control what you can (YOU!) in a loving way - and go forth. That's all you can do.
And above EVERYTHING - make sure that your children are protected and loved in every way possible. No matter what happened - they are the innocents here.
2007-04-06 02:47:53 · answer #1 · answered by liddabet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will not go away on it's own. It might recede some for a while but it will come back if left as is. Marriage counseling is your best option to save the marriage. If he will not go then you can check into some personal counseling anyway. It will help you work through the problems that come up from a bad marriage. You don't mention kids, if you don't have any, keep it that way. Having a child increases stress and does not revitalize the lost trust and communication. There is no time limit to making up ones mind, he could flip flop for year. Without help eventually you'll divorce.
2007-04-06 02:41:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No you haven't had the perfect marriage. You probably only kept it all bottled up until the last 6 months.
He doesn't like confrontation so he doesn't deal with any problems, and you let him. Stop.
Don't let him sink into that complacent life. Bring the issues to him every day. Don't nag, don't beg or threaten or order him around. Just bring them to him, every single day. Expect him to do something about it, communicate that, and tghen walk away. Tell him you are walking away but you are not going away, you are waiting for him to take some action. Don't act, at all, on anything, until he shows some leadership.
Been there, done that. It works if you are patient and kind and very persistent.
2007-04-06 05:20:10 · answer #3 · answered by mom of 5 in CA 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem here is YOU. Your not good at taking hints. The man wont discuss his feelings with you, he wont do counseling and there is no trust. Why do you need HIM to tell you whats what? Read the signals and ask yourself...WHY are you waiting to hear the words when his actions are already telling you that he wants out of the marriage. Words are just words...ACTIONS speak loud and clear!!!
2007-04-06 02:48:48 · answer #4 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
trust or communication is one the most important things,without that there isn't really much to a marriage,I was reluctant to go to marriage counseling to because its hard for a guy to just sit down and talk about his feelings,but am i sure glad i did,we would have surely divorced if we hadn't.If i were you i would take a tougher stance on this,tell him its counseling now or separation,when the threats of divorce stop and it becomes a reality it may serve as a wake up call to him
2007-04-06 02:54:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You couldn't have had a "perfect" marriage if trust and communication have been missing. He didn't just become a different person than he has been, just moreso. It would seem that something has changed for him....an affair? You need to take yourself and the kids into consideration and make a decision. There is no reason for you to wait for him to make up his mind. Make a decision to do the right thing for you and your kids.
2007-04-06 02:50:23 · answer #6 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think i've asked 3 questions on here in 2 years and they were not related to my spouse. Personal matters should be taken care of personally. If your source of information is from YA then you probably have other major issues in your marriage/relationship. I think people rush into marriage and then rush into divorce. No one seems to take the time to really get to know the other person before taking that important step. Maybe they are more focused on the wedding than the actual marriage.
2016-04-01 00:26:14 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you may have to be the one to make the next step..you didn't say if there is someone else involved here but if trust is not there I am thinking that may be it. I don't believe any relationship can last without either trust or communication, it may be up to you as to how long you are willing to live like that
2007-04-06 02:39:23 · answer #8 · answered by wonderin2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-02-11 03:06:02 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When men are afraid of something they usually withdraw in themselves. It's common. I think all you can do now is try to be there for him, and if that doesn't work maybe you should try different approach. Don't ask how he feels, but try to see from what he does, look for more subtle signs. Some middle aged men are afraid if they have gone far enough in life, and are afraid that they don't have enough time for fun stuff. It will pass in time, and if you think that you relationship is worth saving it, you will have to grunt your teeth and let him has his way this time. Hopefully he will calm down and talk to you about what is bothering him.
2007-04-06 03:04:06 · answer #10 · answered by Accalia R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋