Distraught and alone please help?

Question

nearly 2 weeks ago my partner physically abused me badly, police were called and he has now left and gone.

Altough I am happy and relieved by this that he has gone, I did love him and I am finding it so hard to get on with my life.

We have 4 kids together and everyday I am just crying and so upset I don't know what to do next.

He hasn't made any contact to speak or see the kids either so they are upset by this too.

Any ideas how I can stop crying and get stronger? He isn't coming back, and I don't want him either but I need to make a start and I dont know how.

Thank you so much everyone for your wonderful replies. I am still crying and hurt but I am sure I can do it. Thanks/

Especially Rose, thanks too for your personal account and honesty.

Answer 1

chin up mate - there are plenty of decent guys out there who will respect you more than this gumby did. hell - I do and I dont even know you. just look after those kids

Answer 2

first I would like to say how sorry i am that you and the kids are going through this with your husband,but you have done the right thing! it will be tough for a while, i also have 4 kids,and also left an abussive relationship,at the time i had 2 kids,since then i remarrried and had 2 more.i am happy to report that there is absalutley no abuse in my present marriage of 15 years.so u see life does go on and can get better,u must stay positive for yourself and the kids.u must also be strong,as much as u might want to unload on the kids -dont.they will grow up one day and learn the truth and have thier own opinion on the matter,they will respect u for your decision to leave him and not talk badly of him.there will be times when u will consider calling him or going back to him,i think it is human nature to sometimes forget the negative and remember the positive.the only thing i can say about that is do not forget,i dont mean you have to dwell on it,but when considering taking him back dont forget.people who abuse do not get better without help,never!in fact it (abuse) usually gets worse.You can help yourself by perhaps seeking counselling or joining a singles group who have gone through a similar situation.Now its time for your life without abuse and turmoil,yes you are starting all over again so make the most of it. by the way i think your husband is not calling because he WANTS you to miss him and he knows it is going to bother u that he is not calling-dont fall for it.Tell the children it is his loss if he does not call,which i think is selfish of him, afterall this is not the childrens battle.lets hope he will eventually contact them,and also one day you and your husband could have a respectable relationship for the sake of the kids.all this takes time to heal,allow yourself some time to heal.you have been through alot!Then you can start to make plans for you and your kids,do the things you could not before for whatever reason.talk with friends and if u do not have any make some.you and your children will be o.k. with time you must trust in yourself.I wish you all the very best,try to stay positive.

Answer 3

Boy, do I know that feeling. I went through a break-up after a 12 year relationship. It has been about a year, and I am just beginning to date.

Take you time. You do not need to be abused to have love. Explain to your children that daddy had a bad temper and went to get some help. Tell them that he still loves them, but he may be gone for awhile.

You start getting involved in your community. There is a Parents Without Partners Club in most communities. Try that. They hold dances, and social functions. This would give you the opportunity to socialize with other people in your position.

Time will heal your broken heart. Hopefully you will find a nice person for you and your children to share your life with.

Answer 4

Similar to my situation. My wife mentally abused me for years, after counselling she refused to change. Eventually I left, I cant go back to be "beaten" again, but do miss so many things and the good times. Its been 3 months. The " Happy" pills take the edge off, and new people I meet have their own ways, they are not replacements.

The usual addage of Time they say helps, but in the short term I must admit drink sometimes helps, and I like to escape in sleep.

My advice is keep close to the net, there is a lot on here and people talking helps.

Crying is not a bad thing, its a way your body copes too

Answer 5

I see this all the time. It's how the cycle of abuse continues, and I'm glad to see you realize he's bad for you all, even though you still care for him. You're only human, and sometimes things are too much for one person to deal with. This is one of those times. You need to stay the course and move on, there is someone good for you out there. Talk to a clergyman, doctor or counselor. There are abuse groups associatred with your local women's shelters, contact any hospital to find those. The police could even direct you there. It's not a sign of weakness to seek help. Hang in there, and make the call now.

Answer 6

Pull together! Take the kids and get out for the day (park, movie, relative's house, ect). Get some fresh air and have some quality family time, it will do you all some good. I know how hard it is to have a relationship come to a dirty end like this, but on the bright side, you definetly got the better deal-your children. Focus on them and on yourself, and in time you'll come to see how great life really can be! Best of luck to you and your family, stay strong girl!

Answer 7

Just remember you are all they have, and with that you must stay strong and that you made the best decision to get him out of all of your lives, have a lot of your family and friends around to support and help.... seek counseling if you can.... staying busy and getting your life in order should be your top priority now... go seek child support if you have not already to help.... see about getting a job if your kids are school age....good luck but take it one day at time...

Answer 8

Oh thats no good. The best you can do is be strong for your kids. i no it is very difficult for you but have to relise what this man has done to you. I no it must be veryy hard but time heals everything. Just think try not think about the past and move on with the future.. you will be o.k soon
Good luck :]

Answer 9

One year ago, i was in the same situation like yours, mine is worst, because i committed suicide, but i was revived. So this is my second life, i prayed hard everyday to God to give me strength to go through life. That where i got my focuse and energy to face the reality that he is not coming back, and i have to move on because i have kids.At first, it was so hard, but through constant praying, one year had past, and i am still doing well, i started my day doing some exercises at the gym, go to vacational school to learn computer, learn cooking and go to spa to relax. i think i look younger now, because i lost l0 lbs. Now i don't cry anymore, but i thank God for everything, i think he do it with purpose. So let time heal your pain, you will survive..

Answer 10

its natural to feel like crying when you are so hurt. So dont supress your grief. Crying makes us feel better. Start a new life as soon as possible. Start working. Begin thinking what work you would like to do. Remember that time heals every wound.

Answer 11

i,m sad for you and you kids, but see you having a greater life without him in your life.
look for what you want and need right now, go out for a family outing to show the kids you can do this, go out with your mate to show yourself the "you" still exist without that man, have you ever herd the saying if mums happy every one is happy, be the best you can
good luck