I hear him when he talks to other people in the family, or his friends, but whenever he talks to me he can (at times) be hateful and disrespectful and The nicer I am the worse it gets. He always tells me he loves me, but then he acts as if everything i say to him is just an annoyance. He has a few friends who are just Losers, and he always is making excuses for their behavior, but he holds me to much higher standards, is always critical of everything I do? When I tell him how I feel, he says its all me. I asked his family today if it is really me or if they ever hear him speak to other people that way, and they all said he only acts that way to me, What is up?
2007-04-05 21:50:02 · 26 answers · asked by tvm209 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is taking you for granted. You need to explain to him that you will not accept his behavior towards you.He expects more from you and frankly he doesn't deserve it.Respect is a two way process ,do not be so easily pleased with him in future, he has you sitting on a knife edge, with his constant unreasonable demands.Do not be so submissive in future you are not his slave.He is a good man I think but totally insensitive to your needs emotionally and mentally.
2007-04-05 22:00:50 · answer #1 · answered by Lindsay Jane 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may not think so, but this is a form of abuse that he is doing to you. You are a people pleaser and you are not going to be able to please him no matter what you do. There is nothing wrong with you, because I know the way he treats you , you are always asking what am I doing wrong? The answer is nothing. The only way that might change how he treats you is for you two to get consoling and of course he will probably deny that he has a problem. Even though he has a nice side to you at times, the bad in him will always outweigh the good. You really need help with this, because he is mistreating you and you can't change it on your own.
2007-04-05 23:17:17 · answer #2 · answered by auntkarendjjb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you are letting him get away with disrespecting you. If you don't stand up for yourself, nobody will. Stop asking for other people's opinion, stop accepting his lame excuses, put your foot down and make it clear how you expect to be treated in future. If there is still no change in his behaviour, ask yourself if this is what you will want to live with for the rest of your life. My guess is that your answer to that question will be no.
2007-04-05 22:42:58 · answer #3 · answered by Liz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well tvm209, your husband seems to be a person whose self-esteem is quite low. He considers you to be an extension of his personality and is using you to enhance his image (in his own eyes and in the eyes of others). This is a common behaviour pattern among such people - they are innately kind, courteous, sensitive, talented, intelligent and loving but when it comes to their image they turn poisonous, sometimes they can be voilent too. Your husband seems to be such a type .. he could in all probability be living a double life - one for the outside world and one within the walls of your home.
He could also be secretive, very very private, shy, non-proactive (re-active), and very demanding. He would expect perfection from his wife and kids. He probably seeks to add value to his self by having perfect wife, kids, income, choices, health etc.
He could be perpetually trying to prove himself.
He could also be hesitant in sexual matters - and also very passionate.
His peers and friends would be those people where he will not be seriously inferior.
He probably has a problem relating to the opposite sex.
He probably needs some therapy, spiritual guidance and lots of love.
2007-04-05 22:12:03 · answer #4 · answered by wisdomoftheages 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has lost respect for himself - and is taking it out on you because you are a threat as you know him better than anyone else. If he is mixing with losers he is picking up their traits and is bringing them home, unhappy with the situation and it is easy to blame you rather than himself. It sounds like he needs to break form his friends and find himself again. He needs to keep the "act" going for his family because they don't know him as well as you and they are not living with him every day. You need to think about standing up to him rather than being "nicer" to him. That doesn't mean becoming a screaming idiot. It does mean telling him that the two of you need to sort things out with a straight chat. If that is hard consider talking to a counsellor - together.
2007-04-05 21:57:31 · answer #5 · answered by Aromet 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes guys just simply don't have a clue. And sometimes you have to tie that clue to a base ball bat and beat them over the head with it. It's easy to take the one that means the most to you for granted. And it seems that we often hold that person to higher standards. If find myself doing the same thing sometimes. My wife is wonderful. But I want her to be perfect. She has her faults. We all do. But sometimes I forget that. But unlike you, she won't hesitate to set me straight from time to time. You need to sit his *** down and explain to him that you aren't perfect. You aren't a "trophy" wife. You are human, with all the faults of a human. And tell him that just as soon as he becomes the perfect man, then you'll become the perfect woman.
2007-04-05 22:13:51 · answer #6 · answered by Buckwheat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you shouldn't be discussing your personal biz with your husband with anyone else - your family, his family, your friends. That's very disrespectful.
Well, we teach people how to treat us. If you are not assertive, confident, loving, honest, and of good character, you may not be treated respectfully by your husband. Lots of times it's a question of attitude. Positive reinforcement is much better than negative, and a lot of wives get into the nagging/haranguing kind of pattern then wonder why their husbands don't respond positively.
2007-04-06 00:56:22 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
girl, that is no way to treat a woman. i would sit his a ss down, tie him up if need be, and talk 2 him. tell him 2 shut up 4 2 seconds, cause u know d amn well what he's gonna say. ask him whats the reason he's treating u this way, and why he thinks u deserve it. cause i know d amn well know woman/girl deserves what your getting. and if it keeps going on, just.. give him a taste of his own medicine. i'm only 14, but thats what i would do girl!!!! luv ya
2007-04-05 21:54:19 · answer #8 · answered by Krista Nielsen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with velvet, I used to do the same thing with my wife and i did not even notice i did it until she confronted me on it. Just bring your problem with it to his attention because he may not know that he is doing it. If he knows it hurts your feelings or upsets you he probably will make an attempt to stop, and if he doesn't do the same thing to him that will turn him around lol. It worked for me and my wife and now we speak to each other respectfully like we should. Sometimes your just not aware that it really bothers the person.
2007-04-05 22:05:47 · answer #9 · answered by aaronhayes4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him point blank that you're not going to put up with being disrespected. Assure him though that if he has issues behind the disrespectful talk, you'll be there to help him out.
Just promise yourself that you will NEVER take any disrespect from anyone.
2007-04-05 21:54:06 · answer #10 · answered by Camillo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋