One of my really close friends has been cutting herself again. She started when we were like 13, after she was molested by an older guy that we knew, but after a lot of talking about it she stopped. I'm the only person that ever knew about it and I promised that I would never tell.....but now she started again. She hasn't told me this flat out, but I just know that she has. She's withdrawn, and...just not herself. And now she's not eating.....I'm worried about her, and I just don't know what to do anymore. I know she'll kill me if I tell anyone we know, but maybe I should let an adult know. Her family's really screwed up right now and her parents split up.....please, I don't know what to do this time...............help?
2007-04-05 19:20:09 · 25 answers · asked by ♥femme fatale♥ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
we're both 16, and NO she's not EMO or suicidal !!!!!!!
2007-04-05 19:27:21 · update #1
Well you might not understand this but she is doing destructive behavior for a whole list of reasons--you are nice to try and help BUT you are not doing her any favors by not telling anyone. She wants someone to know---she wants her parents back together and if they are told she is cutting herself, she thinks that will get them together again. That is the way a kid sees a grown up issue. Tell a school counselor and ask to be kept out of it. Doesn't anyone see her cuts?? They will if you mention your concern. She needs more help than you can give her--you are not a professional---get to talking to a counselor at school today !! It is the biggest favor you can do for her....thanks
2007-04-05 19:29:26 · answer #1 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, your friend has been through alot. I symapthize and concern.
This is serious, it isnt a "oh look, im cutting! whee!" its a distress sign of "Help! I need attention."
Even though her parents and family are screwed up, this shouldn't stop them from loving and caring about your friend, since she's their daughter. If they hate eachother so much, they can't even stand to be in the same room as eachother, tell them to "suck it up because it's not their problem right now, but their child's."
TELL an adult, an adult you really, really trust. It doesn't matter how old you are, but your friend needs some serious help. Cutting and becoming anorexic doesn't make things easier, it complicates everything much more.
Persuasion usually doesn't help in this situation, especially if that person's mind is already set up.
Yes, she'll probably be mad at you for telling, but, after she's ok, she'll realize this was to her benefit. And maybe she'll forgive you, but if she doesn't, then at least your heart and mind knows you helped one of your best friends. And that is what being a true friend really means.
2007-04-06 02:44:01 · answer #2 · answered by Mystified Sorceress 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was younger I did the same thing, my mom and I weren't close, she was a single mom working 2 jobs, I thought she didn't have time for me or that she would even care, but a friend of mine told her, and my mom didn't come right out and accuse me, she was looking for the proof to show me that she knew, she was doing my laundry and saw some clothing with blood on it, and she had my sister go to a friends and she made dinner for us, and asked me calmly, if I was ok, and she had an idea I was hurting myself, and she reassured me no matter what she loved me and was there for me, so I then broke down and opened up, she sent me to therapy alone and with her, and it really helped, maybe if you talk to your friends mom and tell her, but ask her to look at the laundry before she washes it, or ask her to take your friend bathing suit shopping, and she may see the marks then, if your friend is really doing it again then she does need support from family and friends, you are still young yourself and if she cuts too deep next time or in a dangerous place then the worst could happen, the best help you can give her is to tell an adult, and most likely they won't say that you told them. Good luck with your friend.
2007-04-06 12:34:32 · answer #3 · answered by taralynn 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She needs proffessional help. I know that you don't want her to hate you, but she could end up killing herself, even accidently, if it's not stopped. I'm guessing that you are both underage. If you don't think her parents would deal well with the situation, find another adult- your parents, a teacher, a trusted family friend, someone- who can help to get her the help she needs. The cutting and anorexia come from all sorts of problems, usually because she needs an outlet for her emotions, but these are not healthy ones. Even if she hates you for it, saving her life is the most important thing. Hopefully someday she will thank you for it. She is lucky to have you. Good luck!
2007-04-06 02:30:44 · answer #4 · answered by Brittae 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know this is a very very serious matter that you don't want to take likely. Your friend could end up hurting herself so bad that she could die. I know you promised her you wouldn't tell and she trust you but sometimes we have to go with our better judgement and what's best for her in the long run. I strongly suggest that you tell an adult, someone at school, your parents, or you aunt or uncle, someone that will get her the help that she needs and deserves! Best wishes to you and your friend and I hope and pray that things work out and she seeks professional help as soon as possible! Be Blessed!
2007-04-06 06:55:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thirteen is a terrible age to have gone through this. You were both young, and knowing how to handle it was probably rather difficult.
Self-harm is generally a way for people to cope with painful feelings. It can take the emotional pain away for a while. Or it can be a way to cope with anything from anger to sadness. People who harm themselves are not seeking attention. Do not let anyone tell you that. They are trying to deal with the pain they feel. After what your friend has been through, it isn't at all surprising that she started cutting herself.
Firstly, please, don't jump to conclusions. Talk to her first. She might not have started cutting herself again. She may just be going through a difficult time. You need to know for sure.
If she has started again, the most important thing for her to do is to talk to someone. Even right now, she probably really wants to talk to someone about it. Let her know that you are worried about her. Let her know that you are there for her. If you do that, she will hopefully open up to you. And when she does that, you will be able to try and help her.
I think that the following link will let you know how to help her better than I ever could. It may even be helpful to get your friend to read through it as well.
http://www.reachout.com.au/default.asp?ti=281
If you don't think that you can help your friend this time, then I urge you to seek help from someone in your area who can. You may want to talk to a family member who is close to her, or even try and get her to ring a confidential helpline. She may not trust them enough, or she may just be scared, but, if you can, try and get her to seek help from a counselor, psychiatrist or psychologist.
You may be the only person that she trusts enough to talk about this with. If that is the case, I urge you to learn all you can about self-harm. It's the best way you have of helping her.
I'm sorry that I can't help you more. All the best.
2007-04-06 03:25:29 · answer #6 · answered by Vix'thra 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what it's like. My friend did the same. She stopped eating too. And she gets depressed. Though she wanst molested, I think the best thing to do would be to tlak to an adult that's not her parents beacause since you said her family is screwed up, i wouldnt be sure if her parents would know what to do about it. If this goes on any longer, she could do so much damage to herself. this is the second time? I would talk to an adult who is somewhat connected to you both. But it should be someone who you trust
2007-04-06 03:05:36 · answer #7 · answered by Kali from Cali 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regardless, some concerned adult needs to know, so that they can get her some help. Sounds like she is suffering from depression. Depression can be deadly.
If you can't tell her parents, tell her school counselor, or someone else that is a stable good adult in her family. She may get angry with you at first, but only a true friend would care enough for her to do this. She will realize it when she gets the help she needs.
2007-04-06 02:30:50 · answer #8 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Care & Attention. These r the only solutions for her. Make her feel that she's important and that people around her love her. This is very important. Another thing that u can do is try to busy her in anything. may that be any small activity like painting, reading positive literature or playing any kind of sport. If she cant play outside, then bring a Chess board home and u both can play. Believe me chess is a very good activity. It will keep her mind busy!!
2007-04-06 10:48:11 · answer #9 · answered by Maano 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your mom/dad. They'll know what they'll do. If I am one of them, I would talk to any free mental health services out there, and get her professional help.
My serious advice is: DO NOT let your feelings of guilt or breaking her trust stop you from trying get her some help. The best or even the only way you are going to be a true friend is to get her some help that she needs - not by hding this from anyone.
I hope you understand the difference between talking to people to get her help versus going out and tell people some interesting story because you want to pass time or feel special - don't feel guilty that you're breaking her secret.
I feel for your friend. I hope she gets better. I am sorry I can't do anything else for her. Only you can. And I hope you do your best.
2007-04-06 02:30:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋