why is it...?

Question

why is it that everyone thinks that a child needs both parents to grow up. for example my situation...
my husband left me and his unborn baby at 7 months for a 17 yr old girl. then instead of buying a crib, diapers and formula for his new place he bought his mistress a $250 sound system for her car. and this was just the begining of it! he lied and cheated so why in the hell would i want this dead beat piece of crap to be around my daughter when he doesn't even care about her! she has been in the world for 2 month and he has only wanted to see her 5 times. isn't it healthier for her to be with the one true parent that loves her rather than the one that is a come and go parent.

sorry for the hostility! I am passionate about this topic!

Answer 1

Few things make me want to vomit than fathers abandoning their families and their children. Personally I hope he DOES become a small part of your daughters life, so that when she's old enough she will see him for the piece of crap that he is. But whatever you do don't badmouth him and paint a negative picture of him. Just pretend the guy doesn't exist. And hopefully you will have some POSITIVE role models in her life to look up to. Also........be VERY careful with the men you date and the men you expose her to. Don't settle! Not ever! Your daughter should always come first now that you're a mom! So sorry your husband turned out to be such a piece of shittt.

Answer 2

I was in a similar situation. My first daughter's father decided that since the baby was born 3 mos early that that meant i was already pregnant when we got together (he chose not to believe that the baby was premature and wouldn't even see her in the hospital). he skipped town and told me that i lied to him and we haven't found him since. for a long time i was bitter and held the same idea that you do, but then i found my baby an even better father. We've been married four years.

The basics of it is this, children don't necessarily need both PARENTS but every child needs a father figure and a mother figure. They need those two figures to meet their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. There are some things only a mother figure can give a child and some things that only a father figure can give a child.
Not every child is born to two parents who can be those kind of figures. And sometimes the biological father or mother doesn't get the job done right. That doesn't mean there wont be another father or mother figure to take the place of the "absent" one later in life.

I know this situation isn't what you wanted, but its what you've got.
Daughters will marry men like their father figure. The best you can do is teach your daughter what kind of man she should be looking for when she's of age by finding a better one that will provide for her and love her like his own. And that means let go of your ex and move on so you can make room in your life for that man who you and your daughter do deserve.
~much love
~B

Answer 3

Hey, you know, it's not so much a big deal when they're young. But as they get older. It's nice that both parents are there. It's a proven fact. Boys that grow up w/o fathers do not have good role models to learn from. Boys can't learn everything they need to know from mama or mama's here today and gone tomorrow boyfriend.
Look, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that women who are put in that situation are at any fault at all and maybe they and the children can cope. And also the man that put them in that situation through no fault of their own should be made to pay dearly.
All I'm saying is that it's better, maybe not absolutely necessary but better.
Oh I forgot to tell you my Mom raised two boys when she got divorced from her first husband and she had me when she married my Dad. Well I grew up in a home where my Dad yelled at my Mom all the time. I didn't learn all I needed to learn from my Dad either.
That just gave me all the more incentive to love my kids with everything I got.
So, given a choice of the three (2 parents, one loving parent, one loving parent and one parent that doesn't show up). I'd say the first choice is ideal and the second choice is better than the third.
I know long winded, I 'll shut up now.

Answer 4

Yes. People think this way because that's what they are told to believe and that is what western society used to require, but it is this way no longer. Your child won't even be the odd one out at school given that single or divorced parents are a common feature of our culture. A lot of people also have the ideals of a fundamental christian and that just means they are insane. Do what you know to be best for your daughter and the opinions of others who haven't been in your shoes can be ignored. You should know by now that the majority of the population suffers from a disorder called stupidity.

Answer 5

easy: what you are talking about it a jerk, not a parent.


Sure, kids do better with two parents. PARENTS, not some jerk who pops in and out at whim like a teenager.

Find someone who wants to be a role model for your child. It doesn't have to be a romantic interest: a grandfather, an uncle, anyone! Just someone who's interested in helping provide love and attention. In the meantime, forget the jerk: he's a child, not a parent.

Answer 6

Of course, and you are that parent. Unfortunately, unless your children know who their father is, they will feel incomplete.

Now, that doesn't mean that you can't find a better father figure (say a new husband, you father, your brother, etc..) to give that child the male influence that the child needs in its life.

Let your ex suffer the consequences when the child grows up and is able to comprehend what kind of jerk he has been. Believe me, it will happen. My ex is still begging my daughter for forgiveness.

Answer 7

ok lets see if i can make this point here a mother can't teach a son how to be a man but she does teach him how to treat women and respect them she teaches her daughter how a woman is to be treated by a man if you let a man treat you like a piece of trash than chances are your children will grow up reliving the same things that they saw at home.a man can't teach a daughter how to be a woman but but she will learn how a woman is supposed to be treated from father,a son will learn how to be a man and how he is supposed to treat the women in his life. your situation proves that just because someone can be a parent dosen't mean that thay should be allowed.hopfully you will find some one who is worthy enough to teach your daughter what a real father is and she won't end up getting with a man just like dear old dad.

Answer 8

You have a right to be hostile. What a terrible, cold-hearted, shallow piece of garbage he is. He is disgusting and you are correct in thinking that your child will be much, much better off without that jerk in her life. Take comfort though... Eventually those young girls dump those older guys and he will be left with jack-sh*t. Good luck.

Answer 9

What's best for children is for them to grow up in a stable and secure two parent family. You made mistakes with who you chose to date, then you made a mistake marrying him, then for getting pregnant with him - and you knew what he was like from the very beginning. So you have to deal with these mistakes, and try to live your life now for your child. Hopefully you can do it with support of your family and friends. Don't be getting involved with another dude....

Answer 10

It's definatly healthier for your child to NOT be exposed to someone this selfish, immature, and manipulating. You don't want her picking up his habbits as she grows. You should try and find someone that cares about the both of you and has her in their best interest.