I don't normally ask, but could I get some marital advice?

Question

We've been married a long time. We've had ups and downs like everyone else, but overall it's a good marriage. But recently, things have taken a turn for the worse. My husband has been relatively healthy his whole life, but now, he's got some serious health problems. And, he's middle aged. He's the families breadwinner, and for the majority of the time, I've stayed at home, rearing the kids, being a homemaker. My health is not so great either. Recently, he's been explosive and if I ask something like I need some money to go to the grocery store, he loses it (and on other subjects too). I've considered going back to work, but not only is my health not so good, my mother lives here now, and she's got Alzheimer's. My youngest son is smart, but he's semi-disabled, and would be in charge of her if I did. And I don't think it's fair to him. Besides, when the kids were young and I did work, he'd get mad if he didn't have supper after work, etc. How can I communicate with him?

Answer 1

Girl, you need to let him get all his frustrations out. Then tell him to shut the heck up and tell him exactly how you feel. I mean if your health isnt all that great what type of work could you really do? Also, could you afford to hire in home care for your mother and child, because it wouldnt be wise to leave them alone. You need to really tell your husband that you are there by his side for anything. I know he has got to be frustrated because he has always been the bread winner, and now his health is failing. Just sit and communicate...there's no other way to do it. Yes, you guys may fuss, cuss, and even cry. You still have to come together and talk about it ALL!!! One more thing just look at your options and weigh the pros and cons.

Answer 2

This is a big problem! He can't be grumpy all the time, so when he seems in a half way decent mood-I would try to talk with him than. I hope he is seeing a good Dr. I hope he is going to be better. If not, than I would look for extra income from your mother, and disabled son. Social Security of some kind, or DSHS. Every bit would help. Can't be to proud when a person is in need. They do have lots of services out there, take advantage of them, you need the help. I hope things look up for you soon.

Answer 3

Sounds like all of you are under a rock and a hard place. We all get old and nothing ever stays the SAME. What's "fair" here is that you "both" are under stress, and as much as you don't like hearing this advice, your husband comes "first" and I will tell you WHY. If your mother has Alzheimer's, her condition will only get worse and EVENUALLY you are going to have to make the decision I am about to suggest. A nursing facility where they can attend to her needs and you can attend to YOURS. I have worked as supervisor taking caring persons in the past and KNOW the advice I am giving you is for the best for ALL of you in the end. Your mother will get her needs met, your husband will be attended to, as well as your son and as for you, you will not be under so much stress and can visit mom anytime you wish. Think about it.......

Answer 4

Try to find a work that Wu could do from home (look after a kid during work hours or sth like that). Explain to your husband that perhaps life was not a fairytale for both of you but for the sake of your children and his and yours you 've got to move in this direction. One last thing... Pray with all your heart and wait. Something will emerge out of the blue (most of the times happens to me).

Answer 5

You know he may be in depression. I know b/c I've got it too. My memory is horrible ever since I was diagnosed. I have had a horrible time at work keeping focused and even wanting to work which is not good as I'm our family's bread winner. Listen, he really sounds like he's got a Real problem. Take him to the doctor for a checkup. G/L

Answer 6

I think he is being kinda short with you, because He knows he is not fulfilling his full duties as a man. (thats his opinion probably) Men are proud. We want to be able to do everything for our women. We want to be the bread winners, and so on. Remember when U married? Wasn't it for better or worse? Richer or poorer? In eickness and in health? This is that time. It's you turn to pull though with it. Show your strnght, and commitment now. it will make yourelationshp

Answer 7

Sounds like your husband is just frustrated because he is concerrned about how the family will manage. Don't let this destroy your otherwise wonderful marriage.

You need a good , at home, job.

ANYONE OUT THERE KNOW OF A GOOD STAY AT HOME JOB????? I know there are plenty in the papers, but most of those are scams.Somebody please help this lady with that information.

Good luck to you and your family. I will remember you in my prayers.

Answer 8

The one thing that works for me is letters, it gives you time to think what you need to say, it also gives the other person time to understand, to re-read if he needs to, offer help, offer understanding, maybe he just need someone to hear him. Women have the sickness of menopause, men have something similar called andropause, but at times it hurts their ego if you mention that, so maybe you can mention that in the letter and let him know that is ok, if part of being a human. Think careful what you are going to say, take your time, words are very powerfull. Good luck!!

Answer 9

i think men measure their self worth by how well they provide, if he's always done well & had good health he probably feels like his life is out of control. what is that saying about how we always hurt the ones we love he most - i would suggest a ot of patience, look for some outside support whether it's just to talk or laugh - it will definitely shed a new light on your home life. i guess this is what "for better for worse, in sickness & in health" means.

Answer 10

Try to sit down and just have a conversation about things. Keep it light at first and then test the waters...if he blows up, then I suggest that counseling might be the next option. You need to tell him your concerns about your finances. That's what makes a marriage work, communication.