i am 36 as of today,i have been married for 19 years and we have 4 kids together.i found out 4 yaers ago my husband was cheating on me.well we lost everything inculding our home when he decided to leave.well he forgot one thing his g/f had a husband also.and her husband was not going to let her go so freely.so my husband decided to come back and work things out (i let him because i was told it was better for my kids).well he forgot to tell me his former g/f was having his baby.at this time i was so crazy with hurt i never new what was going to hit me in the face next.i have tryed for the last 4 years to get over this but he has walked off and left us 2 other times and we have lost everything 2 other times.now i am settled with my sister in her home.he says he loves me but i can not find it in my heart to love him again.too much is and has been going on.he went and changed his job to 12 hour night shifts just so he want be able to see me or the kids.i feel he is up to no good again
2007-04-05 17:29:30 · 10 answers · asked by dana 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh my. I am so so sorry that you have had to endure the torture of these circumstances. The pain must be totally uncommunicatable. I have absolutely no idea what to say to you except that you need hugs and hugs and hugs. I would be very wary. I am happy you have family nearby. Confide with her. Tell her your pain. It helps to talk about it as you are doing here. He needs to seriously show he's changed. I don't know if he can change. Is he going to be able to support 5 children? Wow, y'all need to go to counselling if the marriage is savable, if you want to save it. He's going to pay for this for a long long time, at least 18 yr.
I would first get your sister to make you a cake, put 36 candles on it and wish yourself a Happy Birthday. Life is precious as you well know. You're children are blest by your presence. Give them each a hug and be thankful that you are blest by them. Say a prayer to God for sanity in this insane situation and pray for God's peace to come to you. And find someone to share a happy time with.
I know this isn't much, but I hope it goes well with you. Take Care.
2007-04-05 17:44:29 · answer #1 · answered by bigdaddy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your husband is not interested in whats best for his family. I know what this feels like. My father did the same thing to my Mother when I was young only the woman he cheated with had no husband, so he left us and had a new baby with her and a family. A man who loves you and your children would do anything in his power to make this work since he was the one who was wrong. I think you should stay settled with your sister for a while if it is a good situation there. Kids get messed up when they go through things like this and they don't have stability. They will grow up to resent the fact that you allowed him to continue over and over again to do this to you. You don't want your children to think this is the way you treat your wife and your children. Even if you are so in love if this guy is making you and your babies lose everything at times hes no good. I think you should focus on you and realize that you are more valuable of a person than this and that you and your kids deserve better treatment. You give him an ultimatum tell him you can't take this anymore and he needs to prove to you that he is committed to working this out for your family's sake. If all else fails forget about him and only communicate with him about the kids. Trust me you'll thank yourself later for putting your kids first.
2007-04-06 00:40:46 · answer #2 · answered by Jolene R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once a cheater--always a cheater ( at least 99% of the time).
KIck him to the curb. He is a loser. Find you a nice gentleman, that will love you and your children--one that will provide for you and not cheat. Don't trust him again. Tell him that if he wants to see the children, that is fine, but you are not part of the deal!!
You are only 36 years old. Do you have any idea how much fun you could be having if you detach yourself from this idiot?
Don't waste anymore of your precious life on him. Go for the gusto!!
2007-04-06 00:39:05 · answer #3 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say your settled with your sister and you know he has cheated on you and is or has had a baby with another woman, and you feel he is up to no good again so why would you even consider letting him back into your life...It is not good for your kids to see your pain and hurt it is good for your kids to be in a stable environment and watch you heal and move on with your life.......If he did it once shame on him if you let him do it a second time and took him back shame on you...........You don't need to lose anything ever again if you and your family remain where you are until you can get things together and then move with them alone without your husband because he seems to be on self destruct and wants to take you and your children down with him.......Good luck and keep smiling ........You should pray that God gives you the strenght to get through this trying time and that he helps you to grow and move on with your life....
2007-04-06 01:20:43 · answer #4 · answered by shortieperez1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look up straight up your life and keep walking. This kind of people looks at a marriage as a safe harbor. Every time they feel sth is going wrong... they invest a little bit of time and the get into the safety. Whenever they feel like they need adventure e.c.t., they leave. Well you are 36 and a mother of 4 clock is ticking and (on my point of view) get out of it, stay out of it before sth worse happens. Its gonna hurt at the beginning but I promise you this will be the last time you have been hurt by him. Finally, who said that such a relationship is best for the kids? Believe me they see and they know and they are not going to stand it endlessly...
2007-04-06 01:06:56 · answer #5 · answered by FAST HAT 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im sori to say that he is not fit to be called a husband. he hurt u over n over again. I guess he jus wan sympathy from u. i understand no 1 will ever trust their partner again after this things happened. Right now your kids r your pilliars of strength. Move on.U given few chances to him but he didnt cherish it. Your last sentence tells eveything..."he up to no good again". U r a strong woman..i no that, the way u going thru it..u will survive. All the best n take care.. :)
2007-04-06 00:47:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget about him...You don't need that in your life, It's only going to make things worse and open that wound again. Because if did get back together he might just get the temptation to cheat again. Find someone who will love you faithfully and someone who can make you feel happy and satisfied.
2007-04-06 00:53:12 · answer #7 · answered by cool cat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whom ever told you it was better for the kids to stay with a lying, cheating guy, was out of their mind. I mean, he is their father, their role model, and he's teaching them that men/husbands cheat. And by taking him back repeatedly, you are teaching them that you agree with his behavior, that it's ok for him to betray you.
Look into state programs in your area to get on your feet. Look into some counseling either through your doctor, a church or in the white pages of your telephone book under 'County of' and then under Mental Health. They usually offer counseling on a sliding scale.
Here's a betrayed spouse support board that you might want to check out:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rladultery
PS Happy Birthday
2007-04-06 00:38:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Always remember - Life is to short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truely, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile!
2007-04-06 00:45:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You would be better off if he wasn't in your life.
2007-04-06 00:37:53 · answer #10 · answered by MJ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋