Here is one verse:
I descended from you
and that i, comprehended
the feeling
that I wasn't needed anymore
indeed i wanted to be your lover
to stand besides you
to just look into your eyes
but now i can only....
visualize
I am only 13 years old and i just want to know what you honestly think of my song. What more do I need to work on? Any advice is wellcome.
2007-04-05 15:01:30 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Music
oops, welcome.
2007-04-05 15:12:22 · update #1
uh... let me guess your being dumped for the first time, give it more of your feelings and talk about other related subjects,
i miss you, i love you , i was in love etc. yeah well it has some potential ! if i'd need help writting stuff ill give you a buzz :P
2007-04-05 15:11:32 · answer #1 · answered by Black_Sabbath 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good verse....what do you think of mine?
I’ll Just Be Myself Tonight
In the past I’ve been known to force the action
To try and get in a little quick satisfaction
But you’re so different, girl, so much more than appetite
I think that I’ll just be myself tonight
In days of old I would screen and analyze
Then mysteriously I would don my disguise
Never to return by the warmth of new light
I want more, so I want to be myself tonight
What is there to gain?
With love in disdain,
One seed of grain
Bears gift with the rain.
Life is so plain
When love can’t remain.
Distributing pain -
But never again.
No more will I live under dark pretensions
With layers of charm wrapped around false intentions
I see the right and wrong of love, and I’ll do it right
Finally seeing myself, being myself tonight
2007-04-05 22:05:38 · answer #2 · answered by Your Uncle Dodge! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty good but I can't really know until you set it up with rhythm and some melody. Just finish it and you could have a pretty good song.
2007-04-05 22:12:03 · answer #3 · answered by Sam K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um doesn't "descended from" mean related to? Exactly who were you wanting to be your lover because it doesn't come off good! Besides,13 yr olds do not need to be lovers!!
2007-04-05 22:05:33 · answer #4 · answered by SallySunshine 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the song is pretty good I actually like it you just need to finish the whole song work on the spelling since you don't spell welcome with two l's and just make it a rock song that is all you need, good luck with your song I hope it makes you really famous one day.
2007-04-05 22:04:56 · answer #5 · answered by AnimeLover4444 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I thought it was pretty cliche, there's nothing special about your lyrics. It reads very plain and overrated. Well, that's just my two cents.
2007-04-05 23:27:23 · answer #6 · answered by shih rips 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What genre is it? I think it is ok, but needs a little work.
2007-04-05 22:05:15 · answer #7 · answered by soddyflipflop 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
honestly, i dont get it. nad we need to know the rythem
2007-04-05 22:04:30 · answer #8 · answered by RenLeighann :] 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋