Have you ever felt that you were more capable than others around you but were held back because you were gay?

Question

Have you ever felt that what is said to your face is what's not felt in the heart but since it was company policy they said one thing but did another? Ever felt left back because of your orientation even before you were adult and out?

I did, to an extent. I have been told that I've surprised people, they didn't think I had it in me. Is that sterotype? Or is that just my experience?

Good evening Ms Tisdale, I hope you are well. Where did that come from? I mean you no harm. All I want to do is cooperate. I hope you understand.

Answer 1

Yes, it happens to me. We've come a long way, but it's a tough road ahead.

Answer 2

It is, unfortunately, more likely a sign of incompetence. I read a study that was done on this which revealed that those who have lower competence always have more faith in their abilities than is warranted by their peformance, until their abilities reach about the 80/90th percentile when their perceived abilities match closely their actual competence. Above that, they perceive their abilities to be less than their actual competence.

As far as blaming your lack of achievement on the label you wear, that's often a convenient excuse for not paying attention to your own development. Doesn't matter if you're gay, a woman or a member of a racial minority. I know a woman who belonged to Mensa but dropped out because she got tired of hearing how highly intelligent people were discriminated against by people envious of their brainpower. So the best thing you can do is get off the victim bandwagon.

Answer 3

Nah, there's many successful gay men. However sexuality shouldn't be the foremost feature of an individual in a company. Much like heterosexuality shouldn't. Sexuality shouldn't be brought into most professional settings, it should not be an issue.

What one does on his own time doesn't matter so long as the work gets done.

As for people saying they didn't think you had it in you, that sounds more like another way of saying "good job." I don't think it's a way of saying "wow, your gayness didn't affect your work."

Answer 4

I have not had that experience. I have done very well in my work. I am the only out gay person where I work-- and I have earned a sort of weird status by being so brazen and proud. I
But we are a small non-profit with 25 employees. We know each other's kids and pets. We carpool. We argue. We eat together.

Answer 5

I've had mostly the opposite happen ... I've been promoted because I was gay. I've been on committees, councils, boards, etc. Typically, I always felt that I wasn't necessarily qualified but they liked me to such a great extent that they did whatever they had to to keep me on. It can be about charm & confidence.

Answer 6

Fortunately no. I worked with my partner at an office and only ever heard one snide remark. Looking back I rather think we had an angel looking out for us in the person of our Branch Manager MISS FIONA ARGYLE.
Best wishes, Rose P.

Answer 7

It did when I first started working in my industry, but I feel like being bi is considered a neutral trait now.

But I will soon be going into interior decorating, and I worry that my being a woman-loving-woman--not a gay man or straight woman--will hold me back.

Answer 8

I've been very fortunate to not have experienced what you describe. Perhaps it's the industries in which I've worked that were more "gay friendly." That doesn't mean I haven't experienced harassment or homophobia...just very few instances. And yes...I stood up to those people...and gained their support.

Answer 9

Heavens, Yes! All the time.

Answer 10

Actually, I have never experienced anything like that. I guess I have been lucky so far!