guy wants to forget about his first child and start a new family?

Question

He is my best friends boyfriend, and he had a lot of trama in his relationship with his ex, and he lives 5 hours away from his son. he hasnt seen him he says in a couple years. He is telling my friend he doesnt want to see him anymore, and he wants to start a new life with her. I am worried for her, because she seems to be falling for this guy. He seems really nice otherwise, but this issue with his son is worrying me. Do you guys think i have anything to be worried about. He does pay child support.

Answer 1

Let this be a RED FLAG to you !!!! This guy has a child that he has not seen in a couple of years and he so easlily forget about the child that he fathered ? It doesnt matter that he is paying child support !!!! It takes more than a child support check !!

How would you feel if you had a child of his and he did this to you and your little one ? Just forget your friend and the child like he did the other girl and his child ?

It doesnt matter that he is 5 hours away from his child !!! Miles dont matter when it comes to a child !! That is just a excuse !! The truth of the matter is he dont want a relationship with this child !! He dont care !! I would walk through hell and back if for my children and they are grown now.

I am certainley not trying to be mean in any way shape or form
and with all due respect. This guy is bad news !!!

He needs to step up to the plate take responsibilty !!!!!
I would sure hate to see your friend hurt by this jerk !!!
You need to be worried about your friend !! I would be worried too !!

I am going to give you a example: Same thing happened to me when I was 17 ( the only difference is that he ran off and left me when he found out I was preganant ) same thing I suppose he was just a little more crafty with his.

To make a long story short he eneded up doing this to 3 other girls !!!! My son and the other girls baby was born within 4 months of each other the 3rd girl came in about 6 months later. He did the same thing to each and every one of us !! While all along told the "quote" Trama story to each and every one of us. How he had been screwed over and how bad things was, when the truth of the matter was he was the master of manipulation !!!! Telling what he wanted you to know to get what he wanted !!

Also, the impact of the what this will do to a child !! Believe me it is no fun to have to try and explain this to your child.
And by belittleing the other party will not help !!!

I have travel this road, my son is 30 years old now ( I know I must sound like I am really old to you ) I thank God that I was able to nuture, love and guide this child through his life and he is now very succesful, but it was not easy.

This guy has started a pattern...he is to easy to walk away from his own child, his own flesh and blood. and responsibility ! Almost like kicking a dirty diaper to the curb !!!

Yes be worried about your friend !!!! Cause he will do this again, again and again.

The only saving grace is is family and friends she will need moral support from all of you !!

Tell here not to Listen to his smooth talking, and I am sure that he is a smooth talker !! Tell her not to listen to his lies, and he will lie !!

Please talk to your friend, she needs you now !! I am afraid she will be sorry if she becomes involved with this jerk !!

I really didnt mean to write a novel here, but its a good darn thing this jerk isnt my kid, cause I wound yank him up so fast that it would make his head spin !! ( sorry the mother coming out in me ) And its a good darn thing he didnt do that to my daughter and grand child, cause there would be hell to pay !!

Answer 2

If you take is past behavior into account, the future doesn't look so good. That poor son. He's going to grow up feeling like his Daddy doesn't love him & will have this empty void. I know that I would never move 5 hours away to keep me away from my child. This guy may want to start a new life with your friend, but that doesn't mean that when it gets tough he won't leave her & the child/children behind & forget about them, like he did with his previous relationship.

Dr. Phil says something along the lines of - "A predictor of future behavior is a look at the past behavior."

Answer 3

Yes you have aright to be concerned. He needs to be there emotional for his son not just pay support. His son needs his father in his life and will feel abanoned by his dad and this is wrong. He helped create this child and he needs to act like a man. I would never marry a man who could deny his own flesh and blood. You can't start a new family and leave one behind that is just sick and if she goes for it she is no better than he is. A mom that has been there

Answer 4

I think that sometimes the ex girl gives the guy soo much grief that he feels this is the only way out
pay the support and be done with it

I feel that if your friend and him ended up in marriage/long relationship, that she will eventually know the exact circumstances, and she will understand better .

She and him can decide later and together if this is permanent or if this could lead to him having visitation/custody/ or any part in his/her life later on

Answer 5

You're right to be worried. It would raise a red flag with me. But if your best friend can't see this because of her run-away heart for this guy, then there's really not much you can do to get her to see things for what they are. Confronting her with something she doesn't want to see, (like this guy may be a "love 'em and leave 'em" type who fears responsibility and commitment), will only serve to drive a wedge between you and her.

Answer 6

Hey girl, if you ask me this guy is a loser - people like him make me sick there are plenty of people who have relationship breakdowns and guy that walk away from their children make it harder for those fighting for good rights of access to the sons and daughters that they Love. What's to say he won't do exactly the same to your friend - my advice would be to say that if he aint gonna play a part in his sons life first then he aint welcome. She needs to be certain that she aint gonna be left holding the baby when He fcuks off with the next piece of available totty.