Why is my husband refusing to tell me anything?

Question

For the past 3 weeks my husband has been going out on the weekends and not coming home. He told me last week that he had an affair on me 2 years ago. He has been keeping things from me. I found a recepit where he bought our son some clothes while he was out of town, I counted all of the things that he got for our son but noticed there was extra things and they were little girl clothes. We dont have any girls. He told me he got them for somebody who gave him his money back. He refuses to tell me who that person is.When my husband didnt come home I called him around 100 times after finding he had a extra phone line. He refused to tell me who he got the phone for. Also I asked him where he was that night and he refused to tell me. Now its Easter weekend and he is going out of town and isnt giving me any details. I want to know who he had an affair with and why. I want to know everything! Do I derserve to know? I feel like know whats going on will give me closure and he wont do it. Why?

Answer 1

It is clear he has someone else and should be man enough to tell you. Right now he may not want you to know in case it doesn't work out with her, that way he still has you..Although after you finding all this he should know you won't tolerate it. Does he go out ot town on business? If it was my husband if he left out of town without telling me where he was going, I would have his clothes packed and waiting for him. You need closure and he needs to come clean. Anyway you could follow him sometimes, or even call the cell phone company to see what the number is on the new phone, anything so that you can have some peace. Wondering is worst than knowing. I would rather know the truth than let my imagination run away with me.

Answer 2

Follow his a** and see where he's spending his time, if you cannot afford to hire an investigator, than do your own investigation. Plant a automatic voice recorder in his car, get the cell phone bill and check and see if there is a number that comes up alot on the bill that you don't recognize and get the address to the number, borrow someone's car that your husband don't recognize and follow him. It seem's to me that there is something shady going on, he maybe cheating and have another child you don't know about or he's taking care of another woman's child, and if you call the woman and she doesn't give you any details or seem surprised, than she already know about you. Better yet just file for divorce and leave his a** and take him for child support, get rid of the headache, because if there is a child he bore with another woman, you have every right to know about it, you being the wife, the one he vowed before God to be faithful to and to take care of, and promised to love forever, you deserve better, you deserve the truth, He isn't trying to spare your feelings he's trying to cover his a**. If he was trying to spare your feelings he would have came to you and told you the truth, he wouldn't be sneaking behind your back hiding s**t. If he has another woman and child on the side than he wasn't considering your feelings, what if he would have came back and gave you an s.t.d., or worse AIDS. You don't need all this drama, get out of this relationship fast and don't look back, do it for your sanity and your child's well being. Good luck I hope for the best.

Answer 3

It sounds like he may have another life, in another city.. with another family. I'm sorry, I am sure that hurts to hear.. but I can't imagine anything else he could possibly be doing, given all the details you've mentioned. It really sounds like he's got another family, one that he does not want you to know anything about.

I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be to go through what you are going through with him. I'm so sorry.. I'm not one to ever tell people to just "get a divorce" but if it's true, and he really is living a double life, having another family and everything.. You owe it not only to yourself, but for your son as well, to leave him. Neither of you deserve to be disrespected in that way. It's not right, and nobody should put up with that kind of behavior.

Also, I must say.. If he is living another life with another woman, and a child.. chances are, they have no idea about you and your son. That seems to usually be how that works, everyone is decieved.. It's not right. But it does need to be stopped, right now. You can't really make him stop whatever he's doing.. but you can decide that enough is enough, and move on.

You and your son both deserve better.

Answer 4

I think he just may be trying to protect you from knowing whats really going on. I also think he is most likely still being unfaithful, and its time to move on. If the affair happened two years ago, he may have another baby out there somewhere, and he just cant find the heart to tell you just how bad he screwed up, and just goes taking off on the weekends like that to see the other baby, there is nothing wrong with him trying to be there for both his kids. Try talking to him calmly, and let him know that you are over the fact he cheated two years ago, and are just trying to understand his behavior. Dont push the issue because it will only make it worse, but let him know he can tell you anything, and do not yell at him when he does finally open up because you dont like what you may hear. He needs you to try, and be supportive, and calm. He dont want to hurt you if he isnt telling you anything, and he also is trying to avoid an agruement. Be nice, and you will get better results. Once you get the info out of him all you need to know is that hes not still sleeping with anyone else, and just dissapearing because hes spending time with his other kid. The other phone would make since him getting if he is trying to be there for the other kid if he has any, its a way to garantee he can get in touch with whoever this person he has the kid with when he wants to see the kid. If you feel like its too much then move on, if hes still sleeping with anyone else move on, you can do better. If its really just him owning up to his responsibilities then support him, even if it may be hard, your his wife you have to try, and be there for him as long as hes not doing you wrong anymore. He may not want to loose you, and dont know if you will believe that it was just that once.. dont just jump to hes still cheating because if there is a kid that will explain the dissapearing acts. Just back off a little, and make sure he understands when hes ready to talk your there to listen, and you are not going to fight with him about all of this, you just are worried about him, and love him, and want to talk about it. hope things work out for you.

Answer 5

How will knowing who he had the affair with 2 years ago help? Do you think you will feel better when you know she was "older/younger" "uglier/prettier" "thinner/fatter", etc., etc.
It also won't help to know who he is having his current affair with.
He's having an affair.
Can you deal with that?
If yes fine, do your own thing too. If not, start planning how you want to deal with moving on with your life.
Closure is very far away... you have numerous emotions to go through, your currently in denial. There are 7 stages of "grief" that you go through before you get to "closure".
You won't get closure from anything he has to say....it comes from within you.

Answer 6

Wow this one isn't hard to figure out. He isn't telling you thing because he doesn't want you to know.

A rock on Mars knows this guy is cheating on you, the fact that he cheated on you in the past meant that you felt it was ok for him to do in the future.

However he doesn't have to tell you, you don't deserve to know. It's not his job or duty to give you "closure", that is your job. Guys don't even know what that is, it's a female thing to them.

You can ask, but that doesn't mean he has to tell you. Just kick him to the curb and don't look back. Anything else is just a waste of effort.

Answer 7

okay I am very sorry about what you are going though but you need to stand up for yourself and not take him walking all over you. You don't need him to give you answers for closure you are just dragging it out because you hope your wrong. I think if you start not taking being the other women it may take a while but you will start to gain your self confidence back good luck

Answer 8

He is cheating on you. What you need o do now is plan. What I mean is get money together, organize things, interview potential lawyers, if you're not working, start looking. By cheating, he's made a mockery of your marriage, you deserve better. Remember, doing well is the best revenge!

Answer 9

Of course you deserve to know.. It sounds like he has another family or another daughter? He wants to keep this from you. He sounds very secretive. You should realize that he will probably cheat again, especially if he is acting like that. Serve him with papers before he can! If he's not willing to give you details then your marraige isn't working because there's no trust. It'd tough.

Answer 10

Yes, you deserve to know. You may not find out hte way you should - by just asking him. He's gone to great lengths already to hide things from you. I would ask him to leave and start enjoying life. He will probably come crawling back then you can decide what to do from then.