what should i do about my pregnant girlfriend?

Question

i love her and want to spend the rest of our lives together. the problem: she is into some nutty eastern deepak chopra thing and is vegetarian.this is fine by me, i can accept it. she will not or cannot accept that i am not into that.i am willing to stop eating meat, provided my body chemistry will support a vegetarian diet. the hindu thing though- not for me.she wont consider abortion, and i dont want that either.but if she refuses to accept our differences and just wants me to pay for her to raise the child absolutely as she sees fit, then i dont want to be involved at all,financially or emotionally.

i am not considering abortion. i want to be a father and partner. the issue is that she wants to raise a vegetarian cult member without me having any input. i would rather allow the child to choose a faith later in life. and if i am not to have any say in the raising of the child, then i dont want to stand by and see the child brainwashed and malnourished ( and bankroll it)

Answer 1

People are reading this question WRONG. HE didn't say he wanted her to get an abortion he said he DIDN'T want her to.

and he didn't say he DIDN'T want to pay for the kid he said he wouldn't want to if she doesn't let him raise it too. (worded different of course)

I can see what he means it wouldn't be fair if he was the one paying for everything if he has no say into how the child is raised its not fair the father has rights too and should be able to raise his child too. I think you should talk to her and come to an agreement that the child can choose what to believe when they are old enough. until then let them eat meat if they want to and if they don't want to don't force them. But just try talking it out. maybe its hard for you to talk then you should talk to a friend or someone you trust first and have them with you in case you have trouble explaining what you mean.

I hope all works out.

Answer 2

I can understand not wanting to participate in all that she believes in. I would think both of you had some understanding of who the other one was before she conceived the baby, and you should not be forced to convert entirely to her world any more than she should be forced to convert entirely to yours. This is where compromise should come into play: It is too late to go back on the having a baby, as she is already pregnant. Now the thing to do would be to make the best of the situation however it plays out. I'm assuming you two could accept each other's differences pre-pregnancy, so why would you be unable to now? Yes, raising a child together requires some cooperation between two parents, and both people tend to have their own ideas about how it should be done. However, the priority here is the baby. Think about what is good for the baby. If you two cannot work it out, it is still your child. You have no choice but to be involved financially, that is a legal process that you will not get to choose to opt out of. However, with financial support of a child should also come your own rights as the child's father to have a say so in their upbringing, to maintain communication and visitation with your child should you choose to do so. And if you really feel so strongly about her beliefs and not wanting a child raised solely with those beliefs, then how could you turn around and say you don't want any involvement at all? That is your chance to bring another perspective into the child's life other than the one you don't entirely agree with. It should be equally important to both of you to bring the values that are most important to you to your child.
Hopefully you can work it out between you two to where you can stay together and compromise. However, if you cannot, don't bow out of your child's life unless you have no desire to be a father. If you haven't got the desire, and don't intend to be a good father, then by all means you should step out of the picture. However, if you care for your child, let them into both of your world's. It can only broaden their minds and horizons as they grow, right?

Answer 3

you sound like a stand up dude, cheers 2 u.
unfortunately for her, it took both of you to make that child and you have as many rights to raising that child as she does.

i dont know about making the relationship work, that will take work from both of you, but as far as you being a father tell her you will be there to support her during her pregnancy and you WILL be a father to your child so some compromises MUST be made because you are NOT GOING ANYWHERE. I wont lie to you this may take some legal action but there is no way a woman has any right to keep her child from a decent man who pays support.

Answer 4

A little too late on that, forget the fact that you don't want to be involved financially, this is a case of you play you pay. That is your child shes carrying and your son or daughter will need a daddy to help him or her grow. Your wants ended when sperm met egg and now the most important thing is the well being of the little one. So the court, not you, will determine how much you pay for your child. If you choose to ignore the child because of the mothers religion, well, that's a poor option but there are no laws that demand you be a parent, but there are quite a few laws that demand that you pay your fair share.

Answer 5

Unfortunetly, your too late to say you dont want to be involved. You got her pregnant. it wasn't herr fault. Now, dont think i am choosing sides or anything.Becasue i dont understand why she would want to change you? Try confronting her. tell her how you feel. tell her that you love her and you want to spend the rest of your life with her.I think that deepak chopra is some sort of meditating. why in the world do you have to do that? Again tell her that you want to help raise this child with her. but inform her that there are some ways to combine your ideas of raising a child.Dont let her have all the control. this is your kid too. I wish you too the most of luck. and i am shure that you will be able to work this out.

Answer 6

This is a tough one.

As a couple, BOTH should accept each other's differences with open arms and minds. One should not convert for the other just because they demand so.

Your girlfriend seems to be a bit fanatic about her position on her religious beliefs.

She cannot force you to pay for the child, although you should. It sounds like a judge would be best to sort this one out, and it is probably what it would take. The child should benefit from both the mother and the father's beliefs.

Answer 7

Look, she is already pregnant, so please don't take it out on the baby if you can't get along with her. And if it comes down to just paying child support, YOU too will have the right to raise your child the way you see fit. And--anyway--- it doesn't always work out so easy as merely indoctrinating children---my eldest is a vegetarian and has her OWN free-thinking on other matters, no matter how much "Catholic" I tried to put in her head! You are bringing an INDIVIDUAL into the world---don't deprive yourself of this crucial lesson in acceptance and love. Good luck.

Answer 8

The choice to marry the mother is a related, but separate matter than to be actively involved in your child's life.

You can seek to have equal time caring for the child, therefore, 1/2 the say in how the child is raised.

The opportunity to back out of the parenting/financial support for this child was gone at the time of conception. Make adult decisions, live with adult consequences.

Just my opinion, but I hope you have the chance to be the sole parent of your child. (I know a young father doing that, and he is doing a great job with an excellent relationship with his son)

Answer 9

Well depends on who has custody of child. If you where to get joint custody then you have a say in how the child is raised. If she gets sole custody then you don't. As for financial responsibility you are stuck with that regardless of whether you get say in how the child is raised or not. Perhaps you should have discussed how your differences would affect you before you got into this situation. Now that your in it you need to discuss it and come to an agreement otherwise the courts will make that decision for you.

Answer 10

The decision to pay for the child was made the minute she became pregnant. The child is yours. This information you shared should have been thought about before the child was on the way. Can't blame you for not wanting to take on a strange religion. One of your smarter decisions. Good Luck