I am very worried about my bi-polar friend. She's been hospitalized twice in the last 5 months. She doesn't have family that can help her out. She can't hold down a job because she's agoraphobic (afraid to leave her home). I got her to on Social Security Disability so she wouldn't lose the home she bought before she "lost her mind". I have control of her bank account and have all her bills and mortgage statement sent to me, so that I can make sure they get paid. The problem is, after her mortgage and common charges are paid, there is hardly anything left for utilites, food and other living expenses. I tried to get her to apply for welfare and food stamps, but she was declined because she owns property and because of the amount of money she gets from Social Security. Sometimes, I add money into her account to cover her bills - but I really can't afford to keep doing this. She still needs more money. What can I do? I've called churches, but they said "we do not give hand outs!" Ideas?
2007-04-05 10:59:19 · 6 answers · asked by f w 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Not enough room to give all the details above. The problem with her, is most of the time, she just can't function. Once in a while, she has a good day and seems like a normal person, but it's really rare. I do have her hooked up with a local mental facility that she goes to once a month to get her medication, and I got her on Medicaid, but I don't know what to do with her other living expenses. She REFUSES to sell her home! She goes into a rage when I bring it up and starts crying because she says it's the only place she feels safe. So, until she recovers (or IF she recovers) I think it's for the best to keep her in the home she loves so much. She lives in CONNECTICUT. I hooked her up with a charity there called Person to person for cloths and food - but because she's single, the amount of food they give her isn't enough to last the entire month. I hooked her up with help for heat - but that's only for the winter - what can I do with her utilities for the rest of the year?
2007-04-05 10:59:40 · update #1
The reason I am doing this is because she has no family and can't do all this by herself. If I didn't do all this - she's be homeless. I have exhaused every source of help that is out there in Connecticut that I can think of - is there anyone out there that can help me think of ways to get her money to cover utilities, toilet paper, tampons, toothpaste, shampoo and food? Again, the food bank doesn't supply enough food for the entire month, and they don't provide toilet paper, shampoo and other basic hygene products. PLEASE - I need ideas, suggestions.
I'm not a relative so I can't go to the courts - and I've tried to talk with her social worker at the mental health crisis center - but the won't talk with me for confidentiality reasons. I'm all out of ideas! I don't have "power or atty" - she just handed over her bank account to me because she "can't deal with it". Her other friends aren't financially able to help - and I can't afford to subsidize her leftover expenses. HELP!
2007-04-05 11:00:33 · update #2
Guys, please be nice. This woman is NOT a dead beat. She's very sick. She's struggled with her illness for a long time and was an executive assistant for 17 years. She used to work 12-16 hours a day for years in an extremely high pressured envoinment before she had her breakdown. I think the long hours she used to work, plus losing her jobs at corporations that had financial problems is partly to blame with her breakdown. That's how she was able to buy a home - back when she was working. But all her all of her savings and 401K went as a down payment on her home - so there are no savings left - its completely dried up. Remember - some people with her illness/disabilty NEVER work - she did for almost 2 decades. Cut her some slack. This could happen to anyone, even you and would you want people to be unsympathtic to you if you got sick and couldn't work anymore? Be humane please.
2007-04-05 11:00:52 · update #3
You can go to court to be appointed her guardian or conservator or both (guardianship of the person and estate). You don't have to be related.
You are very brave and kind and generous to take on this responsibility. You seem to have done most of what can be done. For food, you can try a local or area food bank.
You have found the reason I no longer support or belong to "organized religions."
If there is a United Way or Community Action Council or similar entity around, be sure to try them. Fuel assistance may still be available, but if she does not qualify because she makes too much SSDI and/or SSI, there may not be much you can do. Some towns and cities set aside money to help, but it is often gone by this time, and it is not intended as a monthly contribution.
Talk to her therapist. If the therapist can't disclose anything to you, at least you can let the therapist know what's going on in her life.
I don't know CT resources all that well, but check out all the agencies you can. They often have web sites with useful info. And don't be afraid to reach out to support groups for the mentally ill - they've been there and done that!
2007-04-05 11:13:31 · answer #1 · answered by thylawyer 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'd love to be able to help, but I am at a loss. Sorry for the situation you have found yourself in, but you are being a great friend!
I wonder if you've researched or tried to get power of attorney? Her social worker should at least be able to help you do that - maybe have her declared mentally incompetent? What a sore situation.
But other than that, I can only think to tell you that you can't carry the weight of this. You can only do so much - and it sounds like you've done plenty. Don't be hard on yourself. Maybe the one thing she really needs is to feel the strain of losing the one place she feels safe. I know that is harsh, but right now she has you doing all the worrying. Mentally unstable is one thing, but she has to somehow get back in touch with reality if she ever wants to get better.
My prayers are with you...
2007-04-05 11:08:46 · answer #2 · answered by aminwiththeoutcrowd 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't really have any advice for you in Connecticut, but I admire what you are doing for your friend.. My mother is very bi-polar and had attempted suicide several times, this takes a toll on any normal person... It is very hard to deal with and or take care of a person in that condition. So I just want to say, I commend you for what you have done and for reaching further for help for your friend.... God bless you and yours. I hope you can find the information you need here for your friend to carry on!
2007-04-05 11:07:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunately in most government systems they don't see justification to help someone that owns property. She has to default on the morgage, go bankrupt and be living in public housing in order for her to get all the benefits to feed, clothe herself, etc. The best suggestion I can offer is to try to get her set up so that she can work at home. I work for a non profit organization that helps out people with severe mental illnesses. Please message me from my profile if you have any additional questions.
2007-04-05 11:19:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
the main issue is her refusal to seel the abode. surely, that could desire to help lots. in line with probability she could desire to sell it to somebody (you?) and then hire it lower back. After that i could recommend attempting to diminish lower back on issues which at the instant are not needs (cable television, cyber web service, and so on). foodstuff banks can help out and a few states furnish decreased application fees for those on fastened earning. Inquire on the equivalent of a community action place of work.
2016-10-02 05:53:13 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u can try to get ssi but that takes a while to get at least a mouth or 2
2007-04-05 11:03:04 · answer #6 · answered by honey3533 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋