and totally out of character. He told that if I wanted to sleep with another man or have sex with another man it was OK, so long as I didn't love him. We've been together a long time, and this is completely out of the blue for him. Before, if another man so much as looked at me a little too long he was ready for a fight. What do you make of this?
2007-04-05 10:22:18 · 48 answers · asked by Amy V 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Amy, This is weird. To me it sounds like he wants to be able to do that with another women or he is testing you to see what you would say? I would be really confused and kind of hurt.
2007-04-05 10:25:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 9⤊ 0⤋
He wants to act on some secret long-standing fantasy of his. Maybe he wants to watch, or maybe just knowing about it will fulfill his need. Or maybe he envisions a lifestyle where he will have the same privilege. He's probably been afraid to mention it before now, because of your possible reaction. And you did not indicate what your reaction was.
If you are considering it, just be aware that many things like this that many married couples try in order to save or strengthen (ie. spice-up) the relationship turn out very wrong in the long run. It may seem hot, fun and harmless, but the longer-term emotional implications can be very hard to deal with. I've never been married, but I've been the "third wheel" in these types of things and it rarely works out for the couple.
I'm not saying "don't"... I'm saying be very careful and don't rush into it without deep thought. Rely on your conscience, which is probably sending up red flags.
2007-04-05 10:33:42 · answer #2 · answered by Kia A 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never heard a woman say such a thing (although I'm sure there are some who are of a similar mentality). However, this would be fine coming from someone who is dating or in a less than committed relationship.
Perhaps your husband is feeling bored himself and would like to explore and wants to know how you feel about it. If I were you, I would have an open and honest conversation.
Don't even reference the comment he made. Just ask if he is being fulflled. Ask if he has fantasies and desires that are not being met. Ask him if there is anything you can do to make him happier.
If he has already decided to cheat, there is nothing you can do to stop him. Just make sure he knows how much you love him and how much you want him to be happy and fulfilled, emotionally and sexually.
2007-04-05 11:07:57 · answer #3 · answered by OSA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's setting the stage for an open marriage. He either has someone on the side already, or he has someone picked out.
How do you feel about that? Most don't find the open marriage lifestyle acceptable.
Take a hard look at your husband, your marriage, and you life. Things are about to get very interesting. He just opened a door, and something (like it or not) is coming through it.
2007-04-05 10:39:27 · answer #4 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my, I suggest you get a lawyer. I swear this is true: a friend of mine was married to a very controlling husband. He would give her a hard time about going out with me (I was single at the time), about the way she dressed, etc. He wasn't abusive, just very pushy when it came to her. He would also try to knock a guy out if a he looked at her, talked to her, etc. One day, we are all sitting at the table playing cards and he says (out of the blue) that he and a friend were talking and he decided that if she wanted to have sex outside their marriage as long as she used protection and didn't fall in love, he would understand and take her back. Twelve days later she got a letter at work stuck to her windshield from a woman he had been seeing and she was having his child. Good luck!
2007-04-05 10:56:26 · answer #5 · answered by itsjustme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is strange. I think you should have a long talk with him about this. When you say out of the blue obviously this isn't the normal. Of course most people would think he was cheating or wanting too. But don't jump to conclusions, even though it is strange. It could be midlife crisis or maybe testing you. Have the talk!
2007-04-05 10:31:12 · answer #6 · answered by Ann N 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is excited by the idea of you with another man and wants to watch or make it a 3 some. That sounds like fun to me too.
2007-04-06 02:54:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK....I'm a Guy....Sorry for butting in here, but, Why don't you ask him instead making something out of what could be nothing.
I think he just wanted to see what your reaction was going to be. We're GUYS and sometimes we say STUPID things.
If he was, or is cheating, he would stay so far away from the subject it's not even funny.
The ONLY fights I've had with my wife were caused from poor communication between the two of us. ASK HIM!!
(We now return you to your regular program)
2007-04-05 10:56:10 · answer #8 · answered by Mr. KnowItAll 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he's afraid he's not satifying you enough, and is worried you may look somewheres else for it. And so he's giving you the option to do so, just to test you. And if you act totally took back by it, he may get a new confidence in the two of you. HAve you said anyhting to make him feel this way? I hope I can help in anyway. If you want to talk, you can IM me or email me, both available on my profile. I may be able to help, ive been on many sides of this issue.
2007-04-05 10:40:56 · answer #9 · answered by moostang67 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you said ladies only but I can't keep from putting in my two cents. Perhaps he is suggesting that it is okay for you to have sex with another man because he wants to feel justified in having sex with another woman without having to feel the guilt of cheating on you. Alternatively, maybe it is his way of broaching the subject of swinging.
2007-04-05 10:27:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think there are really two answers to this:
One might be that he feels guilty for something that he did.
But since you said that this is "out of character" for him it could also be that since you have been together for a long time maybe he might be seeking some excitement in your relationship.
2007-04-05 10:44:53 · answer #11 · answered by judysa13 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋