Future Mother In law problems? here is my problem.......?

Question

ok i met this guy on a singles website while i was going thru my devorce my devorce will be final april 16th. but anyways he is a very good man treats me like a queen except he doesnt stick up to his mother. she controls everything he does. he has his own apt. witch she tells him i cant live there with him witch the landlord said because of my credit i cant witch i kinda question a little bit about that thinking the mother has something to do with it. but she is telling me i can only stay at his apt for 3 days at a time. well i went to stay with him and stayed a week she got pissed at us and said we lied to her. its his apt!!! now i cant call her house when my fiancee is there, and he can only call me once a day when he is there. she told me she wont support our marriage. and im not aloud in her house and i cant be apart of her family but i can be a part of my fiancees and his 8 month old daughters. i think my fiancee is afraid to tell her to but out how can i get him to tell her off?

Answer 1

If I were you I would stop all this now, including him. If he can't stand up to his Mother and allow her to control his life, you have one big Momma boy on your hands. He will never change if he can't do it now. You just got out of one divorce, do you want a second one with him? I have been married to one, so they don;t stop allowing their Mother to run their life, oh they will complain about it, but do nothing to stop it.

Answer 2

You can't get your fiancee to tell his mother off. He has been with her a long time and this is probably not new behavior. The worst part of all this is that you met him while you were going through your divorce. It is not even final yet and you are already involved with someone who is going to be your next divorce. I guarantee this - and I don't even know you! You are looking for someone who treats you like a queen and he fits that bill. Only he does that when his mother's not around. His mother will always be around. I'm guessing you are not even really seeing the true 'him' either. You are seeing the 'him' who communicated through a singles website (nothing wrong with that by itself but a random meeting through a website is definitely 'you take your chances'). He is not being malicious or anything but he certainly knows that he BETTER treat you like a queen if he wants to keep you interested, since life with him is going to be one long battle with his mother. I'm trying to say that he has mastered the art of overcompensating in his private life for the biggest problem he can lay on any potential date - his mom!
You are playing along with this game as long as you can because you don't want to feel like a depressed divorcee. Well, get over that! It's only buying you more of the same stuff you just settled in court.
Nobody in their right mind wants to live with a guy they don't even know that well before their divorce is even final, has HIM keeping her away because he lets him mother decide his sleepovers and limits his phone calls to you from her house.
She gave it to you straight: she told you she would never support the marriage to her son. You had better believe it. This guy is going to kiss your feet every step of the way because he knows you're the only fool on the planet who would put up with his type of crap. How hard up are you, anyway?
She won't allow you in her house. Well, good luck if you plan a life and a family and hope to have something that lasts beyond the next two years. I keep forgetting that since you are willing to put up with all this crap, maybe two years for you would a bonus. Your fiancee may not be afraid of his mother. He may be using her to screen out the actual strong healthy personalities and make sure the person he's with is appropriately desperate for a relationship!

Answer 3

I am a little con fussed what dose you credit have to do with you living there if he has been paying the rent? The landlord would not ask about your credit. Why is his mother so involved? My advise dump this guy, you are never going to win here as he has NO backbone. You want to spend your life fighting his family? This is not normal for a grown man's mother to tell him who he can date and sleep with in his own apartment. Trust me it is difficult when the mil like you because once the son says I do they change this situation is only going to get worse if he don't put her in her place and stop giving her every detail of you relationship.

Answer 4

That is his mother. You can't ask a man to TELL his mother off. However, I think you have a momma's boy on your hands and you are going to always have issues as long as she is around. SO I think you need to first sit down and talk to him and let him know that you are concerned about her being directly involved in every aspect of your lives...then I would have a heart to heart with her. Ask her WHY she does not like you and express to her your true feelings about her son. She will either come around or she won't. If not, I would seriously consider re-thinking the relationship...until you can iron some things out...or you are going to have MAJOR headaches after you get married! Marriage is BIG!

Answer 5

Addressing the issue of credit, whether you can live in the apartment, etc. from the stance of a landlord. I own a home that I currently rent. I've had numerous tenants and gone through the gambet of types so I've learned how to protect myself and my interests. A good credit report indicates how well you pay your bills and how likely it is that you'll pay the rent on time. I have a stipulation in my lease as do many apartment complexes, limiting the number of residents to those listed on the lease. Persons residing on the property who aren't on the lease violates the lease and can cause the tenant to be evicted.
Maybe his mother is interested in protecting her son from eviction. It's likely that she co-signed for him to get the apartment in the first place.
Finally, this is his mother you're talking about. Why do you want him to tell her off? Do you not believe in honoring your father and mother? Maybe he's not so disrespectful as you seem to be.

Answer 6

Let me get this straight: You met your "fiance" on a singles website, while going through your divorce, which isn't final yet, and he has an 8 month old baby, and your are still married, in case you were wondering, and you wonder why is Momma doesn't like you??? Are you that slow? Listen, he is what they call the rebound guy. Of course he treats you like a queen, how else will he keep you interested? Once that divorce is final and you move in with him, believe me, the "REAL" him will come out and you will be wondering what happened to Mr. Right. Well, the answer to that is this: he isn't Mr. Right, he's Mr. Right Now, and it's destined to fail!

FYI, he's never gonna tell his Momma off, okay? It's not gonna happen...EVER. This woman didn't just wake up and start acting this way. This is normal behavior for her. He's used to it, and this is the nature of their relationship, period.

My advice to you is to slow down, take some time to be with yourself. Find out what you REALLY want. You are literally jumping out of the frying pan into the fire, as my very wise grandmomma used to say.

BTW, where is the babies momma? Are you really willing to deal with all the drama that situation is gonna bring to your life? I mean, the baby is only 8 months old. And, trust me, the emotion of giving birth is still very fresh for her. She still has feelings for him, and she always will share a special bond with him.

Answer 7

Stay away from him. Why would you even want to be a step-mother anyway? You will always be third fiddle, his daughter will come first, then his mother obviously has a strong hold over him, then you. There are plenty of men without kids out there. The mamas boy is just a silly toad.

Answer 8

You don't want to force him to fight with his mom. He needs to decide that for himself. Yes it does sound like she needs to cool her jets a bit...but you don't want to come between him and his mom. It's never a good idea to come between family and make them choose sides.

Just tell him how much she hurts your feelings with the way she's acting, and I'm sure eventually he'll say something to her. You are both grown adults, and you make your own decisions so I wouldn't pay her much mind. I think she's just jealous, or afraid of losing her little boy. Just hang in there and I'm sure things will work out.

Answer 9

You should not ask him to tell her off. That is still his mother.
I have a similar situation with my husbands mother.
At first she was so happy he had met a Christian woman like myself. She was very supportive in the beginning. Then she suddenly flipped. I believe she was jealous of how much he loves me and changed his life and did right. I'm thinking it's because she couldn't get him to do right as his mother.
Anyhow, she told me one day that me and my children were not welcome in her life and she would only deal with my husband and his children. I let her know that she was mistaken to believe he would allow that and I left it alone.
My husband had to decide if he was going to allow his mother to come between us and cause conflict in our marriage. He rarely talks to her or see her by his choice because of how she put him in that position.
You see, if he loves you enough to marry you then he will have to stand up to her himself. You should not push him to do or say anything because in the future it could come back on you.
Good luck and I wish you both the best.

Answer 10

You may think you have mother in law issues, but what you really have is fiance issues. He's a mommas boy and the only reason she controls his life is because he allows her to do so. Things aren't going to change any time soon, so you can either deal with your mommas boy fiance or tell him that when he's ready to grow up to give you a call.