Im in my early twenties and I just got through a painful break up, but I still catch myself dreaming about some everlasting love, and I see middle-aged people walking and holding hands and looking so damn happy. Is it that you meet a person and you understand each other so perfectly that you grow old being together or is it compromise and hard work? Thank you.
2007-04-05 08:40:24 · 23 answers · asked by friday's child 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Girl, it is really both of them together. If you don't have the right person and the right commitment, there is no way you could stand staying with them longterm. But to keep the relationship wonderful, the lust and spark alive, you do have to learn to compromise and put in the effort. Marriage is really hard work, and you have to be unselfish and mature (almost) all of the time. But it's all worth it, because you will eventually have hard times and the couple has to have a loving, strong relationship to get through on the other side better and well.
We've been married over 17 years, after having known each other for one and dated for two years. Every year our love grows and deepens. We have one child, and had to get through not being able to have more, which we both wanted, but of course we are totally grateful for the one we have and he is amazing! We are of the same religion and similar ethnicity and backgrounds, so we didn't have any hurdles there to overcome, but just nurture.
I heard my son say the best thing recently about our relationship. I think my husband and I disagreed about something - there was tension around and I know I shouldn't have, but I asked my 15 years old son, "Do you really think he (my hubby) loves me?" He said, "Mom, don't you SEE the look in his eyes when he comes home from work and sees you. They are just shining and brighten up with love." That little boy of mine made me cry!
Yes, I love this man and he loves me. He calls me his Life, not just his Wife.
BTW, I was 28 when I got married and he was 38. Was very glad I didn't marry the dudes who asked me at 19 and 24!
2007-04-05 09:40:21 · answer #1 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course there is a lot of compromise and hard work. You really have to maintain a level of mutual respect. But first of all it's not about understanding each other so perfectly. It's about how well you each are looking at your future together. Did you have the same goals. Did you talk about children? How many? Did you really ask all the right questions prior to walking down the aisle and the pretty party? Lots of people skip the important stuff and are surprised later when the marriage doesn't work. If you have any red flags about someone, believe me marriage won't improve on them. Learn to look at someone from your brain and not rely on the heart. The heart can blind you to things you need to know.
2007-04-05 15:54:39 · answer #2 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is all 3. I believe that you know in your heart if that person is your "soul mate"
As you grow old and each change you need to compromise with each other. After 10 years of marriage, you both are different people, but you've spent those 10 years changing together. Marriage is hard work. You have children and then disagree on how to raise your children. There is a lot of compromising and some just stepping aside and believing in each other. The love of your life will come along when you least expect it. You will know in your heart that he is your "soul mate".
2007-04-05 16:13:45 · answer #3 · answered by Sassy S 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's compromise and hard work! You have to learn to be a team...and there is no "I" in team! You love unconditionally....meaning...love no matter what...hard times WILL COME! And while you think you can't stand another minute, you have to realize that you are not in it alone! You have a life partner! Like two puzzle pieces, you need each other to form the complete picture! I've been married 11 years today...and let me tell you...IT'S BEEN NO WALK IN THE PARK! But that which doesn't kill us has made us stronger....and if we can get thrugh what we already have.....then I'm confident we will grow old together! Ya know the song by Garth Brooks...I'm not really a country fan, but it has a great messege...."The dance". You don't just automatically understand each other....you learn together.
2007-04-05 15:49:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage takes compromise and effort on behalf of both the husband and the wife. It's not for sissies or self-centered people...it's for people who are truly able to make a committment to the relationship "for better or worse", because no matter how good it is, there WILL be moments of "worse." Too many people go into marriage with these expectations of "happily ever after" and don't realize that "happily ever after" doesn't just happen - you BOTH have to work at it. The two people BECOME as one, and it's the becoming that's the hard part, because it means you both have to be willing to make a few sacrifices along the way.
2007-04-05 16:55:32 · answer #5 · answered by Romans 8:28 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Both, you meet someone that you love and want to grow old with, and then you must compromise and work hard to make it happen. The main thing to remember is; you cannot allow divorce to be an option. No matter what you fight about or how difficult it gets; divorce is not an option. If you approach the relationship on these terms, you will make it work because there is no other choice.
2007-04-05 15:47:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is both. Hopefully you will find someone that you fit with perfectly. But a good marriage is compromise and a lot of hard work to make it work. I have been married 18 years. Rough times and good times, but I would not change it for anything.
2007-04-05 15:48:24 · answer #7 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to give you such a sappy answer, but nothing in this life worth having is easy. In a relationship that lasts, there are always bumps in the road that have to be worked out. My wife and I still hold hands when we walk together. How long? Almost 30 years and second marriage for both of us.
2007-04-05 15:53:51 · answer #8 · answered by elcazador999 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is hard work and a lot o compromise. Marriage is not a bed of roses. You have your ups and downs. You are in your early twenties and there are still a lot of fish in the sea.
2007-04-05 15:46:42 · answer #9 · answered by daniella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my wife and I married we agreed that divorce would never be an option. Commitment is important and must be nourished. It takes work and patience. I enjoy being married and look forward to growing old with my wife. I love the stability and coming home to the same person everyday. It is well worth the work.
2007-04-05 20:48:01 · answer #10 · answered by mjohnson1422 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋