My husband of 15 years and I seperated about 2 months ago. No one cheated, it was just a mutual agreement cause we werent getting along and fighting and we have two very young kids. I want him to come back desperatly but I can't push him too. I was wondering if anyone ever seperates from their spouse and they eventually get back together. How long did it take? Did it work out? I was just wondering if I am holding out for a lost cause? He is very hard headed and stubborn and lets his pride get in the way offten. Should I just move on?
2007-04-05 08:25:17 · 12 answers · asked by please help 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
the best thing to do it be honest with your self ,,,then be honest with him...set down and think this over ,put it on paper pros cons ,whys why nots,if that will help you to make decisions ,then meet with him and tell him exactly how you feel and how much time you are going to give him to figure it out,then stick to your guns ,things like this cant go on forever.and if you have to move one then its going to be hard ,but you Will be OK,just don't put the kids in the middle and make sure you are care full and really think about you and the kids future,many times women don't want to make the guy mad or hurt him and end up getting waylay-ed,make clear decisions,step by step and talk to others about divorce ,spell out visitation,arrangements on ,bill ,house,kids future, school money for cloths and collage for the kids,retirement ,alimony ,cause if you do divorce you will need a way to get your life restarted,and maintained.living in limbo isn't the way to do it then you never get things settled and its difficult and you never feel OK,so give it time ,but not indefinite,make plans for the divorce and write them down while you clear headed,get counseling so you have someone that isn't involved that is thinking clearly and in your best interest to help you threw,best of wishes ,i do hope it works out for you you will know what is right once you settle you mind take care and don't worry it will come out OK be strong
2007-04-05 08:42:55 · answer #1 · answered by raindovewmn41 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is one of the biggest mistakes a couple can make, one that is based upon a false assumption.
The assumption is that married couples who love each other don't ever fight. That's just false, PERIOD! All couples fight.
The mistake that follows the false assumption is this: We are having problems and we fight a lot, so let's separate and see if we can get along better apart.
Of course you'll get along better apart. You're not in the same room, so there is no way you can fight. That's a no brainer!
Listen, many people will tell you it is wrong to stay together for the kids' sake. I will tell you from experience that if you stay together ONLY for the sake of the kids and nothing else, you've done the right thing. Children want to have both of their parents in the same house with them. They would rather see and hear you fight than lose one of you. BELIEVE ME, children internalize it when their parents split and they believe that it was something they did wrong to cause it. If they hear that you split for their sake, what do you think they will believe about themselves?
As parents of small children you have a responsibility to raise them together. Let them see you fight. Let them see you resolve problems too. Then maybe they will not grow up with the same mis-conception that you have, that husbands and wives don't fight.
2007-04-05 08:41:54 · answer #2 · answered by JV 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I am in the same boat as you! My husband of 8 years moved out last Saturday. Same reason you guys are separated. I am glad someone else asked this question because I've been wondering the same thing. So far, he has been avoiding me because he says he gets to flustered when I'm around. In other words, he wants to have sex with me and so its better when we're not in the same room.
The advice that I can give you is to follow your heart. If you love one another and are committed to making it work, then the chances are higher that you will reconcile. My husband is hard headed and proud too. I'm not sure what will happen, but I'll add you as one my favorites and perhaps we can talk through this together. take care. Hugs
2007-04-05 10:05:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you told him you want him to come back home?
Try some individual counseling for both of you and then marital counseling if he is willing to do therapy. If not, you go to individual counseling to help you sort through all your feelings.
Each situation is different. Yes, people get back together after separating - some make it and some end up breaking up again later down the road. No way to predict the outcome. Stay in today - no point in worrying about tomorrow. I'm sorry his ego is so large. I'm glad to hear you are humble. Ask him to come home. He is probably too proud to tell you he wants to come home. And then get some help - both of you, preferably.
2007-04-05 08:36:50 · answer #4 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have recently separated from my husband as well - for utterly the same reasons.
He wants to come back immediately - before we've even had the chance to really try to work things out. I love him but we can't keep going on like this in front of the kids - it's hard but I have to stick to my grounds on this. You never know what can happen - you both might realize that you are better off apart. Or that you desperately want to go to counseling and work things out. Good luck to you.
2007-04-05 08:39:05 · answer #5 · answered by Virgo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a hard position you are in. sometimes after both people realize the things they loved about the other person. But it has to be a mutual decision. You can keep trying to talk to him ask him out on mini dates. see if he would even do counseling. If he wont go by yourself. It helps to have someone to help straighten all your feelings out, and its good support for if you stay separated. I am married to a hard headed man myself and I know its sometimes like talking to a brick wall. If he decides not to come back ever, life will go on, just chose a softer head next time
good luck
2007-04-05 08:35:00 · answer #6 · answered by debbie v 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely it can work! And good for you for realizing that your children were not in a healthy environment and removing yourselves from that situation. My parents were separated for 6 months due to physical absue. It took the 6 months for them to re-evaluate and for him to undergo counseling. That was 8 years ago and they're still together. You guys will be fine :) Just maybe look into come counseling to understand how you can get along better, especially for the sake of your children.
Good luck!
2007-04-05 08:31:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should talk with him about how to mend the marriage. Don't wait till it's too late - when he's met someone else or has lost any feelings for you. I have been separated with my husband for over 6 months now and he hates me badly now. He has been cheating about having an affair with a married woman (now divorced) for years and he is now with her. With children and no affair involved, the chances are probably high. Try to save the marriage.
2007-04-05 08:44:51 · answer #8 · answered by MDesperate 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats the problem with marriages today PRIDE gets in the way ,and alot of people are selfish, im on my second marriage so im not a real expert on relationships but if you two really love each other hang in there and it will all be allright,you can only change you remember that!im haveing some problems myself right now but im changing myself and if she wants to join then it was meant to be if not self might take over agian.hang in there you got tooo much involved just my 2 cents worth
2007-04-05 08:35:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would get back with him in a friendly way and determine if he still has the same problems. People can change. Take your time and know what you are getting into. We can't make someone love us or change, but it can happen. Good luck.
2007-04-05 08:32:22 · answer #10 · answered by Jan C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋