my husband wants us to have a three some and I want to as well but I don't know what type of 3rd person should be involved? I want rules set but he doesn't think thats fair. Could this be a way for him be with some one else with out actually cheating? Or should I let this happen and let it take its toll to see if this hurts the marraige or not. I'm a very jealous person what do I do? Its my fantasy too!!! Help
2007-04-05 08:19:20 · 29 answers · asked by Emily B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Rules are very important! I have had 3sums before (MMF) and think I may be able to shed some light for you if you want. But, I would rather not do it here. Email through Answers and I will be more than happy to share what I learned :)
2007-04-05 08:26:38 · answer #1 · answered by laneydoll 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very surprised that no one mentioned anything about possible diseases. Although my first concern would be my marriage, it kinda sounds like your marriage is already on the rocks and you are hoping this will help. In order to be ale to do what you are suggesting you would need to be in a very trustworthy and healthy marriage to begin with. If this is a fix it situation it will only hurt your marriage considerably. Also I agree with many writers that a stranger would be ideal and someone you don't have to worry about # 1 taking your man and #2 running around and telling all your mutual friends about the experience. ( they will tell someone) However using a stranger brings up the disease points and that is not something you want to deal with either especially if the whole plan goes south and you end up single again, that is not something you want to have to tell a new parnter. It does lsound like you need to spice things up but i would recomend finding a sex store and purchasing a new toy and a few videos together. Live out a different fantasy. Not one that could ruin your whole marriage. Good luck
2007-04-05 09:35:23 · answer #2 · answered by Jamiel L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
*Well I say if you truly are comfortable with the whole idea, and from what I gather from what you said, you are interested....then do it. I have the inclination to have a 3some with a married couple, not with the intention of stealing a husband...it's just the "excitement" and it's a new experience, b/c I have never done it before. I don't know...I mean I've been saying this in all of my posting, but "You only live once, so live well." And if it so happens you are interested in a 3some and so is your husband, and you both can come to terms and agree with it...then go for it woman! What is holding you back?~ Live like you won't see tomorrow. Be spontaneous.
....ugh...sorry i'm being very pushy about it. But I hate when people refrain from doing what they "fatasize" about or "wish" they could do...whether it's something sexual or even something like skydiving or bungee jumping...WHY HOLD BACK...just do it!! Take risks. Live a little. Experience Yourself and other people and what you like and want.....lol...seriously. It can't hurt.
~~So I encourage you to move forward with this idea, that is if you seriously and truly are comfortable with it though.~~
2007-04-05 10:44:36 · answer #3 · answered by Shut your mouth when u tlk to me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I too, did not want any rules and I lost the woman I loved. I am not saying that there has to be restrictions, but rules none the less.
Like, the third person should not be anyone you know. You can locate either a man or woman on one of the various websites out there. Neither one of you are allowed to be with the third person naked without the other in the room.
Those are just a couple of rules I recommend. Good Luck!
2007-04-05 08:30:26 · answer #4 · answered by Tony S 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are a jealous person, it sounds like you are not a good candidate for a threesome with another woman. Imagine your husband making love to a woman besides yourself and if that upsets you, I think the situation could harm your marriage. The person who said you should focus on satisfying each other is right.
People who get involved in the lifestyle are very secure in their marriages (most of the time). They know their partner truly loves them and the experience is very much enjoyed by both parties in the relationship. You must trust each other completely and feel solid in your partnership. Only then can you consider involving outside persons in your bedroom.
Good luck
2007-04-05 08:46:45 · answer #5 · answered by JT 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been in a few threesomes in my lifetime and have learned the dangers and the joys. The only way it can work out is if you and your partner decide to include someone you both can love and trust. If you both can not love this person, whether male or female, then don't try it. There is always a chance that one of the primary partners will fall in love with the third and someone feels left out or jealous. The easiest threesome to build is MMF. There are plenty of guys who would love to be there if you asked them. Harder to find a female willing to participate. If you asked your hubby about another guy joining in, and he reacts negatively, you have your answer. It should go both ways. Remember, that avoiding contact with the same sex third is nearly impossible, so depending on the sex of the third, you should be agreeable to at least a little bisexuality.
Good luck.
2007-04-05 08:38:52 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
From talking to people that I know that have done this the only way it had no affect on the marriage was if it was a stranger and no one was left out. Equal time and enjoyment. The people that I know that did it with a friend or acquaintance either the friendship or the marriage did not last. Hope I helped.
2007-04-05 08:26:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Caution and care with that one. I told my husband that I have had lesbian fantasies, and had a moment or two with a girl, and wow did he get excited about that, he said would you ever want to have a 3-some, and the answer is flat out no, as my fantasies are not about my man getting it on with another woman, but about me. He was surprised, as he thought all women who fantasized about women would jump at the idea about a 3-some, not true. If you are the jealous type, it won't be an easy sight for you. There was an episode of Sex and city about that, they are all there ready to get it on ( the older blonde chic), and that jealous thought hit her mind, and she kicked the woman out of their bed, it was so funny, that is how it would go down for me. Good luck, tell him you will just have to think about it, and if you decide to do it, have lots of rules.
2007-04-05 08:37:16 · answer #8 · answered by Maria A. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even though your married and you both agree to have a threesome it is still infedility. You got married to one person and that person is the only person you should have sex with. If you and your husband are wanting to have sex with other people then why the hell did you get married in the first place. Marriage is sacred and sex is very sacred between a husband and wife and no one else. Yes I think your husband wants to sleep with other people and wants to just add you in to make himself feel better. Don't do it you will regret it later and it will ruin your marriage.
2007-04-05 08:48:34 · answer #9 · answered by Mrs.W24 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Anytime you add a 3rd person to a relationship you are jeapordising the marriage.Now it does work for some people....I am NOT against it so please dont' think that is the case.Just think thru our decsion.YES there should be rules!! if there is not then it is a free for all and both parties can get hurt.You are taking a chance either way....best of luck
2007-04-05 08:24:59 · answer #10 · answered by getriel1 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋