Sharing the responsibilities with your mate?

Question

My girlfriend and I have been dating for years, and she often came to my place. I didn't mind doing the cooking and cleaning most of the time because it was my place. But now, after four years, she has moved in. She does almost nothing. We've had so many arguments about it where I feel disrespected. She always says that it will be better soon, but that doesn't happen. Even after writing down the chores that we are going to do, she doesn't do them, or after I'll cook, she'll say, "I'll do the dishes tomorrow," and then she doesn't at least 50% of the time. She'll let them sit for days until I do them. In the first four years, she never once took out the trash, swept the floor, or vacuumed. Now she only does it when I have to bring it up and we argue. I don't want to break up, so is there a way that works for you and your mate/spouse that makes him/her follow through without a resentful attitude? I don't want to seem controlling. I'm being reasonable, right?

Answer 1

Yes you are... the only problem with her is she gets nothing from being responsible... she sees it as a chore as oppose to the being a necessary thing that needs to be done inorder for the house to be a nice place to live. Were she got this attitude from is most likly her lovly parents spoiling her happy self. But your best bet is to try and change her perspective on this activites.... because you know like I do that you don't concentrate so much on the activity as much as the deeper meaning behind it.... like that you love your house and you love your spouse and you do this things to show it... she hasn't made that connection yet, so good luck with this one, and espacially good luck trying to change her perspective. Because usually with this you got a person who doesn't fully understand how to love themselves, one thing you could do is do these things with her! Take the trash out with her, stand with her and move things when she is vaccum, and do the dishes together... maybe she'll began to get a good feeling from doing good things with you and bring that with her when your gone.